Closing the door behind me, I strip out of my clothes and toss them in the hamper on my way to the bathroom.
The hot water feels good against my cold, aching body.
I give myself a good scrub down. When I slide the washcloth between my cheeks, I grunt in pain. Easton isn’t a small guy, and neither was his dick.
Closing my eyes, I think about how it felt to have him inside me, the sounds he made, the way he bit down on my shoulder, like he was claiming me as his.
My cock starts to thicken, arousal builds at the thought.
This is so fucked up, I shouldn’t be turned on.
But I am.
Leaning my head against the tiled wall, I close my eyes, letting the water run over my body as I wrap my hand around my cock.
With my free hand, I slip two fingers inside my ass, his cum still inside me, making them slide in easily.
I groan at the stretch, and my cock twitches with the feeling.
I start to pump my cock and fingers at the same time. Pleasure spikes through me, setting me alight.
Every second of our interaction fills my mind, fueling the fire inside me.
Moaning, I pretend it’s Easton’s cock pressing deep inside me, hitting my prostate and making me see stars.
My fist works over my aching dick, thick and angry, wanting release as if I didn’t just cum a few hours ago.
It doesn’t take me long before my balls draw up, body tensing and cum spilling from my cock. I make a mess of the shower wall, moaning Easton’s name as I remember the feeling of him filling me with his hot release.
As soon as my breathing settles and my body relaxes, shame seeps back in.
What the fuck am I doing? I shouldn't be thinking about him, about what we did. It’s wrong, it’s fucked up. He cheated on his girlfriend, and I’m getting off on it.
I wash up again and get out of the shower. Changing into a clean pair of boxers, I crawl into bed.
I’m both wired and exhausted at the same time. My mind won’t shut off.
That was the first time I’ve ever bottomed. Liam didn’t like to top, so I was always the one who did.
I remember Easton’s reaction when he found the butt plug. I feel so fucking stupid.
I can’t believe I was actually planning on having sex with Roland. That I prepped myself for him.
What the hell was I thinking?
I know what I was thinking. I was hoping that being with Roland and forcing something that wasn’t there could help me forget about Easton. If I moved on with someone else, then magically my feelings and thoughts would go away.
I hate myself for thinking that way. Being willing to have sex with someone just to get over someone else.
It’s not fair to Roland or myself.
The most fucked up part is, I don’t know what I want, or what to do.
I can’t keep messing around with Roland. It’s not right to lead him on. I wish I could want him that way because it would make my life so much easier. But the truth is... I don’t. He deserves to be with someone who can be all in, who can make him their whole world.
Not someone who is thinking about another man while they’re with him.
I’m not sure what I’m going to do. Maybe moving back home would be for the best. I know I have to eventually talk to Easton about what happened. And he has to tell Taylor.
