I feel sick to my stomach, crushed by a heavy conscience.
Whatever that was, I’m going to have to face it, and live with it.
I could have stopped him. I might have had a lot to drink, but not enough to not say no. Not enough to not get out of the situation.
The reality is, I wanted it. I wanted his hands on me, his mouth on me, his cock inside me. I wanted it all.
But I don’t have the right to any of that because he’s not mine. He can’t be mine. He will never be mine.
How will I face him now? How can we get past this?
We share a fucking room together. I have to live with the guy. We can’t ignore something like that or act like it never happened. There’s no way.
What we just did changes everything. We crossed a line, and I don’t know if we can come back from it.
It won’t happen again. Sure as hell not while he’s still with her. Just because he’s confused about his sexuality doesn’t give him a free pass to cheat.
I need to talk to him and tell him to come clean to Taylor. And if he doesn’t, as much as I hate the idea, I’ll do it myself.
I refuse to let her be hurt like this. She’s a nice girl, and I feel so fucking bad about what just happened.
Knowing I can’t go back to my dorm room, that I can’t go back and face Easton so soon, I push myself off the tree and walk toward the one that still holds the treehouse.
Climbing the ladder, the old wood creaks under my weight. It holds me up, though, as I climb to the top.
It’s a hell of a lot smaller than I remembered it being.
When I get inside, I crawl to the back and sit, leaning against the wall.
With my head resting against my knees, I let my mind wander as I overthink every little detail of the past, the present, and the possible future.
I must have fallen asleep because the next time I open my eyes, I’m still in the treehouse, but I’m lying on the hard floor, shivering.
Groaning, I sit up, scoot my way to the exit, and climb down. The whole walk to my parent’s place, I’m still being eaten alive with guilt.
This is Easton we’re talking about. The boy who used to be my whole world.
The guy I had my first crush on, the one I didn’t stop thinking about for years. And now, since we became roommates,everything has changed. I’m still trying to decide if it was for the better or worse.
We’ve been playing this little game, dancing along the line of something possibly toxic.
I’ve tried to get my mind off him by spending more time with Roland, but that didn’t work.
Don’t get me wrong, Roland is a nice guy, and he could potentially be the best boyfriend I’ve ever had. Not that I have much to compare that to.
It’s just that... I don’t have that spark with him. He doesn’t give me that rush, doesn’t get my heart pounding and blood pumping.
He’s not the one who’s taken up residence inside my head.
It’s the man who sleeps on the other side of the bedroom. The one I have a past with. Someone who knew all my deepest, darkest secrets.
And someone who isn’t available.
Not wanting to wake anyone up, I head to the backyard and into the pool house.
This used to be Lilly’s space, a place to stay when she’d need a break from school.
After she officially moved in with Bishop and Toby, I took over.
