We had a short flight, so Avery had already left by the time we got ready and headed to the airport.I wish Avery were with us.
She said I pushed her away with work or Lu, and maybe that’s fair, but she still should have had a conversation with me about how she felt. She never told me anything was wrong, and I did try to ask her when I noticed. She said she was tired and dropped the subject, but there were opportunities to tell me. My grief would always be with me, so it was not an excuse to avoid difficult conversations.
The year after Gram passed, I told her she should go back to school and have the college experience, but she insisted on finishing online and staying with us. I never told her she couldn’t go and live her life; she chose to stay. Now, she resents the choice she made.
I squeezed my hands together in frustration. I was going to propose to her under the fireworks at Disneyland. I knew I shouldn’t have brought it, but I kept playing with the ring box in my pocket. I should have left it at home, but part of me hoped we could remedy the situation once we were at the happiest place on earth. We had spent months avoiding each other and arguing. We weren’t the same couple anymore. How could I possibly let her go, though?
“Are you still planning to propose?” Lu asked, snapping me from my thoughts. “Something must have happened because you both aren’t acting the same.”
I looked over at her. I couldn’t lie to her. “You’re right,” I started. “We’ve hit a rough patch, I’m afraid might not be repairable. She means everything to me, so I’m going to try,” I said.
The day I saw another man running out of my home and blowing a kiss to my girl, I saw red. I felt my blood turn hot and my heart shatter. She has been my everything since the day Lu and I met her at the elementary school. I had seen or talked toher every day since. How could we go from being everything to each other to strangers? We’d been through so much together and always had each other’s backs through it all. What would Gram say if I told her what happened and how I still wanted to have a life with her?
I turned my phone on back as we walked through the airport, hoping she was already there to pick us up. My phone was bombarded with over fifty missed calls and countless texts from Avery’s family. I didn’t have a chance to read any of the messages when the phone began ringing again. I instantly picked up the phone without checking to see who was calling.
“Are you out front?” I asked frantically, hoping it was Avery. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that something was terribly wrong.
“Grant, it’s Beth,” she said between sobs.Why was Avery’s mom calling?
“Beth, what happened?” I stood up anxiously.
She couldn’t even catch her breath to tell me why she was calling. “Avery, oh dear. She’s been in an accident.” I stopped breathing.
“What kind of accident? Is she okay?” Lu suddenly stood up, giving me a worried expression.
“She’s gone, Grant. My baby girl is gone.” Her sobs were deafening.
Luna and I exchanged scared expressions, not believing what we were hearing.
“Beth, can you tell us what happened? We’re at the airport in California. Avery was supposed to meet us here.”
“Hey, man.” Avery’s brother, Oliver, took the phone from his mother. “Jim from the station stopped by about an hour ago. Avery was in a head-on collision with a semi-truck just outside of Phoenix.” He paused with emotion. “She…didn’t make it.”
I dropped the phone and fell to my knees, Luna falling alongside me, gripping onto me as her lifeline. We cried in each other’s arms on the airport floor. Security came over to check on us, and I knew I had to snap out of it to be there for Lu.
How could she be gone?
Why did we travel separately?
Why had I remained so upset with her?
I shouldn’t have let her go alone.
She was all alone.
How could I leave her all alone.
This would have never happened if we had stuck to the original plan.
I had to be stuck in some sick nightmare; I was bound to wake up from it at any moment. The airport staff helped us get on another flight back home. Lu and I cried through the airport, on the flight, and on the drive home, where Avery’s brother had picked us up.
I felt lost. We would never talk through things. We’d never find out if we could have made it. I’d never get closure. I would forgive her in a moment if it meant we could have her back.
My poor Lu had to grieve another woman she loved. How was I going to take care of a teenage girl by myself? How was I going to help her get through this when part of my being died with Avery?
THIRTY-NINE
AGE 28
