Luna and I spent the last few years barely surviving without Avery. I didn’t know how to deal with my own grief, let alone hers. We were present in each other’s lives, but everything about our relationship changed. She threw herself into school, and I threw myself into work. We never even talked about what happened. The summer after she graduated from high school was one of the hardest for us.
“I’m not going to college,” she said one night at dinner.
“What do you mean?” I asked. “You already accepted your offer.”
“I just don’t want to, okay? I’m going to use the money Gram left me to travel. I can’t do this anymore. Be stuck in this house. Be stuck in this town. Be stuck here withyou.” Her glare shot daggers straight through my heart.
“No one said you had to stay here or even go to the local college; that’s what you chose.” My tone had more bite to it than I intended.
“No!” she screamed. “That’s what Gram always told me I had to do. That I’d go to college just like my big brother, but I don’t want to be anything like you.” Her words cut deep. “I can’t do this anymore. I’ve pretended long enough. I can’t be around you anymore, knowing you’re the reason Avery died. She was my only constant, but you made her feel like she couldn't travel with us that day! You pushed her away for your own selfish reasons, and all I want to do is be as far away from you as possible.”
“Don’t act like you know anything about what Avery and I were going through. But I won’t stop you if you want to go. Go ahead and leave. And it was her idea to travel separately, not mine!” I was steaming with rage. She reiterated what I told myself every day since Avery passed.
“Because you made her feel like she had no other choice. She told me you were being distant, so I know a lot more than you think I do.” She stormed off.
I balled my hands into fists at my side. She didn’t know. She couldn’t know. “I was distant because she cheated on me, here in our house.” She stopped, slowly turning toward me. “Did she tell you that?”
“I wish it were you,” she said in a whisper before heading to her room, slamming the door.
I stormed off to my room as well, wishing I could be the guardian and big brother she needed me to be.
The next morning, I found a note on the kitchen counter.
Grant,
I need to get away. Away from this house. This town. And you. Please don’t try to find me. Please let me find peace after a life of devastation. We don’t need each other anymore, so let’s move on with our lives, and maybe we’ll find each other on the other side.
-Luna
I reread the letter time and time again, hoping for a different outcome.
I ran through the house, screaming her name. When I finally accepted that she was gone, I let my rage and anger get the best of me. I threw dish ware, punched walls, and threw away anything she left behind. Then I fell to the floor and cried for losing the last piece of my family.
Gram would be so disappointed in me. A knock at the door brought me back to light.Could Luna have come back?
I checked the peephole to find Avery’s mom. I had to invite her in, even if I hadn’t cleaned up what I destroyed.
“I think you should move,” she said, taking a seat at the kitchen table.
“Move? What do you mean?” I set two cups of tea on the table in front of us.
“You can’t heal here,” she said, gesturing around the house. “You can’t move on and at least try to have a life of your own if you are haunted by Avery’s ghost and Lu’s abandonment. This town is too small for a man as smart and as driven as you are.” She placed her hand on top of mine. “Move to the city. You need to put your life back together. Gram would not want to see youpractically throw your life away. You need to live for Gram and Avery because they would have done it for you.”
“You’re right. I need to get out of here. I don’t know how I’m going to go about packing up the house and even selling it. This is the only home I’ve ever known. The only home Lu ever had.” I placed my head in my hands, defeated. Worn down. So damn depressed.
She gave me an understanding expression. “We’ll help you clean the place up and even make sure a good family gets into your home because it was always a loving family home.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for her. I was selfish and insecure, but I shouldn’t have let her go alone. I’m so sorry.” I let my head hang low.
“None of that,” she said, wiping a tear from my cheek. “If you were with her, then you also wouldn’t be here. You deserve to live even if she can’t, okay?”
“Okay,” I simply said.
“You know what has helped me?” She cocked her head. “Therapy.”
I knew my grief was burying me alive, so maybe I could reach out to a grief counselor like the one Lu saw when Gram passed. “I know I should go. There’s someone who was seeing Lu after Gram died, whom I can connect with when I move. She lives in Tucson, so maybe that’s where I’ll start.”
“Perfect. Then it’s settled. I will be by tomorrow to discuss logistics and get this house in order.” She stood up from her chair and walked toward the front door. “You’re going to be okay, Grant.”
