I spent the next few minutes telling her the story as best as I knew it. I still didn’t understand Kenzie’s reasoning other than she was doing it to secure her family’s future.
“Wow, this is getting good.” Jake leaned over, grabbing some popcorn and shoving it in his mouth. “If you want my advice, I think you should forgive her already.”
“Well, actually, I didn’t ask for your advice, so shut up.”
“I’m with Jake,” Casey added.
“Shocker.”
“I’m serious, Kyle. I like her. She’s got spunk, and you two have mad chemistry. Too bad you hate her so much,” she said.
“Yeah, too bad,” I mumbled.
“I’m just bummed I’m having surgery right in the middle of this. You have to keep it recorded for me,” he informed Casey.
“You know I will. But I think we need to have an intervention before you go under the knife.”
“For me?” Jake asked, seemingly confused as to why he’d need one.
“No, your brother and his Kenzie. Kyle, give me her number and I’ll set it up.”
“Oh right and will you be present at this intervention?”
“Of course. I’ll be the mediator and we’ll talk it out… like adults. And Jake can be…” she paused, no doubt attempting to invent a role in her little fantasy psychotherapy session for my brother. “You can be the entertainment.”
“That’s it? Are you saying I have no useful talents other than being amusing?” Jake protested.
“Nothing I can think of, anyway,” she said flippantly.
“No?” he flirted. She shook her head, laughing, and once again the two delved into their cutesy shit, verbally sparring for the next five minutes.
I was seconds away from smacking both of them up top the head until Casey came up for air and said, “Seriously, though, Kyle, you need to make up with that girl. She’s perfect for you.”
* * *
And as theseason went on, my anger faded. I wanted to see her again. Maybe Casey’s mediation wasn’t a bad idea. The longer I went without seeing her, the more I couldn’t remember why I was mad. I’d decided that as soon as Jake’s knee replacement surgery was over, I was going to contact her and work things out, maybe even make a trip to Humboldt County to see her. One of the changes I’d made was trying to be more mature, and that applied to my relationships too. Maybe it was too late for more than just a friendship with her, but I had to try.
Unfortunately, that moment never arrived. Jake suffered some life-threatening complications after surgery, which plunged him into a coma and me into a nightmare of epic proportions. My newfound strength crumbled as the fear of losing him overwhelmed me. Once again my brother was struggling for his life, and I, as always, was standing on the sidelines, powerless to help him.
I wandered through the hospital those first few days, unsure of what to do or how to feel. I was just numb. It seemed as though my life had been a series of circles, always connecting back at the same spot. Three times I had felt this level of terror and dread, and all those instances revolved around Jake. The hell of not knowing, those days after he was taken; the shock of his return and the realization that the hollowed out shell of a person he’d become would be our new norm; and then this damn surgery and the very real possibility that it would end his short and tragic life.
I didn’t sleep much during this time. The nightmares had come back full force. I could no longer close my eyes without seeing Jake’s own imploring ones. That was always the point in the nightmare where I screamed in my head and forced myself awake. The moment I hated remembering. His eyes. It was the last thing I saw of him before he was ripped from my life. And they spoke to me. I knew what he’d wanted in those desperate moments, what he was pleading for me to do, but I’d struggled to follow his direction. I couldn’t leave him. But that look he gave me… it was clear. He wanted me to run. Jake’s last act before going to what he could only have assumed would be his grave was saving me.
36
Kenzie: The Apology
IwatchedMaroonedalong with every other person in my hometown. It wasn’t that the show was over-the-top popular in our area; it was the fact that one of their own was competing in it. Viewing parties had cropped up all over the county, and my presence was often requested. I’d thought it would be tough to watch myself on television in front of so many people, but the support of my friends, neighbors, and townspeople was overwhelming, even after my very public on-air confession that I was unhappy living here and wanted to move away.
Thankfully the volcano of vomit never made it onto the show, but the zombie shuffle and my meet cute with Kyle on that first day did. Watching us together on TV made me fall in love with him all over again. And our interactions made for entertaining television, as audiences seemed to love our moments together. Kyle and I, and the rest of the Dork Quad, became instant fan favorites. The positive reaction toward me was surprising. I knew people would love Kyle and Dale, but I never imagined I would be part of that goodwill. Although the moment I dreaded – the backstab heard ’round the reality TV world – would surely put an end to all the positive feedback being thrown my way.
My only connection to Kyle now was through Dale. During the airing of the various episodes, Dale would sometimes forward me funny little quotes that Kyle had sent to him. Those few words were the only thing I had to hold onto, so I treasured them. It wasn’t until the eleventh episode aired that word leaked out about Jake’s serious medical condition. Every day a new report or rumor surfaced, most of them were erroneous claims of his demise. I worried endlessly about Kyle and how he was handling the crisis. But once Jake’s medical emergency was revealed, Kyle no longer responded to Dale’s texts. It was as if he’d completely fallen off the radar, and there was no way to track him down.
* * *
“Whatcha doing?” Caroline came into my room and plopped down on my bed.
“Moping,” I answered casually. “What are you doing?”
