Caroline crinkled her nose in that way I loved. When she was little I couldn’t help but smother her in kisses every time she did it. “You sure do a lot of that lately.”
“It’s just my thing.”
“That’s just it – moping isnotyour thing. I mean, if I’d been raised by a moper, do you think I’d be this fabulous?”
She had a point, although her simplistic sixteen-year-old assessment of my very adult predicament did little to lighten my mood.
“You wouldn’t understand,” I answered.
“I get it, Kenzie. Weallget it,” Caroline emphasized the wordallin such an overdramatic way. I wasn’tthatannoying, was I? “You did a crappy thing. Kyle’s pissed. Now you need to make it right.”
“I wish it were that easy. He won’t call me. I don’t know where he lives. And his brother, the person who means most to him in the whole world, is lying in a hospital close to death. I’m pretty sure I’m the last person he wants to see.”
“Or maybe you’re just the person he needs to see.”
The last few days I’d been thinking the same thing. In my heart and soul, I knew Kyle needed me, whether he wanted to admit it or not. But with no connection to him, and no way to make my support known, I was helpless. Tears rolled down my cheeks.
“What’s wrong, Kenzie?” Caroline asked, smoothing my hair. My sister was maddeningly superficial at times, but if there was one thing that could bring her back to reality, it was family and her undying devotion to it. “What are you so afraid of?”
“I’m scared he’ll reject me. At least now I can pretend I still have a shot. But if I go and he turns me away, then it’ll be over forever. I’m not sure I’m ready to hear that.”
“A lot has happened since then,” Caroline reasoned, sounding so much more grown up than she was. “Maybe those stupid things that happened on a reality television show don’t matter to him as much, now that he has real life things to worry about.”
“Yeah, maybe. But what if he won’t give me the chance to explain?”
“Don’t give him the option.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Yes. It is. Get in his face and keep getting in his face until he listens. Don’t take no for an answer. I wouldn’t.”
“Oh, I know you wouldn’t,” I laughed through my tears. “Maybe you can do it for me.”
“I wish. He’s hot.”
Caroline lit a fire under my ass. The trip to Los Angles for the live finale was scheduled in a matter of days. We’d already decided to leave a few days early, not only because the drive took a good ten hours but also because Dad had promised us all a trip to Universal Studios and Disneyland. If all went as I hoped, I wouldn’t be joining my family at the Magic Kingdom; instead I would be with Kyle, forcing him to forgive me and offering him the support he needed.
It wasn’t much of a plan, but it was all I had.
* * *
With my armhanging in a sling and gauze hastily wrapped around my head, my dad and I entered the hospital emergency room. It was the only way to get into the facility, with all of Jake’s fans on the sidewalks being held back by security guards and police officers. The main entrance was being manned, and if you didn’t have a close relative in the hospital, you weren’t getting in. So it came down to the emergency room and a faked injury. I employed my father in my deception, and he came willingly. He’d been watching me pine for weeks and knew I needed this.
The triage line was long and the emergency room bursting at the seams. We sat for a while just blending in with all the sickies, and then I grabbed my dad’s hand and looked him in the eyes.
“Go get him,” he said, and kissed my cheek.
“Oh, right.” I laughed. “Like it’ll be that easy.”
One thing I knew for certain, I wasn’t going to go down without a fight. Regardless of everything that had happened, our friendship had been real. I owed him an apology, and he owed me the time to give it. Inhaling a deep breath, I stood up with determination.I got this.With my head held high, I moved down the hall and just kept walking. No one said a word to me, and if they had, I would have told them I was going to the cafeteria. It wasn’t a lie; I planned to sit in there all day and all night. I knew Kyle was in the hospital, and he needed to eat at some point, so I began my vigil at 7:15 a.m., armed with my iPad and wallet full of cash for snacks. Every few hours I’d get up and buy some food, and then move to another table so people wouldn’t get suspicious that I didn’t belong.
It wasn’t until after three in the afternoon that Kyle walked in. My heart leapt in my chest and my body flushed with excitement. Just seeing him again brought back so many emotions. Thankfully I was able to keep everything under control. My feelings right now were irrelevant. The last thing Kyle needed was a lovesick girl throwing herself at his feet when he was struggling with so much.
I watched nervously as he picked out his food. His shoulders were slumped and his head drooped. The magnetic personality that I’d come to love was nowhere in sight. Kyle was worse than I’d imagined. He looked gutted. My eyes misted over, and the lump that had formed in my throat had me worried that I’d be crying before I ever got a word out. I took a few deep breaths and pulled myself back together. I was determined to be the person Kyle needed – strong and supportive, not needy and wounded.
I watched as he dropped heavily into a chair in the back of the cafeteria. He was slow and methodical in his movements. Whatever was happening with Jake was sucking the life out of Kyle.
Standing up on shaking legs, I smoothed down my hair as I took my first tentative steps forward. Kyle didn’t see me coming. Lost in thought, his eyes were fixed on his tray of food, yet none of its contents had left the plate. I stopped at his table and Kyle looked up, his blue eyes dulled with grief. They widened in surprise as they fixed on me. We just stared at each other, tears welling up in my eyes.
