Clearing his throat, he says, “He regrets passing me the gavel.”
“No, my sweet boy. The day you stitched his patch onto your cut, he was so proud.”
“Maybe, but now I've let him down.”
Luca snorts. “You sound like a little bitch, big brother.”
“Luca!” I snap. Looking back to Leo, I say, “The pain he’s feeling will ease with time, and in that time, you’ll show him what you’re truly made of.”
He shakes his head. “I’m not so sure, Mom. I've never seen him like this before.”
“I know,” I agree.
When Oak and Sparky were taken all those years ago, and only Sparky came home with breath in his lungs, he went quiet, but over time, he came back, and life went on.
“All I can suggest is you give him time. You both know how your dad grew up, he had no one. Slade and Sparky were the first two people he ever learned to trust and when your dad trusts someone, it’s a big fucking deal. He's lost people over the years, but there have been too many losses lately. Men he’s called his family when he spent years believing he wouldn’t have any.”
“I know all that, but he’s lost faith in me. You know what happens when faith is lost.”
“Leo Jackson, you are stronger than this. Both my sons are strong, just like their father. You will get through this, it will make you even stronger. But even as strong as strong canbe, even the strongest occasionally reach a breaking point.” “Mom...”
Standing, I hold my hands on my hips and stare down at him. “No, what’s happened has happened. There's no changing it. It's now your job to make sure this doesn’t happen again, you make sure you go out there and put every enemy in the ground in the most bloodied of ways, and you make sure you keep yourself and your brothers alive.”
Luca’s laughter breaks the seriousness in the room. “Personally, I think Mom should have your patch, her balls are fuckin’ bigger than yours right now.”
“For fuck’s sake, Luca! I love you, the Lord knows how much, but can you please, for once, keep your mouth shut.”
“He’s right, Mom.”
My eldest son stands and towers above me, just as he has done since he was fourteen years old. “I’ll sort this out with Dad and bring this club back from the shit show it has become.”
I smile. “That’swhat a president sounds like.”
“Now the sun is shining, and the flowers are blooming, and singsongs are in the air, can we get back to being who we are?” Luca chimes sarcastically.
Sighing, I say, “Okay, for the sake of my sanity, go over to the bar and give me some peace to get this place straightened up.”
Leo presses a kiss on my cheek and hauls his brother up to his feet. “See ya, Mother,” Luca hollers on his way out.
“Make sure you come say goodbye before you leave!” I yell before they make it out of the house.
“Will do!” And the front door closes behind them.
I release a long exhale and my body shudders with pent up fear. I dread to think what would have happened if I hadn’t walked in.
Slade's death was always going to hit Cas hard, I was ready to support him and be there, but to go against our son, mymothering instincts wins over wife instincts. My family has always been strong, but tonight, I'm not so sure it will be able to come back stronger. It's new territory. I just hope I can learn quickly to navigate it before there is no going back.
After setting the living room straight, and taking the broken lamp out to put in the trash, I walk over to Holly’s and let myself in.
Both babies, Roman and Wolf, are in their bouncy chairs staring at the colorful cartoons on the TV. Gunner is asleep on the armchair and Rayna is painting her nails at the table.
Holly is curled up on the sofa and I join her.
“It’s quiet in here.”
“Don’t judge me, it’s the only time they’re both quiet and I can get ten minutes to myself.”
Holding my hands up, I assure her, “No judgement from me, sweetheart. Can I have word?”
