I set my phone on the coffee table and grabbed the throw from the back of the sofa. Kicking my shoes off, I lay down and cried more as my phone rang. I could see from where I was that it was Carter. He could go to hell. My heartache wouldn’t heal if I didn’t push him away. Eventually, I would tell him about my pregnancy, but it wouldn’t be any time soon. Seeing him had my chest feeling like it was on fire.
I wished him well, but I couldn’t be a part of anything that included him right now. It hurt too bad. My phone lit up, indicating he’d left a voice message. I wouldn’t be listening to it, because I knew there was no way I could handle it. The longer I lay here staring at my phone, the angrier I got. He had an entire week to fucking talk to me! I sat up, picked up my phone and threw it across the polished cement floors.
I lay back down and pulled the throw over my head, crying myself to sleep.
“Bali!”
I woke up to Noni’s voice. She’d used her key but couldn’t get in because I forgot to take the chain off the door. I slowly stoodand made my way to it. When I got to the door, I could see the sadness in her eyes, then her tears as she stared at me. I closed the door to remove the chain, then opened it for my sister. She immediately threw her arms around me. I couldn’t even hug her back. I felt so numb.
She released me, and I walked to the couch and fell back to it. I was weak and just felt extremely tired. I knew depression was looming over me like a fucking cloud. I didn’t know what to do about it. I couldn’t socialize it away, because I wasn’t a social person. That would make me feel worse.
Noni sat across from me, with my phone in her hand, in the accent chair. She didn’t say anything, but her gaze seemed to be coaxing the words out of me.
“I went to Liberty and gave Carter the ring back.”
She brought her hands to her open mouth, and tears immediately sprang from her eyes. “Bali, I’m so sorry.”
I shrugged. “It is what it is. I’m assuming he no longer trusts me because of what I did. So, I guess I’ll just be single.”
“He hasn’t talked to you?”
“No.”
“Red said he was supposed to call since Saturday. He wanted Red to be with him when he made the call, but he ended up leaving before Carter was ready to call you.”
“Well, I guess he had bitch in his blood, because he didn’t call. He had an entire week to reach out. He was the one who was angry. He was the one that left. What was I supposed to do? I’m not sorry for what I did.”
“Maybe he needs reassurance from you about your love.”
I frowned at Noni and was about ready to put her ass out of my house. “Why? I didn’t do shit to him. Secondly, if that was what he needed, he should have communicated that.”
“You’re right. If he does want to talk, would you be willing to listen to what he has to say?”
“Only if he’s trying to understand why I did what I did and we will be together. If he still doesn’t want to be with me, what would be the point? I don’t need closure. Fuck that. I got that shit when he refused to talk to me for an entire week. I will eventually be just fine without him.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, thinking about the baby growing inside of me. I couldn’t have been any more than four or five weeks. After I did a blood test, I would tell my parents and siblings. However, I knew I needed to tell Noni now.
“I need to schedule an appointment with you.”
“It’s time for your yearly already?” she asked with a frown. Suddenly, her eyebrows lifted. “You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”
“Yeah. I found out today. I hate that I am. I should have waited until we were married. We were supposed to just get married and have a ceremony whenever you were getting married. We always talked about doing that together. I knew you and Red weren’t ready, and I didn’t know if y’all would ever be ready. We were gonna get married and not tell anyone. I’m glad that didn’t happen. It would be that much harder to get rid of him and vice versa.”
Noni dropped a few tears. “You don’t want to tell him about the baby?”
“I will, eventually. I don’t want him trying to make things work with me simply because I’m pregnant. I’ll tell him before I start showing.”
“Bali, I think you should?—”
“Hell no. I can’t handle him being in my face right now. If he finds out, I’m gonna know you ran your fucking mouth. I’ll tell Mama and Daddy Mayor after my appointment. What do you have available?”
“We can do it tomorrow, if you have time.”
“I do.”
I lay on the couch, wishing things were different. Before I knew it, I was crying all over again. My mouth was reckless, but my heart, once penetrated, was soft as cotton. Carter was a part of me, so it felt like I was dying inside. Noni set my phone on the table and came to the couch, lifted my head and sat, allowing me to rest my head in her lap. She played in my curly tresses while I purged all over again.
My phone started to ring, and Noni leaned over to look at it. I thought I broke that shit when I threw it. I knew it was Carter. No one else called me like that. She sat back and continued rubbing my head. “That was Carter. There’s also a message from Daddy.”
