“Naw. I plan to call her today. Can you listen in for support?”
“Yeah. I mean, I’m surprised you want me to.”
He slid his hand down his face. “I know I’m gonna need it. I feel like when I tell her I want to take a step back, she’s gonna break things all the way off.”
“Honestly, Carter, what’s the point in breaking off the engagement if you plan to still be in a relationship with her? Y’all haven’t set a date yet, right?”
“Naw, we haven’t.”
I shrugged my shoulders. “Well, there’s no point in breaking off the engagement. Either break up with her or be with her. She needs an answer, though. You can’t continue the radio silence you’re giving her. She may make the decision for you if you take too long.”
“I feel like I want her to. I love her so much.”
“So why can’t you get past this?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. She went too far, man. I can’t help but wonder if she’ll do that shit again. I don’t want to be in love with someone who can be cold enough to take a muthafucka out of here without remorse.”
“Are you still angry?” I asked.
“Naw, but my heart hurts. I miss her like crazy, but just at the mental picture of her, I get sick to my stomach. I know she won’t be going to nationals.”
All I could think about was Noni. How was I gonna be around him and Noni at the same time? I remembered how I felt being around him and Bali. I was depressed as a muthafucka. It seemed he was being hard on her about this, but I supposed that was just my opinion about things. I could only hope he changed his mind before Friday.
“How you gon’ keep her from going? I mean, Milana, Rylan, and Karima are competing. She could choose to just show up without actually being next to you.”
“I suppose I can’t. She won’t be with me, though. That was what I meant.”
I nodded and took a deep breath as I glanced at Uncle Legend. It seemed no one knew what to say to him. Carter was pretty headstrong. When he made his mind up about something, he typically went with that shit. I just hoped his mind wasn’t totally made up yet. He and Bali were perfect for each other. I knew that if they didn’t have each other, no one else they met would measure up.
I didn’t want to see either of them miserable for the rest of their lives, so this shit had to work.
CHAPTER 25
BALI
Pregnant.
This was fucking great. I grabbed the stick from the vanity and broke it in half. I no longer wanted to be pregnant, but as my luck would have it, I got pregnant off the first round of Clomid. It had been a week since I’d spoken to Carter, so I guess he was done. He still hadn’t found the balls to tell me that shit yet. That was okay, because I was going to his house today.
I was tired of feeling like I was dying. I’d lost nearly ten pounds this past week. I hadn’t been able to eat or sleep. I missed him so much. After washing my hands, I went to the kitchen and grabbed my purse and keys, then headed to the garage to make my way to Liberty. He would be leaving tomorrow for Vegas. I canceled my flight. There was no way I could go all the way out there and not be with him. I could watch the shit on TV.
When I backed out of the driveway, I saw Noni and Red outside. She was trying to wave me down, but I ignored her. Talking to anyone was out of the question. I’d talked to Daddy, but he’d been busy trying to get Uncle Marcus out of that damndetention center. He called and checked on me daily, but I hadn’t seen him since Sunday.
The drive went by in a blur. It seemed like I was on autopilot all the way to Liberty. When I turned in his driveway, I could see him in the backyard at the barn. I got out of the car and headed back there. When he lifted his head and saw me, he dropped the saddle he was holding. He seemed to be just fine not talking to me. He looked good as ever.
I swallowed my emotions as I approached him. Digging in my pocket, I pulled out my engagement ring. He bit his bottom lip as he watched me. I knew my face had to be red, because I felt hot and queasy. My insides were threatening to expose themselves, and I could barely subdue them. Once I was close enough to touch him, I grabbed his hand, turning it palm up. As I stared at him, I could feel my body quake.
With my other hand, I placed the engagement ring in his hand and walked away. My cries escaped me as he called out, “Bali!”
I refused to turn to him. My cries were loud and uncontained, and I barely made it to my car. I slid inside and locked my doors, then cried until I felt like I had to throw up. When I opened my eyes, he was standing there with his hand on my window. Quickly putting the car in gear, I began backing out as he yelled my name repeatedly. He had a whole fucking week to talk to me. He was the one with the issue. What was I supposed to reach out and say?
I wasn’t sorry about what I did. I was sorry that he couldn’t be with me because of it. That shit hurt like hell, but I knew I had to move on for the sake of the life growing inside of me. This would have to be my new normal, and it was time I talked to my sister about everything. I didn’t want to talk to anyone until I had talked to Carter, but he showed me that he had no intenton making things right between us. He was good leaving me in limbo.
When I got home, Noni and Red were still outside, sitting on the porch. I would talk to her once he left. He was leaving tomorrow for Vegas with Carter. I put my garage door down and made my way inside. My phone chimed with a text message, so I pulled it from my pocket to see a message from Noni.
I miss you so much. I love you.
I flopped on the couch and responded,We can talk once Red leaves. I miss and love you too.
