“Okay,” I whispered.
This felt weird. Usually this was me comforting her or Maui. I sat up and sucked up my emotions and grabbed my phone. I checked Daddy’s text message.
You okay, baby? I just wanted to check on you.
I closed my eyes for a moment and responded.I’m okay, Daddy. It’s time for me to suck that shit up and live my life.
I went to my missed calls log and stared at Carter’s picture. Noni was watching me intently, waiting to see what I would do. I clicked his icon and put the phone on speaker so she could hear.
When he answered, he immediately went in. “Bali, I’m so sorry. This is your ring, baby.”
I closed my eyes and remained silent for a few seconds. “Is that all you wanted to say?”
“I love you, girl. That shit is just hard for me to process. It has my mind going crazy with what ifs.”
“So we shouldn’t be together, right? Is that what you’re saying? You’re done with me, Carter?”
I sounded so fucking nonchalant, but I felt anything but. I felt like my world had stopped revolving. It felt like I was simply existing.
“I need time. I want to be with you, but my mind won’t allow me to right now. Can I have time?”
“Let’s just be done. I don’t want to have hope that you’ll come back to me, only to be disappointed that it never happens. If I’m no longer the love of your life, then that ring is no longer mine. I love you. I always will. Good luck at nationals and with the movie and everything. Bye, Carter.”
“Bali, wait! I don’t want us to end like this. Please, baby.” I could hear him falling apart by the way his voice quivered. “Don’t let me go,” he said softly. “Please . . .”
He was making me want to cry all over again. “Carter, you’re wanting me to hang on to you in limbo, not knowing if you’ll ever get over decisions I made. I can’t do that. That’s not fair to me,” I said as my voice quivered.
He whispered, “Don’t leave me . . .”
I put the phone on the table without hanging up and stood from the couch. I couldn’t take it. He wanted me to just hang around without any assurances we would still be together. Honestly, that was probably what I would be doing anyway, because I surely wouldn’t date anyone else, especially now that I knew I was pregnant. Carter was the only man I wanted.
When I got to my bedroom, I started the shower. Noni walked through the door, holding my phone with tears streaming down her cheeks. “I hate this, Bali.”
I nodded as she put the phone on my dresser. “I hate it, too,” I whispered.
My doorbell rang, and I slowly shook my head. I did not want to be bothered with anybody. I went to my bathroom and took off my clothes to get in the shower. They always stepped over our boundaries like they didn’t matter. I hated unexpected company.
Just as I was about to step in, Noni said through the intercom system I had installed, “Carter is outside, Bali.”
He must’ve been at Red’s house for him to get here so fast. I pushed the button. “Fuck no. I can’t go through this shit with him. I’m tired. I caaaaaan’t.”
Once again, I broke. This shit was so unlike me, and I hated it. I sat on the bench in the shower and put my hands over my face. When I heard the shower door open, my eyes popped open to see Carter getting in with me.
“No! You don’t want me anymore! Get out!”
“I will always want you. I’m sorry.”
He tried to put his arms around me, but I pushed him away. “Please don’t do this only to ghost me for another week. I can’t take this shit, Carter. It hurts bad enough as it is.”
He pulled me to him, and I didn’t have the strength to fight him. I hated that he was here. It felt like I was being knocked back to square one. In one fluid motion, he lifted me and lowered me on his dick. I couldn’t even focus on the pleasure his dick always brought me. All I could think about was that this was a goodbye fuck. I wrapped my legs and arms around him and lowered my head to his shoulder.
I couldn’t moan, I couldn’t grunt, nor could I even enjoy it. I was surprised I was wet. He grabbed my earlobe with his teeth and groaned as he wrapped his arms around me. He was holding me tightly against him. My eyes were closed, and for the first time during sex with Carter, I was trying to disconnect.
When his movements stilled, I knew he was done. I slid from his arms and stepped under the spray as he stood there watching me. I stared back at him, wishing he would just leave. I was going to beat Noni’s ass for even letting him in here. I turned away from him and let the water drench my face.
His arms wrapped around me from behind, and he kissed the side of my head, then he left the shower. I washed up and rinsed off. When I got out, he was gone. The man I loved and had lovedfor my entire life was gone. I was alone in this world, and I was already hating every second of it.
CHAPTER 26
