All she could do was stare at him. Those were the words that she had longed to hear for so long, but he could not mean what he said, or he didn’t understand how shallow his feelings truly were. “Had you longed for me all this time, you would have come to me a year and a half ago.”
Had Lady Hartfell not gathered them together for a house party, she may have never seen him again. “If you truly loved me and needed me, you would not have waited. Revenge would not have been more important.”
He stared at her, his eyes wide and mouth agape.
“Even if you were waiting for your father to pass, that was six months ago,” she reminded him. “Not only that, but you did not even give me a choice five years ago. Yes, you feared being poor. If you had truly loved me back then, you would have at least come to me and explained. We could have discussed the matter before you altered your future. I have ten thousand pounds and we would not have been destitute.” She remembered thinking that his father couldn’t have controlled all of England. “We could have found a way if you had truly wanted a future with me.”
As she said the words, Cait realized that is what had hurt her the most. He had not trusted her or respected her enough to explain and seek a solution.
“You were more worried about having funds and a position with the Home Office that you did not even consider other solutions or ask me for my opinion or help. If you truly loved me, you would have found a way around those obstacles. But even if there had not been one, at least you would have tried. That is what hurts, Lord Shorewood. You never asked or gave me an option. Therefore, you could not have loved me or even cared as deeply as you claim.”
With that she turned her horse and urged it forward.
Julian called after her, but Cait did not answer. Instead, she rode straight for the stables, dismounted then rushed into the house and up to her chamber where she fell on her bed and finally cried.
Julian did not love her. He never had. He had no concept of love.
Chapter Eighteen
Julian had handed his heart over to Cait, told her of his love and she had rejected him.
She hadn’t even waited long enough for him to fully explain but rode off and ignored him as he called after her.
The Cait of five years ago wasn’t so stubborn. The Cait of five years ago was warm and caring. The Cait of five years ago would have listened and attempted to understand.
Had she really changed so much?
Had he?
Julian rode back to the stables, ignoring his friends, and dismounted then stormed into the house and made his way to the billiards room. That is where his aunt had placed the liquor. That is where he would remain.
Perhaps they had both changed too much. Perhaps he had been holding on to a love that really didn’t exist.
No, it had existed. At least it existed for him. He had assumed Cait loved him as well.
Could he have been so wrong? Or had her love simply died because he had waited too blasted long?
Yet his heart still beat for her but hers did not for him.
Did he continue to fight for her? Did he try to convince her that they belonged together? Or did he have to face the truth that she did not want him, and he needed to give up?
Julian poured brandy into a glass and took a deep drink as if he were quenching a thirst instead of wishing to get drunk. The brandy burned its way down his throat and warmed his belly.
His father and brother had set him on this path. But the reason he was here now was because of decisions Julian had made. Decisions from five years ago. Decisions made a year and a half ago. Decisions made six months ago.
He had erred and as Cait said, “We cannot live our lives with regrets of the past.” But how could he not? All he had was regret.
“I thought I would find you here.”
Julian turned to find his aunt Agatha standing in the doorway.
“Why would you believe that?”
“Because I witnessed Miss Doyle run from the stables into the house.”
“She rejected me.” He took another drink. “The plan that you had to right wrongs failed, Aunt Agatha. She does not want me so you should let us both leave.”
“Are you so certain?”
