“I do not plan to find a wife in Society.” He pulled the horse to a halt and turned toward her and in that moment decided he was going to confess the truth.
“My marriage was not pleasant. Further, my wife was quite mad.”
Evelyn had usedthose same words, but Cait assumed that she simply had not liked the woman.
Cait then listened to Julian explain how Imogene had used Julian’s brother as a way to marry Julian. A chill had snaked down her spine at the cold calculation and realized that Evelyn had not been exaggerating when she said that the woman had been mad.
“Each time I returned home, she would place a hand on her belly with a promise that she carried a son and then I would love her. If that were to occur, I would be asking who the father was because I never touched her.”
This information was far too private for him to be telling her. “You should not tell me these things.”
“Yes, I should,” he argued. “I need for you to understand.”
“Very well,” Cait answered.
“Imogene slipped further and further into her madness of irrational and grandiose beliefs that ours was a love for the ages despite the fact we never had a real marriage and I saw her rarely. I only returned home more often once our daughter was born because I wanted to make certain she was getting the care that she needed, but I could not remain for long because of my wife sneaking into my chamber and my father demanding that I do my duty to father a son.”
Cait did feel bad for him. The marriage had not been his choice, but he took on the duty.
“I ended up removing my daughter from Ashford Place.”
Cait gasped. “You took her from her mother?” How horrible for him to do so.
“At first, Valeria was ignored by Imogene. I was not so bothered by that because my daughter had a nurserymaid to look after her when I was away. But when Imogene started blaming the child for my lack of love for her and started telling Valeria that she was worthless because she was a female, I could not stand by and allow her to be treated so poorly. My father had often told me that my only purpose was being a spare and would then ignore me. I refused to allow my child to experience such disparaging comments and made to feel unwanted and unworthy, even if she may not have been old enough to fully understand.”
How could any parent speak to their child in such a manner. “Where is she living?”
“I brought her here and put her under the care of my aunt, who I knew would see that Valeria was raised properly and with love. Something my daughter did not experience with my father and her mother.”
“You call heryourdaughter.”
Julian shrugged. “She is. I may be her uncle, but from the moment she was born, she has been mine and Society will always believe her to be my daughter.”
“Will you ever tell her the truth?”
“Perhaps when she is older, though I am not certain it will be necessary either.”
Maybe it would be better if she did not know the truth. It was likely she’d learn of her mother’s madness, but to learn that the gentleman who had raised her as his own was actually her uncle could be too much, especially when she learned how the man who fathered her had died.
“In answer to your question, I would never seek a wife amongst theton. It is impossible to truly come to know anyone and I would rather be alone than risk marriage to a stranger again.”
“I understand,” Cait mumbled. She’d be afraid to wed as well.
“After she died, my father demanded that I wed and give him a grandson. That is all he ranted about. I refused to do his bidding.”
“Revenge?” Cait asked for clarification. “You refused to pursue anyone because of revenge?” Is that why Julian didn’t visit her after his wife died?
That is assuming he still loved her, which Cait found difficult to believe, especially if revenge was more important than what they had once shared.
“Yes,” Julian admitted. “But now that he is gone, I am finally free to pursue who I want and what I want. The person he took from me five years ago.”
Cait pulled her horse to a halt. “Five years ago!” She was hurt before but tried to understand. Now she was angry.
Julian returned to her side. “Yes Cait, you. I lost you because of his demands and it is the one thing that I will always regret.” He reached for her hand. “My heart never changed. I fell in love with you then and I have loved you every day since.”
She pulled her hand back. “No. You do not.”
“Of course, I do. Cait, you are the one who has lived in my heart. You are the one who I have longed for. You are the one who I need. What can I do to make it right?”
