“What?” Kit burst out. “What are you talking about?”
Robert rolled his eyes. “Come now, don’t rewrite history. You noticed Sarah Carlton long before that night. I recall you watching her a year before that mess. Sometimes you would comment on her gown or notice a change in her hair. And after that situation with Meg, you got even worse. Always tracking her around. Meg is probably right, though she always is. Damned annoying of her, and I’ve told Simon so many a time.”
“You court a punch in the face if you cross Simon in regards to Meg,” Kit said. “But now you’re supporting her theory and I feel like I’m being told I never knew my own mind.”
“You’ve always been serious,” Robert said gently. “Focused on taking on your father’s title and his responsibility. And then when he got sick, your focus turned in even more. That you weren’t ready to face your own…desires…isn’t that surprising.”
Kit walked the length of the room, pausing at the window to stare out at the garden. Even from here he could see the bright yellow primrose dotting the landscape. Sarah’s flower. It had been there all along, of course, in his father’s garden for likely generations. Yet he’d never noticed it, never felt it mean something until now.
Was it the same with Sarah? Could Meg and Robert be right? Or was that just a flight of fantasy created by the terrifying events of the previous day and the weight of grief from losing his father?
“I kissed her,” he admitted.
“Did you now?” Robert drawled. “Where?”
Kit turned and stared at his friend. He couldn’t help but picture all the ways he could kiss Sarah. All the places that would make her blush and moan and sigh. “The…mouth?” he said slowly.
Robert tilted his head back and laughed. “Ah, I like that your mind takes you on such filthy paths. That bodes well for your future. But I meant where in the house, you great dolt.”
“Oh.” Kit’s cheeks flooded with heat. “My chamber. In…er…my bed.”
Robert was silent for a moment. A very long moment. His face was unreadable as he just stared at Kit like he’d grown a second head. “And here I called you a monk.”
“What?”
“Behind your back. Kit the Monk. I feel I should apologize, for I clearly misjudged you.”
“Thank you,” Kit said with a glare. “I appreciate the support.”
Robert’s teasing demeanor faded. “I’m not opposed to the idea of you being swept away by passion. God knows, it can be a very good thing. But I do wonder what brought it on. Was it just the grief? Just the fear of what happened yesterday? Just the gratitude?”
Kit returned to his seat and flopped there. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “Yes. To all those things. But…it was more than that. I walked into that room and I just wanted to…to touch her. I wanted to touch her, and it had everything and nothing to do with the fact that she nearly died.”
Robert nodded slowly. “And was she responsive?”
“God, yes.” Kit flashed back to that kiss in full detail. That kiss that had haunted him all night, all morning. “I felt her melt into me and I lost all sense of propriety. I had to force myself to stop because I knew I would go too far.”
“That isn’t you,” Robert said.
Kit couldn’t help but laugh. “No, it’syou! Or it used to be.”
“Still is. I just save it all for my amazing wife,” Robert said.
“Well, did you will the rest of your libertine ways to me when you got married?”
Now Robert laughed. “I should have. But this is all you.”
“Like you said, though…why now? Why here? Why her?”
“Meg’s sharp observation may answer why her,” Robert said. “As for the rest, we already talked about it. You’ve been in mourning not just a few days, but a fewyears. You’ve constrained your emotions as you tried to do what was right. Perhaps this release, this surrender to what you want, is exactly what you need right now.”
Kit shook his head. The very idea of surrendering to his desires made his whole body quake. His desires were more powerful and out of control than he intended to admit. And he had one prevailing fear when he dared consider them.
“I will take advantage,” he said softly.
Robert shook his head. “Not unless you go too far. And I know you. You won’t.”
Kit scrubbed a hand over his face. While he appreciated his friend’s deep faith in him, he wasn’t as certain as Robert was. Because when he thought of kissing Sarah again, his mind took him down paths that were wild and wanton. And he wasn’t sure he would be able to keep himself from going too far after all.
