The beeping noise that follows suggests she’d already pressed the button.
I put down my fork and listen as Cillian lectures Phoebe on the dangers of opening the gate. That it could be anyone out there.
‘But it could be Mammy.’ The hope in her voice is heart breaking.
‘Mammy isn't …’ Cillian’s voice stops mid-sentence.
‘Mammy!’ Phoebe squeals.
‘Teagan, I told you, you can’t just turn up unannounced like this.’ Cillian’s stern voice travels closer.
‘Don’t worry, this is the last time. I’m leaving tonight. I came to say goodbye.’ Teagan’s voice cracks with emotion and I feel guilty for listening, but it’s not like I’ve got any other choice.
‘Why bother this time? You don’t normally.’ Cillian bites.
‘What about the nativity?’ Phoebe wails. ‘Mammy you promised you’d stay. Please don’t go.’
My chest cracks wide open. I choke back a sob.
‘Isshehere?’ Teagan demands, footsteps approach the kitchen. A deep sense of unease washes over me even though I’ve done nothing wrong.
I stand as Teagan enters the kitchen. She’s wearing jeans and a grey hoody. Her face is pale and tear-streaked.
‘Teagan, I—’ It’s the first time I’ve seen her since things got real between Cillian and me, and for some reason, I don’t know what to say to her. Because there are no words. If I was her, if I’d had a man like Cillian and lost him, I’d be devastated too.
But then again, she didn't lose him. She never had him in the first place.
ChapterThirty
CILLIAN
Every time I dare to hope for some sort of normality, some sort of lasting stability, Teagan blows in like a gale and destroys everything. I was a fool to think this peace would last. Nothing ever lasts.
‘I was talking to your mother. I heard you two had quite the night at Huxley Castle. I heard you weredancing.’ She spits the word like it’s poison. ‘I’m the mother of your child. You never once even sat next to me in public, and yet you’re canoodling on a dancefloor with some floozy you’ve just met.’
‘That’s enough, Teagan.’ It’s not about the dancing and we both know it. It’s what it represents. That I put my hands on Ava and claimed her as mine.
Teagan scoops a sniffling Phoebe up and places her on the kitchen counter next to her, rubbing her little legs in what’s supposed to be a soothing gesture. If she knew her own daughter at all she’d know the best way to soothe her is to play with her hair.
I exhale a heavy breath and reach my arms out to Phoebe, but she shakes her head, staring only at her mother.
Teagan tilts her face towards Phoebe’s. ‘I need to go away for a while.’
‘You don’tneedto!’ Phoebe shouts. ‘Youwantto!’ Her astuteness is shocking. I thought I’d done a fairly good job plastering the cracks but, clearly, I was wrong.
‘No, sweetie, this time, I need to. Mammy has to go and do a bit of soul-searching.’ Teagan turns to Cillian. ‘Alone.’
If you believe that, you’ll believe anything. It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask what his name is, but firstly, I wouldn't do that in front of Phoebe, and secondly, I don’t care.
‘Seriously, I need to sort myself out. I’m getting too old to flit around like a used to.’ Teagan’s blue eyes well. ‘I had hoped things might have been different.’ She glances between Ava and me. ‘But it’s clear they never will be. I know I only have myself to blame but it still hurts.’
Ava watches on, wringing her hands, discomfort etched into every fine line of her face.
Welcome to my messy family. If this doesn’t put her off, nothing will.
Teagan stares at Ava with a cross between envy and curiosity and says, ‘He never looked at me, the way he looks at you. Not even before I got pregnant.’
‘That’s enough.’ I eye Phoebe pointedly. I’ve made it my mission to protect her from Teagan’s toxicity and I’m not about to expose her to it now.
