I can’t ask that silently or out loud, because I don’t want to hear the answer if it’s no.
“And then we wait to see who she chooses. You need to be there.”
I shrug. “You say that as though I care about being chosen.”
“You should care.”
I snort and check my pot. I do care, but not in the way he thinks I should. The sap has boiled enough, so I take it off the fire. It’s easier to talk when I don’t have to look at him. “I care about you.”
Vari sighs. I hope he is hurting as much as I, but in my next breath, I don’t mean it. “If you don’t join us, the others will believe I have killed you.”
He did. Because he doesn’t understand that I never really wanted a mate, not like the other warriors. And not just because I am a fourth son and I’d accepted I was never going to have one. I like Bridget, but I’m not sure I like her in the same way I like Vari.
Maybe I didn’t know there was a difference until I met the human women, and I saw the way Edilk and Sunif fell over themselves to get a mate. Having an attachment and a mate are very different things, in part because of how a warriors body responds.
“Well, I can’t eat all of this candy on my own.” It is my apology gift for excluding myself from tribe life. I was always going back for dinner to face the stares and the silent questions.
And Bridget’s not so silent ones.
Did you tell everyone you left me?
Only Bridget asked.
I nod.
I do not think the others will ask. They understand the upheaval the human women have caused. Would you like help to pack up?
I consider sending him away, but I long for his company so much that I can’t.
We don’t speak as he folds up the blanket, and I put the rest of my things into my bundle. There is nothing left to say, or at least nothing that I know how to say.
Attachments are meant to be fleeting, but I’d let myself imagine a lifetime.
The sun is setting when we arrive back at the camp. Dinner is cooking. I hope it wasn’t Yva’s doing because while he is very good at killing, I’d rather eat it raw than after he’s tried to cook it.
Edilk buzzes me, a simple greeting.
“I made candy,” I say out loud for the women’s benefit. I have used my voice more in the last handful of days than I usually do in a moon.
That gets Hrad’s attention. He loves the sweet.
“Where is Bridget?”
“On her way back from the beach with Yva.” Sunif says aloud. Mia is held firmly in his lap as though he expects her to run away, but from the look on her face, she’s not running anywhere.Yva is annoyed that boasting of his tribe’s riches failed to win her over.
I could have told Yva that…but I wouldn’t have. He is not the right warrior for Bridget. I’ve had plenty of time to consider who is, and it’s the man standing next to me who I once believed was mine.
We sit, and a few moments later they are visible and walking over. Yva’s charge is almost crackling over his skin. I’m surprised he isn’t glowing. I sip the gol, expecting Bridget to ignore me.
She doesn’t. She smiles as though relieved to see me and then inclines her head as if expecting me to follow. For a heartbeat, then a second one, I consider ignoring her request. Her smile falters and I can’t let it break. So I stand and follow her away from the others to the little shelter where she slept last night.
She crosses her arms, a move that means she is ready to stand her ground. “I thought you were my friend. I needed you today.”
I wince at the truth, but can’t hold back my own strike. “You are the reason Vari will not share my blanket anymore.”
Bridget glances away. “That wasn’t my intention.”
I draw in a breath, not wanting to fight with her. I also need a friend and she has become that in the short time I have known her. “Yet it still hurts.”
