“Wow,” Matteo sighed as he pulled away.
“Was that a good wow or a bad wow?” I asked. I knew what I thought of the kiss, and I hoped like hell Matteo enjoyed it as much as I did.
“That was absolutely a good wow,” he reassured me. “I kind of want to do it again.”
This man was going to be the death of me. It would be so easy for me to drag him up to the bedroom and push every limit he thought he had, but I’d given my word. I would never be able to put into words what a blessing it was to escort Matteo on this journey of self-discovery, and I would gladly hold myself back to make sure he was comfortable at every turn. For now, it was getting late and both of us had had a long day.
“We can talk more about this tomorrow,” I told him, ignoring the petulant pout on his kiss-swollen lips. “Do you want me to run you home or would you like to sleep here?”
“If I sleep here, where would I sleep?” Matteo’s words were stilted and uncertain.
“As much as I would love waking up to you in my arms, I’m not sure you’re ready for that. There is a pullout bed in my home office if you’d prefer that,” I told him. Just saying the words made my gut sour.
“And no matter what, there’s no sex tonight?”
“Not even if you beg me, Angel.” My dick protested. I was going to turn into a walking case of blue balls, but with Matteo opening up to me, I wanted to prove to him that I would always be a voice of reason in whatever this was we were doing. “You’re tired and you’ve had a long day. All I’m offering tonight is a comfortable place to sleep.”
“In that case, I think I’d like to wake up in your arms too.” Before Matteo could change his mind, I led him down the hall to my bedroom. Without hesitation, Matteo stripped out of the clothes I’d loaned him earlier and crawled into my bed wearing nothing but the sexy little race car underwear he’d decided to keep on under his grown-up clothes.
7
Matteo
The first thingI noticed as I woke up was cold air on my legs. I never slept without at least a pair of shorts. I lifted the sheet that was covering part of my midsection to make sure I wasn’t naked. Memories started trickling to the forefront of my mind from the night before and I jolted upright in a panic. I struggled to draw breath as I tried to recall what the hell had happened after Levi brought me to his bedroom. I knew he’d told me we weren’t going to have sex, but in my entire life I’d never felt this out of sorts, which was impressive, since my whole life was one jumbled mess of scattered thoughts.
A strong hand squeezed my shoulder and pulled me back down to the mattress. “It’s early, Angel. Go back to sleep.”
A pit formed in my stomach, a combination of guilt and relief. I may not have known Levi very long, but he’d given me his word that we wouldn’t do anything I wasn’t ready for. I was the one who’d made the decision to ask to sleep in his bed because I wanted to know what it was like to wake up with someone else’s body pressed against mine. For one night, I wanted to be normal. And I had, right until my brain kicked into overdrive and I instantly assumed the worst about him.
“I’m sorry for waking you.” If Levi was upset, he didn’t show it. Instead, he draped an arm over my torso and yanked me back until our bodies were pressed together from shoulder to toe. I felt his morning wood nestling into the crease of my butt. Given everything I’d convinced myself about my lack of sexual attraction, I expected to be repulsed, but I wasn’t; I was intrigued. It was tempting to rock my hips backward just to see what he’d do. I wasn’t ready to jump straight to sex, but after everything Levi had done for me, I wanted to do something in return for him.
“Angel, if you keep that up, I can’t be held responsible for what I do,” he growled before pressing his lips to my shoulder. “You have no clue how hard it is for me to be in bed with someone as sexy as you and stand by my promise to take things at your pace.”
“Thank you.” Something had changed last night, and I found myself wishing I had the freedom to call him Daddy, but we hadn’t talked in depth about our expectations for whatever the heck it was we were doing, and it felt a bit presumptuous to thrust him into that role without him telling me that’s what he wanted. I knew we’d fallen into those roles during the shoot, but that was different. That was work; this was real life.
“Angel, if you don’t stop thinking so hard you’re going to get yourself all worked up and it will be impossible for you to focus today.” How did he know what I was thinking or how single-track my mind could be? “If you have questions, ask them. That’s the only way you’ll find the answers you need.”
“I just… It’s stupid… I was wondering…” Apparently, this sliver of sexual awakening had rendered me completely dumb and I was incapable of forming a coherent sentence.
“Take your time.” Levi’s tone was soft and gentle. Just like he had from the moment we’d met, he had a way of calming me without making me feel like I was a freak when I got this way. “There’s no question you can ask that I won’t answer.”
“Okay, so it’s like this,” I started, taking a deep breath before continuing, trying to find the confidence I’d felt yesterday during the photo shoot when Levi helped me slip into what he called little space. “Yesterday was amazing. I don’t know why, but it was. When we were playing at the loft and it was just the two of us, it felt right for me to call you Daddy.”
Levi dragged a finger down my sternum, stopping right above my navel. He peppered kisses across both my shoulders and up my neck as his hand continued mapping my chest. “Is there a question in there somewhere?”
“Only about a million.” I let out a self-deprecating chuckle. “And as much as I want to ask, I’m still worried that you’re going to get sick of trying to help me work through everything.”
“Angel, if we’re going to do this, you’re going to have to trust me.” My heart did a little flip every time Levi called me Angel. “If I had a problem with you asking me questions, I wouldn’t push you so hard to ask them.”
I let out a slow breath and relaxed, wondering how this was my life. A week ago, I was resigned to being the perpetually single brother in the family. I was jealous of both Frankie and Freddie for finding partners who loved and accepted them for who they were, but I truly believed that wasn’t in the cards for me. Everything had changed the moment I met Levi. At first, I was so caught up in some of the things John expected me to do for the photo shoot that I hadn’t allowed myself to acknowledge the way Levi took care of me, but he never gave up. And now, he was offering something I hadn’t even known I’d wanted.
“Instead of asking all the questions at once, why don’t you start with one?” Levi suggested. He squeezed me tighter. Even though I hadn’t moved to get away from him, it felt as if he knew how close I was to running and this was his way of telling me he wasn’t going to allow that. When I didn’t say anything in response, he did that thing again where he talked about his assumptions of what was running through my mind, guiding me to open to him. “This is a lot for you to take in at once. Not only are you realizing you’re not broken, as you put it, but your eyes are opening to a world you didn’t know existed. To make things even worse, you’re starting to admit, both to yourself and to me, that you’re intrigued by something a lot of society views as weird.”
“Exactly!” I smacked my hand against the mattress. “On the one hand, it’s exciting to finally feel… something,anything. I never tried getting to know people as more than friends because I always assumed it’d never lead anywhere. And then, the first time I do start feeling all the things other people talk about when it comes to relationships, it’s in a way that’s hard for me to digest. I mean, who in their right mind gets turned on by dressing up like a little boy and being told to sit down and color or pulled into someone’s lap to cuddle? And why does it make my insides flutter to think of you as Daddy? That must be wrong, right?”
“Wrong.” This was the first time I’d heard Levi’s voice booming with frustration. “There isabsolutely nothingwrong with what you like. Even I don’t know all the hows and whys of it. I can’t begin to explain what it is that you feel when you’re little, but if it’d help, I can tell you why I’m into this lifestyle.”
I rolled over because this felt like a conversation where I wanted to see all of Levi’s expressions. “Yes, please.”
