“That won’t happen,” I promised him. I’d already figured out that Matteo was insecure about the way his mind worked, but I found it endearing. Loved the way he was so unfiltered at times because it gave me a glimpse into his thoughts many others would hold back.
Teo stared out the window as I drove, occasionally running a hand through his hair or pinching his lip. I reached across the console, resting my hand on his knee. He glanced over, smiling before turning his attention once again to the passing scenery. By the time I pulled off the freeway, the only sound in the car was Teo’s soft snores.
At the next stoplight, I took a moment to study him while he was completely at peace. He looked so damn young and innocent, which only made me want him that much more. I hoped like hell I could be the one to help him sort through whatever he wanted to explore because I didn’t trust anyone else to care for him the way I could.
I pulled into my assigned parking stall and turned off the engine, thinking it’d wake him. When it didn’t, I leaned back in my seat and watched him sleep, wondering how long it’d been since he’d truly rested. To my credit, Ididresist the urge to pull out my phone and take a picture of him, even though this was the memory I’d most cherish from today. With everything we’d done at the loft, knowing he trusted me enough to fall into a deep sleep was priceless.
Once the air in the car began to cool, Teo stirred. He scrubbed a hand over his face, startled when he realized we weren’t moving. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, Angel. We’re home.” His brow furrowed, his mind fuzzy from his nap. “I mean we’re at my place. You still want to head inside?”
“Yes, please.”
This time, Teo waited in the car until I came around and opened his door. I wasn’t sure if it was an act of insecurity or if he’d realized I wanted to do this for him, but I kissed the side of his head as I unbuckled his seatbelt to let him know I was pleased. Hand-in-hand, I led him into the foyer of my apartment building. It wasn’t anything luxurious, but it was clean and mostly affordable; I didn’t need much more than that.
Inside my apartment, I only turned on a small lamp in the hall. Jinx slinked out from wherever she’d been hiding, weaving her way through Teo’s legs. “Sorry, she’s a bit of an attention whore.”
He crouched, holding out a hand so she could check him out. Once she sniffed a bit, she shoved her head into his palm, chasing his fingers when he dared try to back away. “She’s cute. Is she still a kitten?”
“No, she’s a few years old but never got very big. For a while, I worried something was wrong with her, but the vet says she’s healthy as can be.” I scooped up Jinx and scratched between her ears as I gave Teo a quick tour of the apartment. Uncertain how I wanted tonight to go, I invited him into the living room. He’d obviously won the Jinx seal of approval, because as soon as he curled up on one end of the couch, she jumped out of my arms and into his lap. That turned out to be a blessing because she gave him something to focus on while he organized his thoughts about everything that’d happened since he’d blasted into the loft this morning.
“I want to help John with his site,” he began, running his hand along the length of Jinx’s spine, giving her his undivided attention rather than looking at me. “He’s right about there not being a lot of information out there for people like me.”
“People like you?” I didn’t want to make any assumptions at this stage. He’d warmed up to me more than I’d imagined he ever would, and I didn’t want to risk losing that openness.
“There are message boards and stuff, but some people aren’t ready to jump in and talk to other people. What they need is a reputable site where they can read about what they’re into without obsessing over who’s going to judge them. And it’s not just kink. I can’t be the only person who’s wired weird, but I honestly thought there was something wrong with me until I met you.” That might’ve been the most I’d heard Matteo say in one coherent stream. Most of the time, if he said more than a sentence or two, he was rambling, trying to untangle his mind as he spoke.
“Tell me, Angel, have you spent time looking into what it means to be little?” I asked. He was too far away; I wanted him in my arms. Matteo tried pulling his knees up to his chest, sending Jinx running. The blush I’d come to love crept up his neck all the way to the tips of his ears. “You have, haven’t you?”
Giving into my own needs, I leaned forward and dragged Teo across the couch and onto my lap. He didn’t resist, instead burrowing into my chest, placing a hand on my shoulder. I combed my fingers through his hair. “Did you find what you were looking for?”
“A little.” His response was muffled as he pressed his face harder against my chest.
“You want to tell me what it is you found?” I ran my hand in circles around Matteo’s back, giving him time to answer.
“It’s hard for me to put into words,” he admitted. “But it was nice to find other people with stories like mine. That’s why I think I want to help John. I want to let someone else like me know they’re not alone.”
That was an admirable goal, but if Teo was going to do this, I wanted to make sure he was doing it for the right reasons. “I think that’s a great idea.”
“You do?” Matteo lifted his head to look at me and he seemed shocked that I wasn’t arguing with him, given my reluctance at the restaurant.
“I do,” I confirmed. “One of the hardest things for me since the other day has been seeing how confused you are by everything you’re thinking and feeling. Now, the question is, is this something you want to do on your own or is this something you want us to do together?”
His brow furrowed as he frowned. “I don’t think I can do this without you. Even if you just help me figure out what I like and I do all the work, you’d still be a part of it. Maybe it was a bit presumptuous to think that you’d want to help John too.”
“Not at all, Angel.” I pressed my lips against his forehead, smiling when Matteo hummed gently. In that moment, I hated everyone who’d ever made Teo feel like he was broken. His sexuality may not have been black or white, but this was a man who craved a connection to others. If we were going to do this, I needed to admit my own reservations. “The only reason I was upset with John earlier was because I was afraid of him pushing you to do something you didn’t want to do. I know you’re trying to work through everything you learn about yourself, and you have my word that I’ll never pressure you to do anything you’re not ready for.”
“That’s part of why I want to do this with you,” Matteo admitted. “If it was anyone else, I’d worry about being expected to do too much too fast, but you’ve been nothing but a gentleman since the moment we met.”
I had to laugh at that. This may have been one of the few times in my life when anyone had accused me of being a gentleman. Normally, I was the one who went for what he wanted, often without considering the consequences first. I didn’t have a good track record of listening to and respecting my partner’s needs, which was half the reason I hadn’t entertained the idea of getting into another relationship like the one I’d had with Bradley. Until now.
“You have no clue how much it means to hear you say that. Whatever you want to do, I would be grateful to be allowed on this journey with you.”
“Would it be okay for me to say I really want to kiss you right now?” The longer Matteo and I were together, the more I worried he was going to wind up with a permanent blush in his cheeks. The man was almost shy about what he wanted. If I had anything to say about it, that was one thing we would be working on because Matteo reaching for something that obviously interested him was beautiful.
“That would absolutely be okay,” I assured him, sliding a hand around the back of his neck, pulling his face down to mine. I wasn’t sure I had ever taken such cautious care for a simple kiss, but I knew Matteo would be worth the wait. I paused with my mouth so close to his I could feel every huff of breath across my cheek. As badly as I wanted to taste him, Matteo needed to take this for himself. I was the one who needed this bit of reassurance that when Matteo’s lips pressed to mine it was because it was what he wanted, not because he thought it was what I expected.
My eyes fluttered shut as I felt the stark contrast of firm yet soft lips press against mine. Neither of us moved to deepen the kiss, both content with languid pecks that lasted until I was so hard I thought I was going to come in my jeans.
