Hollis and his dad came into my room with me. I noticed my bedding had been changed to the blue sheets his parents bought for me. Kristin or Morgan must have done that while we were downstairs.
“Looks like you have a bodyguard,” Charles said as he turned and smiled at me. I thought he meant Hollis, but he gestured toward the nightstand. The Hulk Hogan action figure leaned against my lamp. I smiled and thought of Chase. I liked the little guy. “Remember, Patrick, if you can’t sleep or your stomach is bothering you, come wake me up. Okay?” Charles asked as he looked me in the eyes.
“Or me,” Hollis said. “I’m closer and just through our bathroom.” He smiled and gestured over his shoulder to the bathroom that separated our rooms.
I nodded to both of them and glanced at the bed. I wasn’t ready to go back to bed. My heart pounded fast. I glanced at Hollis and then quickly looked away when Charles wrapped his arms around me. A hug. I welcomed the warmth and leaned against him. Charles smoothed the hair down on the back of my head as he hugged me.
“I’m just down the hall,” he reminded me. I nodded as he let go of me. Charles looked at Hollis and pointed to our adjoining bathroom. “I assume you’re taking your secret passageway.”
“Yeah,” Hollis answered.
Charles headed to the hallway and said goodnight to us before he closed the door behind him. I turned and looked at my bed. I felt sick. I was afraid that once I got in bed and closed my eyes that I’d see Sebastian, or worse, feel him and his hands. I swallowed hard and almost jumped out of my skin when Hollis put his hand on my shoulder.
“Patrick—
“Don’t leave me, Hollis,” I whispered and stepped closer to him.
I was ashamed to look at him. I was ashamed to admit that I wasn’t ready and that I needed him.
“Please,” I quietly begged.
I was even more ashamed when my pathetic plea was followed by a few stray tears that came out of nowhere. When Hollis saw the tears, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against him.
“I won’t leave. I promise.”
The hug was unexpected and took my breath away. I leaned my forehead on his shoulder and absorbed his touch. I was starved for it.Would he move away if I hugged him back?Slowly, I raised my hands and reached around his sides and gently placed them on his back. He hadn’t moved. I was hugging him. I thought I was, at least.
I swallowed hard and opened my mouth to say something. I was about to admit something that I felt guilty for feeling, much less actually admitting it out loud. But it was something I’d felt ever since the day he got those Metallica kids to leave me alone. I quickly closed my mouth, though. I was afraid that he’d get angry, or worse, no longer would want to be around me. I stayed still, enjoying the physical closeness. No one else had ever made me feel like it was okay or safe for me to be close to them.
Not like Hollis did.
I opened my mouth again to say what I had tried to say moments ago.
“I… I don’t like it when you leave me,” I managed to say. He didn’t leave or say anything negative about what I said. I also didn’t notice a change in his breathing or body language. “I feel guilty about it,” I admitted.
“Well, don’t. You don’t need to feel guilty for wanting to be around people who won’t hurt you.” His hands rubbed on my upper back and then he patted it.
“I feel bad because I know you’re tired and I’m being kind of selfish,” I said. I didn’t move, though.
“Stop feeling bad about it. I want to be here for you. Get in bed.” Hollis gently pulled us apart and then guided me toward the bed. “Hulk has one side, and I’ll get the other,” he teased.
I didn’t say anything more on it and got into bed. If he was willing to stay with me, then I could at least stop resisting him and let him rest. I curled up on my side facing him, and he situated himself beside me and propped a pillow against my headboard to lean against. He pulled the sheet and my blanket up over my shoulders and put Blueberry in my hands.
I closed my eyes but was in no hurry to drift off to sleep. I was still afraid of seeing Sebastian again. Hollis’ hand was under the sheet close to mine. I could feel his warmth radiating off his skin. I opened my eyes just enough to peek at him. His head leaned against the headboard and his eyes were closed. I closed my eyes again and straightened my index finger. I grazed the side of his hand and left my finger against his warm flesh.
He was close, and I was safe to drift off to sleep now. He’d wake me up if it looked or sounded like I was having a bad dream. I trusted him.
I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock. My eyes popped open, and I stared at the green neon digits glowing back at me. Hollis must have gone back to his room once I fell asleep. As I reached out to turn the alarm off, Hollis’ hand beat me to it.He was still here?
“Morning,” he murmured. “How are you feeling?”
I pushed myself up and glanced at him. In horror, my eyes flashed to what was on his lap… my composition book. I swallowed hard and instantly felt embarrassed. I quickly looked away, struggling to find the words. My stomach dropped as I thought about all of the terrible things that I had written in that book. There was so much pain and anger from over the years scrawled across the pages. There were so many things I had written about him and so many things I had wanted to say to him.
He must have sensed my unease because he gently closed the notebook.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured.
“No, don’t be, it’s okay,” I said. As long as he was still talking to me that was a good thing.
