“There you go. You’re doing better. Can you try to take a deep breath?” he asked.
Deep breath.
No.
I opened my mouth and inhaled, and I was back in Sebastian’s and Eli’s hands. The wet cloth was over my face and mouth, and the cold fabric was being sucked into my mouth. I started to struggle.
“I can’t breathe,” I cried. I started to back out of his grip because the proximity reminded me of Sebastian and Eli.
Charles loosened his grip on me, but he didn’t let go, which I liked. I managed to turn a little and now my back was against Charles’ chest. His left arm was wrapped around my left side and his hand rested on my side and stomach.
“Patrick, you’re having a panic attack. Please try to stay still.”
“What’s wrong?” Chase asked from the hallway.
“Nothing, sweetie. Patrick had a bad dream. Come on, back to bed,” Kristin said and left the room to take Chase back to his room.
“Is your shirt bothering you? Is it too tight?” he asked as he tapped the back of my hand that was gripping the neckline. I nodded. “It’s damp too, so let’s get you out of it. Morgan, can you get one of his V-neck undershirts from his dresser?”
I focused on Hollis and thought about us at school having lunch together with his friends. I tried to take small breaths to reassure myself I was able to breathe. Morgan handed the gray V-neck shirt to Hollis, and he unfolded it before he handed it to Charles.
I immediately felt cold when Charles let go of me so I could change my shirt. I was outside of the warm cocoon of his hug and hated it. I quickly pulled off the crewneck shirt and pulled on the V-neck one before I stepped closer to Charles again.Please hug me again.I breathed a sigh of relief when he wrapped his arm around me again.
“There you go. All dry and safe, Patrick,” he said as he patted my back.
“His pillow is damp,” Morgan announced.
“He said he didn’t want to lie back down,” Hollis said. Seconds later I could feel Hollis’ hands on the small of my back. This was a slice of heaven.
“Why don’t we go downstairs for a bit? We can sit at the table until you’re ready to come back to bed,” Charles suggested.
I nodded. As Charles walked toward the bedroom door, I walked with him. I wanted to stay under his arm as long as possible.
“Hollis, bring the deck of cards you guys play with and grab that throw at the foot of his bed. Morgan, help your mom and let her know that Patrick needs some dry bedding.”
As I walked downstairs beside Charles, I squeezed Blueberry. I felt terrible for keeping all of them up. Hollis was right behind us, though. I took my usual seat at the table, and Charles wrapped the throw around my shoulders.
“Do you want something to drink, Patrick? Can I get you anything?” Hollis asked.
“Sit down, Hollis,” Charles said as he pulled out the chair beside me. “I’ll get him something to drink.”
I started to ramble while I stared at the kitchen table.
“I’m sorry for keeping you guys up. I was having a weird dream, and I couldn’t breathe.” I flashed back to being restrained in my nightmare. I could feel their hands clawing at me.
Charles set a glass of water on the table for me, and I snapped out of the memory of the nightmare. “I couldn’t move. And it seemed like I was trying to scream or yell, but nothing would come out.” I frowned and tried to think of exactly how to explain it. “My voice sounded muffled. I was definitely trying to move, but I couldn’t. I just didn’t want to go back to bed. I was afraid the nightmare would return. That happens sometimes,” I explained and looked at Charles and then Hollis.
“Patrick, it’s alright,” Charles said as he opened a box of vanilla wafer cookies. He pulled two cookies out and handed them to me. “Shuffle, Hollis. We’ll play some cards, Patrick. It’ll help take your mind off the dream. Is your stomach bothering you?”
I nodded.
“These bland cookies will help,” Charles said. He’d told me before that the vanilla wafer cookies would absorb acid in my stomach.
Apparently, I had a tear in my stomach. My stomach kept bothering me, though not nearly as much as it used to. It used to hurt every day. Now it hurt here and there and when I thought about Dad or Sebastian. Charles and Kristin were concerned and took me to their kids’ doctor. They did a few tests and they finally determined that I had a tear in my stomach. They had cited my stressful environment as the cause. Right now, it was still small and the doctors said they wanted to monitor it to see if I needed medicine for it or if we could manage it ourselves.
While we played cards, I nibbled on the cookies and sipped water. Hollis sat close to me but kept his cards angled so I couldn’t see them. Every now and then Charles would reach over and rub his hand on my upper back. It felt so nice. I felt like he really cared and that they wanted to help me.
My eyes started to get heavy, so I announced that I was ready to go back to bed. It had only been a dream, and I was okay. I was safe here. I felt brave enough to go back to bed, but as the three of us climbed the stairs, I felt less and less like sleeping. I told myself I didn’t have to sleep. I could sit on the beanbag and write or just sit there. The important thing was for Hollis and Charles to be able to go back to bed.
