‘Maude has been telling me filthy jokes.’
‘Um, I hope it’s OK that I’m here too?’ comes a clipped voice and Phoebe turns to spot Arabella and Camilla heading towards them, Arabella picking her way through the grass in satin ballet pumps but her mother in more substantial Birkenstocks. Their arms are linked together and Arabella carries a large straw basket over her shoulder. Camilla looks around warily. But she’s here.
‘Of course it is, Arabella. It’s great to see both of you.’
Phoebe meets Camilla’s eye and sees the wariness in her expression, but the glimmer of something else behind it too. A new-found determination, perhaps? Or just the wonder of being out of the house at last. She turns to take in everything around her.
Phoebe makes the introductions and Maude blesses everyone with the sign of the cross, which they all accept gamely. Then Sandra begins pulling items of clothing over her head. ‘I don’t know about you all, but I’m ready for a swim.’
As everyone starts to undress, Phoebe glances towards the gate, hoping to see Tara pushing her way through. But there’sno one else there, so she starts getting changed, trying not to feel disappointed.
‘I hope you don’t think I’m going to put trunks or one of them Speedos on,’ Ben says gruffly. ‘I’m going in like this.’ He gestures at his outfit: an Arsenal football kit.
‘That’s fine. Whatever makes you feel comfortable.’
The others are ready now and Phoebe catches Ben glancing across at Camilla, her pale, lined skin spilling out of a chic navy high-waisted bikini, and then at Arabella, his face turning a violent purple at the sight of her athletic, tanned physique in a black one-piece with a low, scooping back.
‘So, thank you all for being here,’ Phoebe says once they’re assembled on the riverbank, old swimmers and new standing side by side and barefoot. Kate is sitting this swim out but is stretched out happily on a blanket, tickling Rosie with a blade of grass. It feels good to have her new friend here, though, giving her the reassurance to continue. ‘I really appreciate you giving this idea of mine a go. I know it can’t have been easy to come.’
Ben shrugs. ‘I wasn’t going to. But then I realised I didn’t have anything better to do.’
She knows there’s more to it than that, though. That just getting out of bed, let alone out of the house and down here to a new place with new people, is something that for many people might seem small but for others is huge. She is about to say something, but it turns out she doesn’t have to because Camilla is nodding along.
‘I know that feeling. I thought I’d stay in bed forever after my Teddy died.’
They share a look of understanding and Phoebe catchesBen’s glance slipping to the scar on Camilla’s wrist when he thinks no one is looking.
‘I was the same after my first divorce,’ says Sandra, surprising Phoebe. She’s always so upbeat that it feels jarring to think of this other side of her, even though she knows better than anyone that everyone has that darker side in them somewhere.
Hester is nodding too. ‘I feel that way sometimes when I think about my exams.’
Camilla smiles appreciatively. ‘Thank you all, that really helps. When I got your email, Phoebe, I didn’t think I’d come either. But then I realised I’m fed up with staying trapped inside my house. My husband wouldn’t want that.’ She glances around her, taking in the willow trees, the bluebells and the riverboat. ‘I think he’d like it here,’ she adds with a smile. Already, she seems more relaxed, as if being surrounded by nature is topping up her reserves, giving her strength.
Sandra shares a few tips, telling them all to breathe deeply and slowly once they’re in the water.
‘And if you start to feel anxious, just let me know, OK?’ adds Phoebe. ‘And there’s a lifeguard on hand too.’
The lifeguard looks up and waves in their direction.
‘Right, shall we get in then?’
‘Abso-fucking-lutely!’ cries Maude, before striding for the diving board and bombing in, causing an enormous splash.
‘That’s the spirit, Maude!’ says Camilla, clapping her hands together, a sparkle appearing in her eyes.
Sandra and the others make their way in too and Phoebe follows, keeping the swear words inside this time as the cold water hits her.
‘I’m not sure about this, Mum,’ says Arabella, pausing on the bank.
‘Neither am I,’ says her mother. But she reaches out her hand. Phoebe watches as the women share a look, spotting the challenge in Camilla’s eye that surfaced the first time they met.
Arabella hesitates and then takes her mother’s hand. Together, the two women walk down into the river. A calm smile spreads immediately across Camilla’s face, but Arabella’s body is still tense, her shoulders up by her ears.
‘Let go, darling,’ Phoebe hears Camilla say softly. And Phoebe wonders whether the thing that persuaded Camilla to come here in the end wasn’t actually a sense of claustrophobia in her home or even thoughts of her husband. Maybe it was this: the way she watches her daughter as she shakes her head, her body frozen with tension.
‘I can’t,’ Arabella replies, her voice shaking. Phoebe thinks back to the first time she met Arabella, to her slick outfit and tight smile but the way she broke down as soon as Phoebe invited her to take off the mask for a moment.
‘You need to, darling. Go on, sweetheart.’
