I could feel my face warming. "I dunno, maybe?"
"So what does the 'maybe not' option look like?" she asked.
The problem was I didn't have an answer. Not once had I considered anything else except how I was now in their way. "Um, I dunno."
"I do." She gave me a smile, and got up, making her way to the cabinet with the cups. As she pulled down a glass for herself, she kept talking. "It looks like helping my boy prove that being a 'man' doesn't mean being a liar. It means standing up when everyone else thinks you're wrong, not good enough, or anything else. It means fighting so José can finally admit who he really is, and that isn't going to be easy. It will mean you get half the crap meant for him."
I nodded, seeing where she was going with this. "True, but Maria, I'm already out."
"José doesn't think so."
I lifted my cup, taking a long sip while she poured herself some tea and came back. When she was sitting again, I told her, "Your son thinks he can power through everything. It's part of his charm, but also part of his problems, and he has enough that he doesn't need me." She opened her mouth, but I lifted a hand, begging her to let me finish. "I also don't hate the idea of waiting for them. I don'tneedto be the center of attention. I'm happy as the sidekick, and it doesn't matter if that's turning their bulls or making them dinner, you know?"
"Ah..." She reached over to pat my hand in understanding. "So you found something that matters more than the competition?"
"Yeah," I said.
"But have they?"
I chuckled, a little impressed at how easily she accepted the three of us were a packaged deal. "I honestly don't know. It's one of those things I wanted to talk about this week while we're resting. You know, when they don't have reporters and bull riders and directors all setting them off, making them ready to fight all over again."
"You," she said, moving her hand to pinch my chin and shake it slightly, "are a good one, Tanner. José is right, though.You don't think you're as wonderful as you really are. You think they're the stars and you're the extra, but he brags all about you."
"Yeah?"
She pursed her lips and nodded, looking a bit proud about it. "Oh, he says you aren't intimidated by him at all. He says you're crazy - but in that way that makes it a good thing. You know how he is. And he always tells me about how you keep him safe, and how you protect Cody, and how you're the kind of man he wants to be."
"Me?" Ok, that surprised me. "But J.D.'s like... I mean everyone wants to be him."
"And he wants to be you. He said something after his surgery. He said everyone thinks she's the one who makes him stop being an asshole. They all think she's got him..." And she gestured like cracking a whip, adding the little noise with it. "But he says it's really you. Cody doesn't care if he's over the top. She'll simply push him back down, but you? You're strong in a way he's never seen, and he likes it more than always fighting."
"I think it might be a case of wanting what we aren't," I decided. "Like the whole grass being greener thing."
"But what about her?" Maria asked, all but ignoring my comment. "How do you feel about him and Cody?"
And a smile took over. The sort I had no control over. "I think she brings out something amazing in him. Cody is this sweet girl - beautiful, too. She's delicate and feminine, and stronger than anyone else I've ever met. It's like he's hard on the outside and soft in the middle, but she's soft on the outside and hard in the middle. I can't remember who said that, but it fits them so well. He calls her his rookie, right? And yeah. In so many ways, she's the perfect complement for him."
"And?" she pressed.
"And somehow I'm the lucky man who gets to be with them both?" I shrugged, not quite sure what she wanted.
"But what they do is dangerous," she said. "What you do is too, but different. You risk your body. They risk everything. Their pride, their money, and their bodies. Don't you think those two might need a good, strong, caring man around to open the bottles for their pills, tell the doctors what medication they can't have, and drive them around when they can't do it themselves?"
"That's what I've been doing."
"And will again," she said. "Bull riders get hurt. You're dating two of them, so that doubles the odds. Maybe think about not quitting before you have to? Think about fighting for them as hard as they're fighting for themselves?"
"I just don't want them to throw this away for me."
"Ah. But José will do that anyway. He'll just stop being careful if they already ran you off. He'll go from protecting you to getting revenge for you. That's the sort of man my boy grew up to be. He's not an easy man, Tanner. We didn't get that choice when he was growing up. José thought he had to step up, but he didn't have anyone around to show him how but those gangs."
"Yeah," I said. "He mentioned a bit about that."
"But he got out of it and into this," she told me. "He still fights, but he fights for good things now. And you? I think you are a very good thing. I think you make my boy very happy, but he's worried about you. He thinks he's too much trouble and you'll get sick of the trouble."
"Of being with him?"
She nodded. "And being bi in a world where men don't do that. Of sharing your girl with him - or him with her. Of making something accidental into something that might end up as real."
