"No, we're real."
"Not real until you can admit it," she countered.
Which was when I saw her point. "But what if I'm the reason he can't ride bulls anymore?"
"Then you two will keep being loud and make sure your girlfriend can. And if she can't, youthreewill keep being loud and do something else. But in almost thirty years, I have never seen my son like this."
"Like how?"
She made me wait while she took a drink. "Happy, Tanner. Completely happy. He doesn't even care that he hurts. He doesn'twantone of those pills that messes him up so bad. He wants you and her, and he wants to brag about it. He wants to stop hiding it." Then she gave me a soft smile. "José is ready to stop hiding, but he will never -ever- do anything to hurt you two. That means you need to push him a little on this. You need to let him know how far he can go."
"Ah." I chuckled. "And that's what this talk was about, huh?"
"Maybe."
"Maria, I'm in love with those two enough that I'm ready to give it all up. The PBR, I mean. That's why I'm not pushing, but I'll talk to them."
"And if they want to pick another fight?"
"Oh, I can fight," I assured her. "After all, I'm probably the only person crazier than J.D. in the entire PBR."
"What about Cody?"
"She'sascrazy as him. I'm more. A different kind of crazy, but mine's the sort that offers support. I really am ok with being the sidekick. I actually like it, but that means this isn'tmyfight. It's theirs, and I'm in for the long haul."
"Good," she told me, getting up again. "Now come help me cook some pancakes. Isabella gets home from school in a bit, and those two should be up by then. We have a family to feed, Tanner - and I think you've just become a part of it."
Chapter 33
After convincing mostof the other riders to keep striking, I slept in the next day. It felt fucking amazing, but by Monday night, that empty hotel room was starting to make my skin crawl. Renato had flown out. Cody and her boys were gone. That meant it was time for me to move on as well.
I debated heading back home for a few days, but it didn't make sense. It would take me days to drive to Alberta. Sure, I could've flown, but then coming back to get my truck just to drive down to Tennessee? Something about that made me feel tired, so I decided to simply treat myself to a nicer room this time.
But the miles between North Carolina and Nashville reminded me a little too much of Missouri. Missouri reminded me of Cody. Watching the trees pass by on the sides of the road felt like time rushing past and those wild weeks where I'd been sure I had it all figured out.
How fucking stupid I'd been.
Cody had been willing to risk everything to prove herself, and I'd thought I'd just swoop in and become her savior. I'd expected her to think it made me her hero, and the hero always got thegirl, so the whole thing had taken me by surprise when she'd pushed back.
She hadn't asked me to do it for her. She hadn't asked me to lead her through it all or make it easier. All she'd wanted was someone to stand beside her as she fought the world, and I'd been too worried about my own shit to fucking listen to her. And now, Tanner was facing the same thing. From the sounds of it, J.D. was going to make sure there was a big fucking target on his head soon too.
The strange thing was that Jake, of all people, thought I was the man Cody had shown me I wasn't. Jake was convinced the other riders would listen to me. He thought I could somehow rally them or something. He'd said the other guys looked up to me, so if that was the case, I had some big fucking shoes to fill.
J.D. was the man who had this shit figured out. I'd been convinced he was a crazy motherfucker, but he'd been right the whole time. Sure, he was willing to hurt a few people, but if that was what it took, then wouldn't I throw down to help the ones who deserved it? I hoped I would.
But I'd learned a few things since Cheyenne. First, most of these guys were just like me. They wanted to take, take, take - and the world made it easy for them. The only way to get them on board with this strike, and keep them there, was to show them whatthey'dget out of it.
That part was easy. Tanner, Jorge, and Isaac were good. Damned good. All the veteran riders had a story about those men saving their asses at least once. Bad wraps, bad bulls, and bad rides, it didn't matter. They weren't here to judge us, just to save us. And if we got them back, then everyone would have a better chance to earn some money.
Next, I needed to figure out what I could do to stand with J.D. and Tanner. They wanted to come out, and that meant there'd be backlash. If I was honestly a good friend, I'd find some wayto show my support. I'd make it clear I didn't see them any differently than I had before. No, fuck. It had to be more than that. I had to make it clear there wasn't a damned thing wrong with not being straight!
It didn't make them less of a man, or men. It didn't make them weak, pussies, or anything else. I wasn't fucking scared of them, and I damned sure wanted to count those two as my friends. In that short time we'd been working things out with Cody, J.D. had shown me a whole different side of him, and one I missed like hell now.
But then there was the third thing, and I'd been thinking about this one all weekend long. I was the man the other riders looked up to. I was a fucking winner, the best Canadian rider in the whole PBR. I had money, fame, and fans. That all translated to power, so shouldn't I use it?
How? What the fuck could I do with any of this that might make a difference? I was sure Jake would know, but Hannah had said that if I didn't like how getting dumped felt, then the first step was to fix myself. Well, my goal was to become the sort of man I could be proud of, so I had to figure this out. I needed to do it on my own - although I wasn't going to be dumb and ignore help when it was offered to me either.
Nope, I was doing my damnedest to change a bit, and the strange thing was, I liked this version of me. It felt good to give the new guys some pointers, offer a hand over the rail to someone I barely knew, and take pictures with the fans without touching them.
