His unexpected perceptiveness throws me off balance. I try to make an effort; no reason to make this guy uncomfortable with my drama.
"Sorry, it's not you. It's just..." My eyes instinctively scan the room, betraying me by searching for Caleb. He's talking to Tyler. As if sensing my gaze, he looks up, our eyes meeting briefly before we both look away. I nod in Caleb's direction. "That's my ex-boyfriend. Also a frat brother."
Bracing myself for the typical awkward reaction, the slight widening of eyes, the forced casualness, or worse, the uncomfortable silence that follows when some guys learn they're talking to someone gay.
Instead, Luca follows my gaze, and his expression softens with genuine sympathy. "Oh." He fiddles with the sleeve of his shirt. "That must be hard. I've only had one boyfriend, but when we broke up, I took a different route to classes for a month to avoid seeing him."
He looks back at me with earnest eyes. "I can't imagine living in the same house. I hope... I hope you're doing okay?"
The simple kindness in his question makes something in my chest loosen slightly.
"I'm working on it. Thanks."
Luca nods, a small, understanding smile appearing. "If it gets too overwhelming, we could talk about programming languages instead. That always helps me when I'm upset." He shrugs shyly. "Though Haru says I need to stop using coding as emotional avoidance."
I laugh. "Your friend might have a point, but I appreciate the offer."
The party builds toward midnight, and the house gets crowded as guys return from dinner or other parties. I move through the rooms like a ghost, making small talk when necessary, but mostly keeping to myself.
Ten minutes before midnight, I find a quiet corner to hide in, not ready to face the traditional countdown. The thought of everyone around me celebrating while I'm falling apart inside is too much.
"James."
I'd know that voice anywhere. Turning, I find Caleb standing a few feet away, uncertainty written across his face.
"Can we talk? Just for a minute," he asks.
A nod. My throat's too tight for words.
"I'm sorry," he says simply. "I know that's not enough, but I am. I shouldn't have believed what my father said without talking to you first."
The sincerity in his voice makes my chest ache. I want to be angry. It would be easier than this raw, vulnerable feeling spreading through me. "Why did you?"
"Because I was scared," he admits. "Scared that what we had was too good to be true. Scared that someone like you couldn't possibly want someone like me unless there was an angle."
His words catch me off guard. After days of replaying our last conversation in my head, trying to understand what went wrong, this wasn't what I expected. "Someone like me?" My voice is barely above a whisper in this noisy house full of people getting ready to count down to midnight.
"Smart. Driven. Secure in who you are." He shakes his head. "I've spent my whole life with people who manipulate and use others. I guess I'm still learning how to recognize the real thing."
Dammit.
I want to stay pissed at him, but he's got that same destroyed look I used to see in the mirror. After the Johnsons. After the Garcias. After every fucking family that decided I was too much trouble.Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.
"I accept your apology." My fingers are nervously adjusting my glasses. "But I think we should go back to being fratbrothers." The words taste bitter in my mouth, but they are safer than the alternative. Safety has always been my top priority.
Something flickers in his expression, disappointment, maybe grief, but he nods. His shoulders slump almost imperceptibly, a slight movement I might have missed if I hadn't been watching his every reaction. "Of course. It won't affect anything in the house," he promises, his voice steady but hollow.
We both know that's a lie.
"Friends?" he offers, extending his hand.
Taking his hand, I feel a real jolt at the contact. "Friends."
The word is empty, not enough for what we were starting to be, but it's all I can give him now.
Caleb's hand lingers in mine for a second too long before we both pull away. He opens his mouth like he wants to say something else, but Tyler's voice booms from downstairs.
"Everyone, get your asses down here! Countdown's starting!"
