How did we even get here? A few hours ago Sadie was lying beneath me and every piece of the puzzle was finally in place. And now I’m sitting here, listening to her tell me she doesn’t want the job, but that only makes me feel worse.
The last time I was with someone and asked her to stay, she left. Chose her dream over me without looking back. I won’t make that same mistake again.
Sadie’s staring at me with those wide, hopeful eyes, like I’m about to say something that’ll fix this. But all I can think is how much it’ll wreck me when she leaves too.
“You should go to Denver,” I say, voice flat, not trusting the emotion under it.
Her face crumples. “What?”
“You said it yourself—it’s your dream. It’s been your dream since college. A yoga retreat, working with an incredibleprogram. You’re not going to get another chance like this.”
After the party and the fallout with her parents, I told myself I’d do anything to make her dreams come true. I can’t believe that means her leaving, but she deserves this. She deserves everything.
“But you’re here. And Sophia’s here.” Her voice cracks, and my chest tightens, but I don’t let it show.
“Exactly.” I say it sharper than I mean to. “You’ve spent weeks putting your life on hold. For us. That was never the deal.”
Sadie flinches, like I slapped her.
“This was all short-term,” I continue, because now that I’ve started, I can’t stop. “You came here as a friend, to help. You’re not even sure if you have a job with the Bobcats next season. And you didn’t sign up to play house with me.”
Her breath catches. “Is that really how you see it?”
No. God, no. But if I say what I really feel, I’ll beg her to stay. And when she leaves anyway, just like Claire did, it’ll ruin me.
“I see someone whose dream is hers for the taking. And I’m not about to be the guy who holds you back.”
There’s silence between us, thick and awful. Then something in her expression hardens. Whatever hope was left in her eyes just drains out.
“Fine,” she says, quiet and cold. “If that’s what you think…I’ll go.”
She stands, and just like that—she’s gone.
My heart is breaking but I refuse to turn around and beg Niko to ask me to stay. He chose me once and I thought that was it. I was so fucking stupid to believe that I might have found my forever. It’s not in my cards and I should’ve trusted my gut from the beginning.
No one has ever chosen me. Not my parents. Not any of my exes. And apparently not Niko.
Well, this time, I’m choosing myself.
I’m running on autopilot and have no idea where I’m headed. I end up in my apartment and grab my bag that’s hanging on the entryway hook. I search for my car keys. Well, I guess it’s not going to be my car for much longer, but I push that thought aside and race out to the garage anyway once I find them.
If I stay in my apartment tonight, I’m going to be up all night thinking about Niko and hoping he shows up at my apartment door to change his mind. I don’t have it in me to be disappointed any more than I already am and I don’t think my heart could handle it.
And…oh my god.Sophia. How is she going to feel when she wakes up tomorrow and I’m gone?The tears I’ve been crying come harder now at the thought. The press of guilt and regret cracking my heart in two. I never wanted that beautiful little girl to get hurt.
Climbing into the driver’s seat, I open the garage and leave before I lose the courage.
The only other place I’ve ever felt like home was when I was with Ellie. I pull over on the side of the road and plug in her address on the navigation system. There’s not much traffic at this hour, so it’s only going to take twenty minutes to get there. I suck in a deep breath and will myself not to cry while I’m driving.
“You can do this, Sadie. You will not come apart at the seams while driving this car.”
I press play on my Spotify playlist and Harry Styles filters through the speakers, helping to keep my tears at bay.
Carefully, I pull back onto the road and start my journey to Ellie’s house. Twenty minutes until I can fall apart in my best friend’s arms.
I pull up to Ellie and Lincoln’s bungalow-style house, the antique lamp post illuminating in the dead of the night, and park my car next to Ellie’s. I’ve picked up Ellie from here a few times before she officially moved in a couple weeks ago, and I still can’t believe Lincoln was able to find this rental house in the city before the season started.
Slowly, I make my way up to their porch and lean onto the white handrail, trying to compose myself a bit before knocking.
