“Yeah.”
“What can I do for you?”
“Can you keep holding me like this please?” The look in her eyes is so sad. She looks defeated.
“If you think I’m going to let go of you anytime soon, you’re sorely mistaken.”
She laughs. It’s not her full laugh. It’s a bit breathless and half-hearted, but it’s something. It’s a step forward from where we were a few minutes ago.
I wrap an arm around her waist, pulling her between my legs. She lets me. Then I lean her gently back so that she is lying against my chest. She feels stiff. “You can let yourself sink into me. I don’t mind.”
“I know I’m supposed to accept help. I’ve been working with my counselor on that for the last month, but it’s also important for you to know that you don’t have to take care of me.” She sighs. “I think that’s why it hurt so badly to fail when I met with Chance. I was trying to accept your help and turn it into something, so you didn’t have to worry about me, but here I am, becoming a burden again.” Her shoulders shrug up as she draws away from me.
“Oh no you don’t, Wildflower. I’m not doing this because Ihaveto. Iwantto hold you and comfort you. I want to see you at your weakest and your strongest moments. I want to be with you every second of every day. You’ve made it impossible not to fall in love with you, and whether you like it or not, when I love someone, I will do anything for her. I will doanythingforyou.I want to protect you. I want you to allow yourself to be vulnerable with me, and I hope that you’ll allow me to be vulnerable with you too. Because let me tell you, I’m a mess.”
She giggles. This time it sounds more like that musical joy I’ve heard escape her in the past when she’s not trapped by her own thoughts, so I keep going. “I want to make you dinner and dessert whenever you feel like it. I want to play guitar for you just to see that look of wonder in your eyes. I want you to believe that you’re strong, worthy, and loved. You’re not a burden. You will never be a burden to me, or anyone else in the world, for that matter. You are OliviafreakingParker. You are incredible. You light up the world with your presence. You will bring the world to its knees because you are brave and determined and destined to be happy, however that looks for you.
“And I need you to know, I’m so in love with you. Today doesn’t make me think less of you. It makes me think more of you because every time you’re kicked down by your anxiety, you still manage to get back up. You still manage to put on a smile. You still manage to lift other people up, to love, to experience joy, to absolutely crush every single thing you do. You amaze me.”
“I don’t even know what to say.”
“How aboutIt’s about damn time someone told me how amazing I am.”
There’s that beautiful laugh again. I want to keep her laughing forever.
“Or how aboutThank you, Rhett. You’re right. I’m going to stay in Roots and put myself first for once.”
“You’re right. I need to get back up. I’m just so scared.”
“You don’t need to be afraid. I’m here with you, remember? We are going to figure this out together.”
“But today just proved no one wants me. I’m only good for doing taxes.”
“Today proved there are stupid people in the world, but it didn’t prove no one wants you. I know you’re afraid of hurting people but leaving isn’t going to keep us from getting hurt.”
She nods. “You’re right.”
“I know.” I plant a kiss on her cheek. “Can we move our date up? I don’t want to wait anymore.”
“Move it up?”
“Yes.”
“You’re sure you still want to go on a date with me after seeing all of this?”
“I’m sure. Just come on the date with me, Wildflower. Let yourself be happy for a moment. We will figure everything else out from there.”
She presses her lips together as she considers what to say. I try not to be hurt by the fact that her answer isn’t an immediate and enthusiastic yes. Sheisstill coming back from a panic attack, and I know my speech isn’t going to automatically cancel out all the demons in her head.
“Let’s do it,” she says with a timid smile. “But there’s something I have to do first.”
ChapterForty-Eight
Olivia
Even though it’searly in the morning, Mom swings the door wide open within seconds of my knock. I can’t help but wonder if Rhett told her I was coming. She pulls me into a hug, and I return it, squeezing her tight as if she might slip from my grasp if I don’t hold her close enough to me. I don’t know the last time I did that, maybe high school?
“I know you’re independent, and you have your stubborn streaks, but please don’t leave Roots, Ol. You belong here. I know you need a job, but we can figure that out. I just really think?—"
