“I love you, Mom,” I blurt out, unable to watch her continue with that sad and desperate look on her face. I gently pull away. “Can I come in?”
“Of course. You never have to ask.”
I march over to the couch and set myself down. Maverick trots behind me and plants himself at my feet, which I’m grateful for because my hands shake the slightest bit. I didn’t think I’d be so nervous to have this conversation, but I guess I’ve been putting it off for so many years for a reason. “Where’s Dad?”
“Out working on yet another project. You know your dad. He always has to keep himself busy.” Her laugh is soft. I can tell she’s nervous too, anxious to see what kind of bomb I’m going to drop on her now. I can’t blame her.
“Yes, that sounds like Dad.” Picking at my nail with laser focus, I say, “I talked with Rhett.”
I half expect her to tell me she already knows about my panic attack and the conversation I had with Rhett, but instead, she just sits silently on the edge of her seat, watching me.
Pressing my lips together, I desperately try to hold back the words that want to flow in an overwhelming swirl of regret. I hold back for a beat before the words win out. “I’m sorry, Mom! I’m sorry for pushing you away for all these years. I’m sorry for letting you back in and then pushing you away again now. I’m sorry for not listening to you when you said we could figure something out to keep me in Roots. And I’m really freaking sorry for the way I’ve affected you over the years. I know dealing with my anxiety has been tough on you and Dad. I never wanted to make you worry about me or make you…” I choke on a sob, trying to keep the tears from flowing freely. “I never wanted to make you give up your dreams because of me. I never wanted to get in the way of you living your life.”
With furrowed brows, Mom immediately reaches out to me, and I can’t help but tense up. She’s comforting me again while I’m trying to apologize to her for making her take care of me for so long. “No, Mom, I’m fine. You don’t need to comfort me.”
“Olivia Loraine Parker, I don’t know what on earth would make you think that you’ve been a burden to me or your father, but you need to get rid of those thoughts right now. I have loved being your mother, and I adore the young woman you’ve become. I’m so incredibly proud of you. Your anxiety has never been a burden to me, and youcertainlynever made me give up my dreams.”
“But you were fired when you came to comfort me during my panic attack freshman year. That was your dream job, and you had to miss out on a huge meeting. You got fired because ofme.” Saying it out loud makes my heart crack.
“That was not your fault. I should’ve made sure I left the materials needed for the presentation, and I could’ve tried to reschedule the meeting. I had a good relationship with one of the big investors. Your panic attack opened my eyes. That job seemed like what I wanted at the time, but the second I saw you still needed me, and that I still had a role to play in your life, I realized that job wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted the ability to still be there for you and spend time with my family. That job wouldn’t have allowed that. It was taking over my life, late nights and working weekends to meet deadlines. You may think you ruined my plans that day, but you didn’t. You saved me. Don’t apologize for that.I’msorry I never thanked you for what you did for me.” She nudges my chin so that I’m forced to look up at her instead of my rugged cuticles. “Thank you for helping me realize what matters in life.”
“Are you sure you’re not just saying all this to protect me? I can take it.”
“I’m positive. You’ve always been a ray of sunshine in my life. Yes, I worry about you with your panic attacks, but that just comes with the territory of being a mother and caring about someone.” She presses a big noisy kiss on my cheek. “I love you so much. Don’t you worry about me. I’m the parent.I’msupposed to worry aboutyou. You just focus on living your own life. It’s about time you finally start living it for yourself.” She pulls back. “If you don’t want to stay in Roots, that’s fine, but I think we need to get you out of this job. I can’t stop thinking about all the things you told me that day we went shopping. You should find something that doesn’t make you miserable. Don’t worry about your dad.”
“I agree.” I bite my lip, a little nervous to say the next part. “I think I want to find something in Roots, or at least near it. I really do love it here. I have you and Dad and Callie and Lauren… and Rhett.”
She smirks. “I knew from the moment I laid eyes on that man that you’d fall in love with him.”
“Mom!” I blush.
“What? It’s so exciting! My little girl is in love.” She sniffles. “Andshe wants to stay in Roots. I’m going to have my baby back. Minus having to share with Rhett, but lucky for you, I like that boy, so I guess I’ll be okay with it.”
We both laugh just as my dad barges in the back door, headphones in his ears as he blissfully whistles. He takes one look at the two of us, teary-eyed and clinging to one another, furrows his brow, pulls out an earbud, and asks, “What did I miss?”
Again, Mom and I laugh, tears still slithering down our cheeks. “I think I’m going to stay in Roots.” I volunteer. “Would you be okay if I don’t stay at my firm until I make senior? I don’t want to disappoint you.”
Dad immediately frowns. “How dare you ask such a silly question! I don’t care about your job title. I just want my girl to be happy. If you told me you wanted to stay in Roots and become a unicorn wrangler, I’d still be okay with it as long as you’re happy.”
Laughter slips out of me. “Well, I don’t want to be a unicorn wrangler, but I don’t want to do taxes anymore.”
“I’m so glad to hear you’re going to stay. This place is just so much brighter with you around. Plus, you’re a much more worthy opponent in pool than your mom.” Dad winks and pulls me in for a hug. “I mean it, Ol. I don’t care about you being an accountant. I just want to see a smile on your face.”
“She forgot to mention the part where she’s in love!” Mom singsongs.
“I didn’t say I’m in love.” I rush to press my hands to my cheeks, desperate to hide the flush of color. My dad has always been so protective when it comes to boys.
Instead of teasing me or making a remark about how he’s past due to clean his gun, he just walks over to me and wraps me in a bear hug. “He’s a good man. Don’t worry, I already gave him the talk, so you’re good to go.”
“Dad!”I laugh more out of shock than anything. “I don’t know why I thought I would want to stay here. You two are always in my business.” I tease.
“And you love us for it.” Mom stands from the couch and pulls my dad and me into a hug, sandwiching me in the middle of it all. Maverick tries his best to weasel his way into the mix too, barking in excitement.
“Can’t. Breathe.”
“Just let it happen, honey. Your mom has been waiting to do this for years.”
That truth bomb hits me hard, so I do as my dad says, letting the two of them smother me in love. It’s nice. It feels good to allow people to care for me.
