“For you to talk to them about your life, to accept their love and their help. You don’t have to be on your own, but you’re choosing to be. I don’t get it.”
“I don’t know. It sounds like a good idea when you put it that way, but I haven’t been happy in a while, and everything I’ve done in my life up to this point has been to satisfy them. I’d hate for them to see that their love led me to such a dark place.”
I meet her gaze, hoping I can get through to her. “You wouldn’t be ungrateful if you told your parents you want to change directions in life. You’re young. You’re not supposed to know what you want to do with your life now, let alone two years ago when you graduated college. You still have so much life experience to gain. That lost feeling you have right now, that feeling of hopelessness, it’ll change. You just need to give yourself some time and some grace. Your parents will help you figure things out if you let them. They won’t be mad that you’re unhappy. They’ll probably be upset that you’ve kept it from them, but they would never be upset with you for feeling that way.”
“I don’t know. It feels too late to change my mind. This was my dad’s dream for me, and I spent all this time and money on degrees and licenses…”
“None of that should matter. It’s in the past. You just need to look at how you’re going to move forward.”
“That seems a little ironic coming from the man who just told me some bad past experiences make you unworthy of love. Look at you now. People in Roots love you. One bad experience shouldn’t overshadow all the good you have now.”
Instinctively, my guard goes up. “It wasn’t just one bad experience. It was my parents and then—it wasn’t just one bad experience.”
“You’re a good guy, Rhett. You’reworthyof love. You can’t?—”
“We’re about to reach the surprise. Let me help you down from Maggie so you can take it in.”
I want to sink into the comfort of her words, but I know better. I’ve had this conversation before. I let myself be convinced things were a fluke, but it was all taken away from me. I’m not making that mistake again.
As I help Olivia slide off of Maggie, my hand meets the bare skin of her waist. It makes it impossible to think straight. If this small touch causes such a big impact, I wonder what it would feel like to be able to touch other parts of her, to caress her face and kiss her lips, to—snap out of it.
We reach the end of the trail, and everything opens up. “Look!” I point toward the horizon. The landscape is flat, so you can see not only Copper Hill, but Roots Road, the glistening river that winds through town, and even my property. At this time of year, everything is green and vibrant, but we can also see patches of red and yellow that mark the beautiful wildflowers that grow around here. It’s my favorite view in the entire world, but today, as I watch Olivia’s eyes sparkle with amusement, the sun shining on her face and illuminating the tiny freckles on her cheekbones, all I can focus on is her.
“It’s incredible up here. You can see everything.” She bites her lower lip as if she’s trying to tame her reaction to all of this.God, she’s beautiful.And stubborn but brave and devoted. And infuriating but magnetic. Except none of that matters because I can’t have her.
ChapterFourteen
Olivia
Bringing homea one-year-old German Shepherd a little over two weeks ago has already been providing its challenges. For starters, Maverick still needs stuff to call his own. Carol graciously sent us home with a few days’ worth of kibble along with a kennel and a bed for him, but I’d still like to get him toys and some bowls to eat and drink out of that are actually meant for a dog instead of the mismatched Tupperware from Rhett’s kitchen.
However, that minor inconvenience pales in comparison to the excitement of finally having a dog in my life. I woke up early to the sun shining and the birds chirping and got to take him for a walk before the heat settled in for the day. Between the exercise and having a dog in my presence, I felt so content. When we got back, I fed him and then he laid with his head in my lap for a solid half an hour while I worked on a couple of posts for @Dog_Central_.
I settle back down on the couch with my laptop in hand, while Maverick watches me lazily. The tan patches of fur above his eyes look like eyebrows, and right now I’m convinced he’s raising them at me.
“What are you looking at?” I giggle. “I have a whole list of to-dos today that don’t just involve taking you on walks. First, I need to check the schedule Callie sent over to me this morning. Then, I want to create a rough draft of a marketing plan for Carol. I think she could boost her funding for the rescue if she plays her cards right. After that, I need to figure out what to do with the rest of my day while my parents are working. That’s where you come in again.” I give him a wink.
He just sets his head down on the floor and huffs a deep sigh, as if the fact that I have other plans for the day is a deep inconvenience to him.
“At least I didn’t leave you here while I went to work, like Rhett.”
He doesn’t look amused.
I pull open my email, and instead of a schedule from Callie sitting at the top, I have a message from my coach.Why would she send something to my personal email?
Olivia,
I hope you’re doing well and getting some time to rest up on your time off. We will be ready for you in the full swing of fall busy season by the time you come back.
I wanted to check in with you regarding promotions. I know it was your goal to make senior and that you were concerned your leave of absence might affect this. I spoke with the tax managing partner at the firm, and he seems to still be open to promoting you in October with the rest of your start class if we can build a strong portfolio for all the things you’ve contributed to the firm. These portfolios will need to be submitted by the middle of August, which will only give us two weeks after you return to pull something together. If you have anything you’d like to submit now to stay ahead of the game, please let me know. You’re a superstar!
Best,
Madeline
Lowering my laptop screen, I take in a deep breath. I hate that this email is getting to me as much as it is, but I can’t stop the large pit from forming in my stomach. This should be a good thing. Iwantto get promoted, but I’m not ready to think about going back to work just yet. I’m just getting started here in Roots, and I kind of like the life I’ve been building. I have my first therapy appointment tomorrow, and after the immense amount of research I’ve done on her, I’m hopeful this counselor will teach me some tools for how to manage my anxiety. I have Maverick now, who has been such a joy to have in my life. I’m starting to actually like Rhett, and I’m excited about helping out at the rescueandworking with Callie at Cup of Sunshine.
A tiny part of me wants to see where all of this could go, but then it hits me how close I am to my goals. I need to refocus on what I came here for. I’m supposed to help settle my parents, work on my anxiety, and then I need to get back to my job. That’s always been the plan. That’s what’s always been expected of me, but maybe things could change. I can’t shake this nagging feeling in my gut.
