Chase’s gaze drifted as he reached back to a memory he’d held on to for a long time—one that still pained him to think about even in that moment.
“You remember when Ma was at her worst? You remember when she had the conversation with us at the hospital, about how I needed to make something of myself?”
“I’ll never forget it.”
“She was talking about how hard it was for her to see you all suffering. That the hardest thing was watching everyone she loved hurt so much because of her. Watching you all in so much pain, falling apart around her. She said all she ever wanted was for everyone to be together and for nothing to tear you apart. And years later, when you were talking about leaving the dairy, when you suggested coming to California to be with me, I wanted to say yes so bad, and I realized how incredibly selfish that was. Because I knew you wouldn’t be happy there… off the dairy, away from Pa and Emery. This was where you belonged, but you were so determined, and I wanted you all to myself because I was scared of doing it on my own. I wouldn’t have been making something of myself. I would have been doing what I always did, relied on you. And just as bad, Ma would have been devastated knowing that I’d been the one to keep you away from your family… and miserable. So I pushed my own greedy desire aside and did what was right.”
“I agree that you needed to prove that you could do it, and you did. Itwasright, Chase.”
“It’s still right, Mason. When Emery flipped out tonight, I realized I’d done the very thing I’d stopped myself from doing in college. I hurt this family all over again. And it was because I was putting my own selfish desire for you above anything else. Emery told me the last time she saw you that devastated before we broke up was when Ma passed. Do you have any idea how much it hurt knowing that I did that to you? And not just you, but for Pa and Emery to have to see that and know I was the one doing that to this family? To think I could hurt you all again if we couldn’t find a way to make this work… Do you have any idea how that rips me apart inside? I don’t want to be the reason this family suffers anymore. And the longer we try, the harder it’s going to be if we pull apart… and the more everyone will suffer, just like back then. I can’t do that to you, or Pa… or Emery. I owe that much to you. And to Ma.”
Mason’s face scrunched up. “You’re so stupid, Chase.”
His response caught Chase off-guard.
“When she was talking about family, she was includingyouin that.”
“No, she wasn’t. She was talking to you.”
“Chase, she always considered you a part of this family. When we were going through all that bullshit, she always told me how glad she was that you were there and that it felt like she had two sons instead of one. She never saw you as anything else… let alone a burden to the rest of us.”
Mason couldn’t know how much that meant to hear. To know that Ma had said that she considered him to be a son.
He couldn’t fight back the tears that poured from his eyes.
“You talk about yourself like you’re some kind of poison to us, but you supported us for so long, and you were there for us during the hardest part of our lives. You didn’t wreck us. You made us better. And you can come back into this family and make it stronger than it’s ever been before. And I know that’s what Ma would have wanted.”
“Did she really say that?” Chase asked. “That she thought of me like a son?”
“All the time.”
The tears raced down Chase’s face, and he wiped at them with the back of his hands. Mason approached him.
“I always assumed you knew, and I know when she said that, she meant that she wanted you to be happy and with us. She saw you as family. We all do, Chase. We just need you to come home. And I don’t mean you have to leave your life, but we need your heart back here. Because the only thing messing anything up is you working so fucking hard not to fuck everything up… and pushing away the only thing that matters in this world. Love me the way I love you. That’s all we need. Please…pleasegive us a chance. And if we do end up heading down that road and I need to sign some paper, I will. But no matter what happens, I’ll be here waiting for you when you stop being an idiot and come back to me. I love you, Chase. Don’t do this. Ma wouldn’t have asked you to do that. Not now. We’re a family, not some dish you can drop and shatter. You’re not going to fuck up my life or this family. You’re going to make it whole again.”
His words offered Chase so much ease. Just hearing even that Ma considered him family meant so much to him and made him realize how horribly wrong he’d been about what she’d meant when she’d expressed her concerns.
Maybe Mason was right. He wanted to believe it, but it was going to take a leap of faith—and living with the fear that they might not be able to find a way to make it work.
But what if they could? And what if they could really be a family again?
Mason pressed his forehead against Chase’s. “I’m the one who knows you best. I’m the one who loves you most. No one can ever be for you what I can, and no one can ever give me what I need the way you can. We can do anything together.”
Chase shook his head. “We couldn’t save her.”
“No, we couldn’t. But we can saveus. And we can fight like she fought… and that’s the best we can do.”
It really was all they could do, and he did love Mason as much as ever. Life could be cruel and twisted and savage, but at the end of the day, at least he was secure in knowing that what he and Mason shared transcended their past. That they were and had always been utterly in love with one another. Who else did he know who could say that? It wasn’t going to be easy, but when had his life been easy?
“So stop being a fucking dumbass,” Mason continued.
Chase chuckled. “Why are you like this?”
“Like what?”
“So amazing. Here I am, asking for a fucking divorce, and you’re still as charming as ever.”
“I’m only fighting to keep the man I fell in love with… the man I’ve always loved.”
