“Never once has fortune-telling given me hope. You know what has?”
“The fact that people actually do win the lottery? Because sometimes it seems a little too unbelievable,” I say, stirring my milkshake with the straw.
“Especially when the jackpot gets really high,” Hazel agrees. “Like, no way there are people winning that thing. Well, there are, but yeah, that’s not what I was going to say.” She grabs my arm. “It was you who gave me hope. I owe you for that.”
“You really don’t.”
Hazel looks uncertain. “Maybe fortune-telling isn’t all nonsense. And fine, maybe the future really is a mystery,” she says with a teasing eye roll. “I wanted someone to tell me everything would be okay. That my future would be okay. ThatI’dbe okay. If I knew what was to come, I thought I might be able to control it or fix it.”
“If there’s anything we’ve learned from trying to flip my fortune, it’s that not much can be controlled.”
We watch as Richie attempts to do spins over the ball pit, making everyone laugh.
“Fiona from the gas station said we have the power to change our lives,” Hazel says, going quiet for a moment. “And our fortunes.”
“So maybe it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy then,” I say.
“Right. We can hear what someone predicts our future to be, but ultimately, it comes down to how we interpret the reading,” she says.
“Completely.”
“We were given insights into the current state of our lives. But we also got to think about different paths forward because of it. We had the power to make choices. To make change,” she says, thinking for a moment. “And let’s say I did know what those fortune readings really meant. I wouldn’t have been able to stop my brother from lying. Or prevent my dad from letting the house fall apart and go into pre-foreclosure.” She shakes her head. “Maybe we shouldn’t know everything. Though I would like to know that Wendy and her birds are okay.”
“You’d think she’d have seen Toffee coming, you know what I mean?” I joke.
A smile stretches across Hazel’s face. “I didn’t want to say it, but…”
“Next year,” I say, “we’ll go find her again. Make sure she and Doc and Marty are all right. Though I still feel like one day they’ll come back to haunt us.”
“Or protect us,” she says, running her thumb over her bracelet’s bird charm. A crowd has formed outside the barricades, trying to figure out what’s going on as the lead actor of the show dangles from the crane and heads straight for a stuffed coffee cup.
“I’d much rather make a life than be a passive recipient of one, even if it means being unlucky.”
“Even if that means you break your winning crane machine streak?” Hazel asks.
“Especially if that’s what it means,” I confirm. “I’m not going to say it’s because losing makes the wins sweeter, but…”
Hazel laughs, playfully rolling her eyes. “You literally just said it. What are you going to say next? That acknowledging the negative feelings makes the positive feelings better, too?”
“I wouldn’t dare be so cliché.” I grab her hand and bring it to my lap. “Maybe I do need to say it, though, because you’re the first person who has ever made me feel that for real. You’re the first person who’s wanted to know my thoughts, the good and the bad. I don’t have to put on a constantly happy face with you. I can be myself. All of me.”
“Your optimism, your energy… they’re some of my favorite things about you,” she says. “But your sad, angry, negative thoughts and feelings? I love those just as much. It shows me that you trust me. And that means everything.”
I push the whipped cream down into the melting chocolate ice cream. “We’re living proof that you can change your luck and your future. I’m still not flying for a good six months, though.”
“I’d make it a year,” Hazel says. “You know, there were times I did actually feel a little lucky. Meeting you. Knowing you. Loving you. You showed me what it feels like to trust. You’ve shown me a happiness that can last.”
“I’ll show you for as long as you let me,” I promise.
Her eyes sparkle. “I believe you.”
I would live in this moment with Hazel forever if I could, with our milkshakes, and pizza, and fries. With our friends, and the music of the city, and the accomplished feeling of having one show under our belts.
There are still hard times ahead, because of course there are. But when I’m up against my next challenge, I can face it with honesty and truth. I can face it with everything I am, and not just parts of me. I no longer have to hide.
After everything we’ve been through, I know Hazel and I can weather tough things on our own. What feels like a minor miracle is that we don’t have to. We have each other.
And I intend on loving Hazel through it all, even when it’s uncomfortable.
