Elijah’s eyes softened as he swallowed. “I could never hate you,” he said in a quiet voice before turning back to the buggy.
As he started to walk toward the gate to the little park, he glanced over his shoulder at me.
“We’re calling to see Matty and Carla, Bella is going to play with Jacob if you want to walk with us part of the way.”
I nodded and walked over to him, edging him out of the way so I could be the one to push the buggy.
“So, you telling Mum and Dad?” Elijah asked.
“No.” My response was short and sharp. No way were they to find out, it would only lead to a load of arguments and problems.
“Do you not think they have a right to know?”
“The point is, Eli,” I said, carefully manoeuvring the buggy over a cracked paving stone, “I have no rights, which is fine. I don’t deserve any, don’t want any and we both know they’d go ape and insist on meeting Frankie, and that’s not what Maisie wants. Not what I want.”
We stopped at the edge of the pavement and turned to each other.
“You have no desire whatsoever, to be in his life?” Elijah was evidently stunned as his eyes grew big and stared at me. “Seriously?”
I didn’t answer immediately as we crossed the road, double checking no cars were coming, but when we reached the other side I pulled to a stop.
“I admit, it felt weird seeing him at the pool, spending time with him. Yeah, there was part of me that enjoyed it, I felt proud that he was good and probably got that from me, but being a dad, a family man, that’s you Eli, it’s not me. The kid is happy, or seems it, and me suddenly announcing who I was, could only mess with his head. Even if I wanted to, it wouldn’t be fair on Frankie.”
Elijah looked down at Bella and ran a hand over her sleeping head, before bringing his gaze back to mine.
“I don’t get it, Sam. I really don’t understand how you can feel like that, but it’s your decision so I’ll respect that.”
“Not just mine,” I added. “It’s Maisie’s too.”
Elijah nodded and took the buggy from me as we were at the junction where we needed to go in different directions.
“You told me once not to live a life of regret because, and I think your words were, it’s a dark shit hole of a place, which means you know what regret feels like. If this is it,” he said, placing a hand on my shoulder. “If this is your regret, then do something about it. Talk to Maisie and see if you can get to know your son.”
I shook my head and opened my mouth, but Elijah wouldn’t let me speak.
“No, just hear me out. If you want to have a relationship with him, speak to Maisie. Whatever you decided before he was born may not be what’s best for any of you now. Things change, people change, so don’t think you’ve got to keep to those choices. I know what it’s like to live half a life, to think you’re living the one you want when it’s far from it and you’re right it is a shit hole of a place. I hate that I hurt Mia, but I honestly thought I loved her, it just took Amy coming back for me to realise it wasn’t enough. Don’t make that mistake, Sam. Don’t leave it until someone gets hurt before you admit the truth to yourself.”
My brother pulled me in for a hug and then with a squeeze of my shoulder strode off in the direction of his brother-in-law’s house, leaving me wishing I’d kept my secret to myself, because if nothing else, my damn brother spoke sense from time to time.
Samuel
the past
I approached the table where Maisie was sitting in the coffee shop and could see straight away that she was totally fucking stressed about something.
She was chewing on a thumbnail and her eyes were firmly fixed on her mobile on the table – probably waiting for me to text her that I wasn’t coming. Despite the frown lines on her forehead though, I had to admit she looked beautiful. Her long blonde hair was cascading over her shoulders, curtaining her perky tits in a tight green V-neck jumper, evoking all sorts of thoughts. Memories of our night together flooded back and a small voice in the depths of my brain told me I should ask her for another chance – take her out and stop using Elijah as an excuse for being a cowardly shit.
When I’d almost reached the table, she looked up, her pretty brown eyes spotting me. Instantly she stiffened and I saw her draw in a breath before giving me a wary smile.
“Hey,” Maisie said, pulling out a chair for me. “Thanks for coming.”
When her gaze darted around the room, as I took a seat, dread filled my stomach. This was about what I had dismissed so easily, because like a knob head, I’d thought we’d be safe and it couldn’t possibly happen to me.
“Fuck,” I muttered, rubbing a hand down my face.
Maisie’s head whipped around and startled eyes stared at me.
“What?” she asked around rapid breaths.
