I looked at her for a long moment, trying to search for something in her face that told me I was wrong, that this meeting was all about her wanting us to try and be a couple. Unfortunately, no matter how carefully my eyes scrutinised her, I could see nothing but fear, anxiety, and stress. It could have meant anything, but it was the sparkle in her wary eyes and the pinkness of her cheeks that proved to me I was right – I’d seen the signs before.
“You’re pregnant, aren’t you?” I groaned.
Maisie’s mouth dropped open as she nodded slowly.
“Fuck.” A cold sweat ran over me as I watched Maisie’s face crumple and tears spring to her eyes.
“I have no idea how it happened,” she whispered.
I reached across the table for her hand, not sure whether it was to comfort her or myself, I just knew I needed to do it. This couldn’t be happening to me. I was always so damn careful. It didn’t matter if the girl was on contraception, I never ever went without a condom.
“It’s fine,” I said and then closed my eyes as I shook my head. “Obviously it’s not fucking fine, I mean it’s not your fault. We were both there. Fuck.”
My head dropped to the table and Maisie moved her hand from mine, laying her tiny cool palm on top of my huge one.
“I just don’t know how it happened,” she said close to my ear. “I’m on the pill and we used a condom. It’s impossible.”
My head lifted slowly and I looked up at her.
“My sperm is obviously as good a swimmer as I am,” I deadpanned, not really finding anything funny about the situation. Seemingly, neither did Maisie because her face was impassive. “You’ve not forgotten to take it?”
Maisie shook her head. “No, the only thing I can think of is I had some antibiotics for a chest infection a few weeks ago, but otherwise…” She shrugged and made a little whimpering sound.
“But we used a condom,” I stressed again, still unable to fathom what had happened.
“Have you had them a while? Is there an expiry date on condoms?”
I had no idea, but Maisie had made a good point, I’d left the packet of condoms in my old room when I left home to share with Amy and Elijah and I wasn’t sure how long I’d had them before that because I just didn’t take girls back to Mum and Dad’s house.
“Whatever the reason, it happened,” I replied, sitting up straight. “So, what next?”
I held my breath, not sure what I wanted to hear coming from Maisie’s mouth, because I couldn’t deny that a very small bit of that same excitement I’d felt when Ali had told me she was pregnant was there, but as images and memories of the day when Ali gave birth pushed to the forefront of my brain, dread quickly washed it away.
“It is -.”
“Yes,” Maisie snapped, pushing back in her seat. “I told you, I hadn’t been with anyone for ages.”
I let out a breath and rubbed a hand down my face. “Yeah, I know, I’m sorry. I’m just trying to get my head around it.”
“Yes, well that makes two of us,” she hissed. “And don’t think I want anything from you, I don’t. I just thought you should know.”
I nodded and while a silence fell over us, I once again let my mind wander back into that black day that hardened me against beautiful, sweet women like Maisie.
I knew she wasn’t like Alison, but who would blame me for wondering and wanting to be sure. I’d been prepared to face anything for that woman, to give up my dreams of swimming for my country and get myself a decent job to support her and our baby. I’d even been prepared to cut my family out of my life if they wouldn’t accept her, but all those sacrifices were immaterial because she’d lied to me and made me believe in a fucking fairy tale.
“I’m not getting rid of it.” Maisie’s voice was small and timid, evidently she was scared that I was going to argue with her, but I would never force her to do anything.
“I don’t expect you to, if it’s not what you want,” I replied, leaning forward to emphasise my point. “I’m not cruel Maisie, it’s-.”
“It’s just that this isn’t what you want.”
Taking a second before answering, I took in a deep breath and then let it out slowly.
“No, it isn’t, but I’ll support you and the baby financially. I’m not sure I can offer you much else.”
“Okay.” She swallowed and looked up at the ceiling.
“I’m sorry.”
