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TESS: Read your texts. Listen to your 100 messages. Read the note inside your house. Or any of your fucking emails or DMs. Or maybe turn your phone on sometime in the last twelve fucking plus hours. Or bother to tell anyone where you were or even that you were disappearing for the fucking day. Perhaps check in with any of the people you work with, your family, or the person you’re supposed to be sharing your life with. Enjoy the firepit. Please let your sister know you’ve been found.

I won’t manage his guilt or be confronted if he doesn’t have any.

TESS: He’s home in front of the fire pit. Tell Jerrod to go to bed.

MIKEY: WTF? He’s not at the hospital?

TESS: He’ll call you. YOU ARE NOT in the middle. Tell him to fuck off.

MIKEY: I’m at a romantic dinner with your hero. Alex won’t ruin it. You ok?

TESS: Yes. Kisses to my knight in shining Under Armor. Night BFF.

MIKEY: Night, Distraction. Love you. I’ll be by in the morning. Ari flies early.

Four more Alex texts. I turn my phone off. The nurse arrives with juice, a sleeping pill, and Hydrocodone. Usually, I don’t want drugs, but there’s a lot of pain.

* * *

When I wake up, the muted colors are streaming through my window, making pink shadows on the floor. On my nightstand is a vase full of purple Flairs and a stack of my favorite ‘LOVE’ notebooks from Paper on Pine. My knee is killing me, but peering over the blankets, I see Alex asleep in a chair. Tears fall. All the shit I’d held back being tough, I can let go because he’s here. The nurse walks in and gets me a tissue.

She whispers to me, “He got here just past eleven last night. I hope it’s ok he’s here. He wouldn’t leave. He ordered the floor, an ice cream bar, and Pink’s hot dogs. Then he sat at the nurse’s station for like an hour or so until we’d let him in. We had to get a supervisor to sign off on it. Eventually, we got confirmation he’s your emergency contact from your insurance carrier, but there was no contact on your intake. It took forever, but he wouldn’t budge. He felt terrible missing the calls and texts. He showed us everything. And Mike and Ari are furious with him. As is some woman named Vanessa.” Damn, Nessa got a girl’s back.

“Thank you. I don’t want him to feel terrible.” But I do. Rationally I want to forgive and understand. Emotionally I want to smack the shit out of him.

“He told us these were better than flowers.” I glance at the pens, tied with a purple grosgrain ribbon.

“They are.”

She hands me some water. “They’ll be along shortly for your MRI. Should I wake him?”

“Yes, please.” I’m not going to be alone for one more second. She walks over and places a hand on his arm. He sits up with a start. His hair’s sticking up in all different directions, he has a sleep crease from the chair. It’s his eyes that thaw my heart, red and swollen from worry. There’s a slight tick in his smile as if he’s not sure how to proceed. I should be so angry, but right now, I’m so relieved.

“Tess. Tess. Tess. I’m so—”

I cut him off quickly. He takes my hand. “Just hold me.” The nurse leaves as I ugly cry. Alex doesn’t move or flinch. He’s smoothing my hair and whispering in my ear.

“I’m here. I’m so sorry. It’s going to be ok. I’m sorry. You’re ok.”

* * *

Unsurprisingly, we learn it’s a borderline grade two to three tear. The doctor wants to get the swelling down before he does surgery. I’m in good shape, so I should heal quickly. I try to set up PT and surgery today. I grab a referral for a doctor in Philly. The doctor leaves, annoyed I’m not just resting but demanding things. I need things on the books, not rest. A plan, a hard date when things will happen. I love a timeline.

“Fuck. Get him back. I’ve got to get this going. I can’t be off the court or tour for six months again. I’ll rehab the shit out of this.” He crosses his arms in front of him. “What?”

“Tess, you take a beat.”

There’s no time. I process out loud. “Do you know what I’m missing? I’ve got to cancel at least my next month and push back release. Next, how the hell am I getting home? New York’s out. Joan’s is four fucking floors. There’s her Catskills house, I guess. But how do I get there? If Philly, I’ll have to hire some large, muscled man to carry me up and down my three-floor townhouse. I can Instacart groceries, but who puts the stuff away or cooks? Microwave stuff and delivery. Do I have surgery in Philly or New York? Am I able to get around an airport?”

I jerk my head to him as his voice grows louder. “Damn, woman, you’re so full of details. Focus.” He’s across the room, his hands tucked in his front pockets. “Stop spiraling, Tess.”

And I’m pissed. All my anxiety from yesterday giving way to anger.

“Where the hell were you?”

He takes my hand and inhales.

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