Page 16

11

Niall was sitting in the vast main hall of the castle. He was at the head of the long table. Two long candles were lit, and the flames flickered. The chair was just as uncomfortable as he remembered. There wasn’t much that he missed about living in the wild, but sometimes the mossy grass was better to sit on than this infernal thing. Tapestries and paintings hung all around him, reminding him of the past and the family to which he belonged, although he had never felt more separated from them as he did in this moment. He closed his eyes and remembered the feasts he had attended as a child, which had always been uproarious and joyous occasions. Then his mind turned to his mother’s funeral, where the mood had been somber and heavy. Everyone had worn this mask when they looked at him. They kept saying that everything was going to be well and that one day Niall was going to make her proud, but he wasn’t sure he ever had. It all seemed like lies anyway. It was never going to get better, at least not for him.

It was for his father, of course. In time, too short a time by Niall’s reckoning, the laird had remarried. Once again, the hall was filled with a joyous celebration. Niall had been sitting there, watching his father pledge his heart to another woman, and he remembered wondering how his father could have done such a thing. After his mother had died, Niall had heard his father say that he would never love another soul again, yet here he was, breaking a promise. The woman had never liked Niall either. She had always been cold with him, as though he was just a pest she needed to get rid of.

Then, in another moment, the chamber had been filled with celebration again when Fraser was born. The lavish ceremony had been thrown in part, Niall thought, to show that he was not the only child any longer. He hadn’t wanted to attend at all, but his father had made him. Niall had suffered a clip around the ear for his troubles. It felt unfair that the only person who truly understood him, his mother, had been taken from the world.

Now the chamber was back to being filled with a heavy silence. He had brought much sorrow to this place, as though it followed him around like a storm cloud. He curled his hand around his goblet of wine and drank the dark, blood-red liquid. Regret was on his mind after his outburst to Tovie. She had done nothing to deserve his ire other than ask a question and say things that struck a sensitive chord in his heart. The truth was that she had been right. He had not been able to care for his clan in the manner they deserved. Too many people had died because of him because he had taken it upon himself to suffer. He had pushed them beyond their limits when he should have accepted defeat far sooner. People had died who had not needed to die.

He closed his eyes again, thinking of her smile, the harrowing beauty that tormented him.

His thoughts were interrupted as the door opened. He assumed it would be the serving staff bringing him his dinner when instead it was the slender, beautiful figure of his wife entering the chamber. His gaze fell upon her and never left as she moved through the chamber, reaching a seat beside him and joining him at the dinner table. He arched an eyebrow with surprise, wondering what she was doing there. She had every right to hate him, especially after his spiteful comments.

“Wine?” he offered, reaching for the bottle. She inclined her head, and he poured her some food. “What are ye daeing here?”

She took a sip before she answered. “I’m gaeing tae hae dinner with my husband,” she said. There was an edge to her voice that she did not make any effort to mask.

“Tovie, if ye are trying tae prove anything—”

“I’m nae trying tae prove a thing. The fact is I am hungry, and this is where dinner is being served. I’m sure ye will be able tae tolerate me for the duration of the meal,” she said.

Niall wasn’t sure how to reply to that. His gaze flicked up as the servants brought in the meal. Two deep bowls of stew were placed in front of them, and then a tray of carved meat and buttered vegetables was set down. His mouth watered. There had been so many nights when he had dreamed of a thing like this while he had been nourishing himself on nuts and berries. Tovie didn’t know how fortunate she was to enjoy such easy luxury.

“Now, about this celebration,” Tovie began, speaking in between mouthfuls of food. “I hae been through the supplies with my maid, and I believe we will be able tae put on a lavish feast for everyone, although I dae think that we will need tae increase hunting afterwards tae ensure we dinnae allow our food reserves tae dwindle.”

“That seems fair tae me.”

“Was there anything else ye wanted tae include aside from a feast?” she asked.

Niall thought about the matter for a moment. Although her words were clipped and focused solely on the business of the feast, he thought it was a start to repairing their relationship. He had never intended to be difficult with her, it was just that there were moments when he found it difficult to cope with the past.

“There should be dancing,” he said. “I think that would help people get tae know each other. And lots of wine and ale. There should be games as well. I always liked it when there were games.”

“I did as well,” she said.

Niall regarded her with a cool look. He brought his goblet to his mouth and gazed at her above it, wondering what thoughts were drifting through her mind and her heart. There was so much about this woman that made no sense, and he longed to uncover the mystery. It almost reminded him of when he had first met… But no, he could not allow his mind to go to those dark places. Tension strained through his body, and he had to force himself to relax.

“Why didnae ye tell me about what yer life was like before ye came here? What is yer home like?” he asked, hoping that by talking about the past, she might be more inclined to have some affinity for him.

Tovie finished what she was eating before she spoke. “It was like any childhood, I suppose. I was surrounded by people who loved me. I always wanted more, though.” A roguish smile appeared on her face. “I was always looking tae the forest and the outside world, wanting tae explore it. Mother and Father always told me the stories, the same stories they told ye, I imagine, but instead of scaring me, they made me want tae see it. I used tae grow envious of all the merchants and scouts that left our village, always wondering when the day would come where I could join them. That day never came, though. As I grew older, I learned my place in the world, and it was tae be a wife.” She arched her eyebrows as she said this. “I wanted tae learn as much as I could. I wanted tae learn how tae survive, and a part of me always wanted tae leave. I suppose that was too much tae hope, though. I could nae expect the rules tae change for me.”

“And then ye ended up here,” Niall said.

“Aye.” She frowned and looked away.

Niall felt his heart tremble, for he knew what it was like to be somewhere he did not belong, to be surrounded by people who did not much care for him. He would have loved to free her from her bonds, but breaking the traditions would mean he would lose everything.

“Dae ye miss yer home?” he asked.

“I miss my parents. I miss the way I used tae hope that the future would be better. I miss dreaming the days away,” she said.

“I’m sorry,” he said, hanging his head. His words were soft, but even so, they seemed to fill the room. It didn’t seem as though anything he said could make up for what he had done to this poor lass. She was just another casualty in this tragedy that was his life, except, unlike Fraser, she had to live through this suffering.

“If ye were truly sorry, ye would hae found another way through this. Ye would hae found a way tae work with Fraser.”

“That was impossible,” Niall said.

“Oh aye?” Tovie gave a questioning look.