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“Sae ye hae changed yer mind about the celebration?” Shara said after she had been summoned to Tovie’s chambers with a list of all the rations and supplies the clan had in stock. Tovie was sitting on her bed and raised her eyebrows, nodding, although she had almost reconsidered in the wake of the onslaught of emotion that Niall had given to her.

“Aye, well, ye should see the state of them, Shara. They hae been through sae much, and I think I was wrong before. I should nae hae been worried about what they were gaeing tae take from us, only what we could give them.”

“That is very generous of ye,” Shara said, and set down the scribblings she had made. She began to list everything that was in the pantry, but Tovie’s mind was elsewhere.

“Ye should hae seen the way he spoke about them,” she said, staring into space. “It was as though it was his mission tae keep them safe. I’m nae sure I hae ever heard a man speak more passionately about something.”

“It’s good that he’s growing on ye, my lady. Ye are married, after all.”

Tovie cringed as Shara said this. A lump formed in her throat. “It’s funny ye should say that. He told me that while this place is his home, he can never call me his wife.”

Shara gasped and looked shocked. “Why would he ever say a thing like that? I cannae believe he would be sae rude. Any man would be lucky tae have ye as his wife.”

“I suppose he doesnae think that I can understand his hardship,” Tovie said, although it was clear that Niall didn’t know her half as well as he thought he did. He spoke of suffering as though he and his clan had a monopoly over it, as though nobody else could ever dare to know sorrow. He thought her life had been free of suffering when he had no idea what it was like to be married to his brother. Yes, she may not have known what it was like to be shunned from every settlement and village, or what it was like to sleep under the stars without knowing if she was going to have enough food to fill her belly, but she knew what it was like to cower in bed afraid, she knew what it was like to feel powerless against a man who toyed with her as if she was his prey, and she knew what it was like to be ignored and humiliated.

She was familiar with all of them, and she wasn’t going to let anyone tell her otherwise. It had actually been quite ironic to hear him apologize for killing Fraser when what she wanted to do was thank him for freeing her, although her liberty had been short-lived.

“Or he is in love with another,” she added, thinking about something he had said. There was a moment when his emotion had become even rawer than she had imagined, and it could only have been caused by something deep and profound. The identity of this woman and her fate were still mysteries to Tovie, though.

“I cannae imagine he would be able tae love anyone upon seeing ye,” Shara said.

Tovie offered her a wistful smile in thanks of her flattery, although sometimes wished she was not always so effusive with her praise.

“I hae nae heard there’s a woman with him,” she added. “But as hard as it is, I would nae be sae hard on him if I were ye. I hae spoken tae many people, and I dinnae think he’s a villain. Those who remember him speak highly of him, and I hae spoken with some of his clan and they are all in his debt for leading them. As far as I can tell, they never had much in the way of homes, but Niall gave them one,” Shara said.

“Aye, and now he haes brought them here, and I’m sure they will be good additions tae the village. Once they get their strength back, I imagine they will be willing tae work hard and help this clan tae prosper, but what is Niall gaeing tae dae with all of us? Is he gaeing tae be like his brother and focus on war? They haed been fighting for sae long and saw enemies from every side. I cannae imagine that he will be willing tae rest.” Tovie sighed. “Tae much of my life haes been focused on anger and war. There could be sae much more happening here if we just tried a different path.”

“Then ye hae tae make him see a different path, my lady. Ye are his wife, after all, even if he says he is nae gaeing tae see ye as such. Ye may nae be the laird, but ye are still the laird’s wife, and that means ye can still hae influence over the clan.”

Tovie nodded as if to agree with Shara’s words, but she wasn’t sure how far she would go to agree with them. She and Niall were at odds with each other. It wasn’t as though she wanted to be his wife anyway. In fact, his threat of not seeing her as his wife should have been a boon to her. It wasn’t as though she wanted him to be her husband. However, there was some wisdom in Shara’s words. If Tovie were ever going to have influence over her clan (and despite everything, she still saw the clan as hers), she would need to get close to Niall and earn his trust. It was risky, but for the good of her clan, it was something she needed to do.

The parallel between herself and Niall did not escape. He had brought his clan back here and killed his own brother to ensure they would be granted safe refuge. Now she had to make a sacrifice to make sure that Niall did not do anything reckless and that he did not fall into the same bad habits as his brother had.

After their conversation, Shara continued speaking about the supplies and how they could organize a feast for everyone to enjoy, but Tovie’s mind could not settle on the matter at all. Her thoughts kept drifting back to Niall. In one moment, she pictured him shouting at her, unleashing all of his anger upon her, and then in the next, she saw him as he had been in the sparring ring, clad in a warrior’s gear, bare-chested, capturing his attention. She tried to bury her feelings deep down, but even then, she knew they would not disappear entirely.

There were many questions about Niall’s past that she would have loved to have answers for, although she knew there was little to no chance of him telling her himself. However, there were people who knew him intimately, people who might be willing to share the information with her after all she had done for them.

* * *

Night was settling in, and Tovie found Laira sitting beside the fire with her son in her lap. He was sleeping.

“How is the wee one?” Tovie asked.

Laira had been lost in thought, staring into the flames, so Tovie’s words startled her. She jumped a little at first, as though she was ready to look for a weapon, but smiled when she saw it was just Tovie. She shuffled along the small log she was using as a seat, making room for Tovie.

“He’s daeing much better, thank ye. I managed tae feed him properly this afternoon. I’m just keeping him by the fire, making sure he’s warm. Thank ye sae much for bringing us the medicine. I worried I was gaeing tae…” She trailed away, finding herself unable to finish the thought.

“Ye are welcome. I could nae cope with ye suffering out here like this. I hae tae admit I’m surprised that Niall didnae think tae give ye medicine before.”

“I’m sure it was just a mistake. We hae been without a healer for a while now, and we are hardy people. I think he thought that once we arrived here, all our troubles would be over. It’s rarely that simple, though,” she said.

“Aye,” Tovie agreed, intrigued by this healer. She remembered how Niall had reacted when she had mentioned the healer. There was something intense about it, and it struck her that there might be something she should know. “This healer, who were they?”

“Her name was Cat, and she was a wise woman. She always knew the cure tae anything. People called her a witch, cursed her, and whenever they saw her, they told us tae leave. They thought just the mere fact we were harboring her was enough tae give us bad luck.”

“Why would they think such a thing?”

“Because she was born of the forest. At least that’s what she said. She was alone when we found her. Her tribe had been killed by a beast. Niall asked her tae come with us. She proved herself useful, and although she was a wee bit odd, I never would hae said she was cursed, at least nae more than any of us are,” Laira added with a small laugh.

“And did she and Niall…” Tovie said, implying her question with a look of intent.

“They were close,” Laira said. “It almost destroyed him when she died. I think that was the moment when he realized that we were never gaeing tae be safe out there. There was always gaeing tae be some kind of danger waiting and lurking out there for us. But he hasnae liked talking about her since then. He prefers tae pretend that she doesnae exist. I suppose it makes it easier on him, but I think it’s wrong. We should never forget those who died,” she said, and her eyes went wide as though a thought had just struck her. “I’m sorry for what happened tae yer husband. I know ye must hate us for what happened tae him. I know it probably doesnae mean much, but as a woman who haes lost a husband tae another, I am sorry. This life is tae cruel sometimes. I wish things could be easier,” she said.

Tovie found herself agreeing with her, although still, she did not let slip the true nature of her and Fraser’s relationship or the relief she had felt when she learned that Fraser had died. However, learning that Niall had suffered a profound loss did make her understand him a little better. It had been love and grief that drove him back here, and she supposed that after losing everything, killing his brother hadn’t been too much of a step to take to ensure that his clan was safe. She still couldn’t shake the fact that he had the same blood as Fraser running through his veins, but she knew she was going to need to get close to him if she was going to make a difference here. He was clearly still wounded over all that had happened, and wounded men liked to protect themselves. The clan deserved more than that. It was finally free of Fraser’s obsession with war, and she wasn’t about to allow it to continue. It was going to be difficult, but she had to try and influence Niall somehow.