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“Actually, I changed my mind. My most favorite thing is the way you just whispered my name.”

I crack open my eyes and grin at him. I really like that he can’t quite decide what his favorite thing about me is. Truthfully, I don’t think I could narrow it down to one thing I like best about him either.

“What is that grin for, gorgeous?”

The blush rushes to my cheeks, and I avoid his gaze, embarrassed and more than a little scared to admit what I was just thinking out loud. “Nothing. It’s stupid.”

“Sure doesn’t look like nothing. Come on, baby. You can tell me anything,” he says, dragging his thumb over my cheek.

“Um…it’s just that…I can’t remember the last time I was this happy. Maybe before my dad died.”

“Addy,” he whispers in the same tone that I just said his name, and I laugh.

“Oh, you’re right. That is a very good sound,” I tease, and his answering smile is soft and sweet.

“You make me happy, too.”

He seems like he wants to say more, and I cock my head to the side, studying him. “What is it?”

“Do you really mean that? Because if that’s true, I don’t understand what’s still holding you back.”

Oh, God, I’m so not ready for this talk. How do I tell him that I’m terrified of how much I love him now and how much more I could grow to love him? How can I break his heart with my bleak future?

“There is something and I want to tell you, I’m just not ready but I promise that I’m working on it.”

“Addy,” he whispers, tilting my face up so he can look into my eyes, and I feel too open, like he can see the secrets I’ve been keeping spelled out in my gaze. “What is going on with you? Why can’t you just talk to me?”

His voice touches a part of me that desperately wants to have someone be my rock through this – the little girl who is watching her mom disappear every day that would like nothing more than to have someone wrap their arms around her and hold her through this storm.

“I’m so scared,” I say, my voice cracking. He pulls me into his lap, and I straddle his legs as he wraps his arms around me and crushes me to his body like he’s trying to absorb my fear.

“Baby, there is nothing in this world that you could tell me that would change anything. Do you hear me? Nothing will change us and what we have.”

I pull back to look into his amber eyes, feeling every ounce of love that he’s never spoken out loud, and take a deep breath. “I’m working on it, Trey. I promise you that as soon as I’m able to, I will tell you.”

He studies me for a long minute before nodding and pulling me in for an intense kiss that feels cosmic in its enormity. I love you. I’m saying the words with my kiss, and he gives them back to me. I can feel them in every kiss, every nip, and the way he holds me like I’m the most precious thing in his life, and even if he kisses me until the end of time, it’ll never be enough.

This is what I’ve been searching for my entire life. The kind of love that is so strong it will weather any storm, allow us to face any challenge with a calm resolve because we know that our love is stronger.

Now, I just hope that I can hold on to it.

* * * *

I suck in a nervous breath and climb out of my car, closing the door behind me and leaning against it as I look up at the ominous building. I wish I could just pass by this place and see it the way I did before Mom was admitted here. Honestly, I never gave a second thought to the then mundane-looking building until the moment she told me to leave her here. And now, I can’t pass by the place without my heart pounding and tears stinging my eyes. Most days, I would give anything to go back to the Addy I was before Mom got sick, and even now, no matter what happens with her condition, I’m forever changed. Marred by this place and my pain.

Since Trey and I made up a couple days ago, I’ve been thinking about telling him everything and really pushing myself to go through with it. But each time I’m here, I see the loved ones leaving with pain in their eyes, and I know from my own time here that going through this someday may not be worth it to Trey. I can’t stop myself from craving a life with him – a family. I want it so badly that it’s embedded in me, with no hope for removal but that doesn’t mean that I will ever get to see that dream come to fruition. Some people just don’t get a happy ending. And despite the fact that he says all the right words, he may feel very differently when faced with the reality of the situation.

Sighing, I push off my car and slip my keys into my bag before starting toward the automatic doors. Each step I take is magnified by my anxiety. It’s the same thing every time I come here – questions and uncertainty plague me as I make the trek across the parking lot, and I wonder which version of my mom I’m going to get today.

When the doors slide open and I step through, the nurse at the desk looks up and smiles at me. “Good morning, Miss Burke.”

“Hi, Mari. How’s your day going so far?” I ask, sounding much more cheery than I feel, and I’m amazed by my ability to slip behind this mask so quickly. I suppose that’s what happens when you do it so often. The only person that’s really seen me is Trey.

“Pretty great.” She beams at me, and I notice the huge bouquet of lilies behind the desk.

“Those are pretty,” I say, pointing to them. “Special occasion?”

Mari nods. “My birthday.”