Page 106

‘Start destroying everything. It’s… I don’t even know what to call it. There’s been times throughout history when souls have remained… attached to their bodies, but there’s been none like you. There are some of us that can walk realms. Hardy and I can retrieve people and objects and take up corporeal form for short bursts of time, but you, Miller – we don’t know yet, not for sure – but we think you might have the capacity to create portals. Open pockets in the universe that have been closed for a very long time. The Black and North Stars both caught sight of your soul at the exact moment of your death, and it’s been war ever since. Except of course, you can never make things easy. Not only have you not detached from your dead body, you’ve reanimated it and kept it from rotting. As long as you stayed in your body, no one could take your soul.’

At some point during his explanation, I’ve taken up his previous pastime of anxious pacing.

‘So, I am actually dead?’

‘Literally or figuratively?’

I pause long enough to pin him with a glare.

‘Yes.’

‘Oh.’

I never did anything. There’ll be nothing left of me. I’m dead and there’s nothing left.

‘Miller, please, I⁠—’

‘I need space.’ I brace my hands between us. And Walker takes a restrained step back. His fingers are tapping incessantly and my heart twinges. ‘Just give me some space.’

He swallows. Nods once. I leave him in the glade.

When I get back to the house, Lavender is twisting her vines, and Delilah has just lit up a spliff.

‘I can’t believe you bitches didn’t tell me I was dead.’

Lav’s worried eyes beseech me and take in my intangible body.

‘We wanted to! Stars, you have no idea how many times I wanted to, Mil.’

‘Policies and procedures,’ Delilah quotes with distaste.

‘That, and you probably would have ripped a black hole through the world.’

‘That too.’ Delilah nods.

I sigh out my frustrations. I’m too sad to hold on to my anger. I go and sit by Lavender’s trunk.

‘How are you?’

How am I? What a question. What I wouldn’t give for someone else to just tell me. I can’t discern anything right now. I’m overwhelmed by the information that not only am I dead, everyone has been lying to me about being dead, and I will soon be transported from this world and into the afterlife.

Perhaps most upsetting is, ‘I never did anything.’

Lav studies me with concern. ‘Yes, you did.’

‘No, I didn’t.’ Even in death, that stray lock of hair springs loose when I shake my head no. Is death good for nothing? ‘I did nothing for myself, and more unforgivable, I did nothing for anyone else.’

‘Yes, you did! Of course you did, Miller. Just look at what you did for me.’ She braces a hand over her trunk.

‘What? Supported your alcoholism?’

‘You also spearheaded the intervention!’

‘Aren’t you currently drinking a spiked hot chocolate?’

‘What about the showcase?’ she pivots.

‘What did I do with the showcase?’ I ask.