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Delilah scoffs. ‘Don’t be obtuse.’

‘I am obtuse,’ I shoot back.

‘Well, I can see you’re in a mood. This is slightly less than ideal circumstances, but it doesn’t matter. Here.’ Delilah hands me an envelope. I open the envelope and marvel at the way I can see through my fingers as they grasp it. Through my translucent fingers, I see my mouldies. All dressed up to the nines. They look so proud of themselves. So happy with what they’d pulled off. I feel tears pool in the corners of my eyes. More people to let go of.

‘That was still just one night out of my entire life.’ I hand the envelope back.

‘Yep, one night. And look at what you did for them. Look at how proud they are of themselves. Look at their faces. You did that.’

‘They did it, I just helped,’ I rebuff.

‘Exactly! You helped. You always help. That’s what you do. You encourage, you build people up, you notice people’s strengths and you cheer them on. That is a very valuable person. You are a valuable person, and I’m sad to say the world is far worse off without you.’

She brushes my hair back. I wish I could just haunt and be a ghost here forever with her. But apparently that’s not an option.

‘It’s gonna really suck finding your replacement,’ Delilah says from beside us.

‘I was a terrible library assistant.’

‘I know. It’ll be impossible to get someone as bad as you. Who am I going to find that’s dumb enough to confuse manga with hentai?’

Not my finest moment. I scarred that poor child.

‘I don’t want to leave you – I only just met you. Delilah’s only just stopped hating me. And I… What’s one month in a lifetime? What’s thirty years in an eternity? I hardly got a look in!’ My defeatist attitude makes a statement with my arms thrown up.

‘It’s not quantity, it’s quality.’ Lavender touches my shoulder, sighs, and adds, ‘But I do wish we had more time.’

‘Will you miss me?’ I ask, looking up into her big hollow eyes.

‘Are you trying to make me cry?’ She huffs a laugh, but a bit of sap pools in the corners of her eyes. ‘Of course I’ll miss you.’And then her head tilts and her eyes widen. ‘Miller, you know I love you, don’t you?’

‘What? Stop it.’ I feel like my skin’s going to crawl off.

‘Don’t be like that.’ She huffs.

‘Like what?’

‘You know what!’ she cries. ‘You’re so fucking scared of being hurt again, you won’t let yourself believe for a second that there are people who really care about you!’

‘No, I am not!’

I certainly am.

‘Yes you are!’ she argues haughtily. ‘And it’s mean! It’s mean to us, for you to belittle how I feel or how D feels or-or even the chickens, or… or Walker! We all care about you. We can’t be all wrong to feel this way. You are worth loving, and you are loved.’

I try to swallow back my tears but they just go ahead and fall anyhow.

Lavender’s strong branches pull me into her and hold me close. My tears get lost in the mass of flowers and leaves.

‘It’s not fair,’ I hiccup. Oh no, a sob is coming on.

Lavender pulls back far enough, our eyes meet. But it’s not her who consoles me.

‘It’s not meant to be.’ Delilah’s hand on my forearm steadies me. I don’t know why this is the thing that tips me over the edge and allows me to all-out cry. Us hellions create a three-way hug, and for a while all we do is hold each other.

Finally, once I’ve mastered myself, I can speak again.

‘Can I… I’d like to see him… before. Before we go. Gonna be a long journey if we don’t talk things out before we head to the North Star.’