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“I’m okay,” I whisper back. “Just have a lot in my head right now.”
“I have a lot going on inside my head too.”
“Good things?”
“Definetely.”
“Good night,” Mars says when we get to our rooms.
“See ya in the morning,” I say, stepping inside our room and closing the door behind us. I immediately leap onto my bed, allowing myself to faceplant against the pillows. I let out a long sigh, feeling my body unclench.
The bed moves as Kassian sits down beside me, right by my hip. His hand touches my back and I shiver despite myself. He runs his hand up and down my spine. I feel like a cat, wanting to arch up into his touch and start purring.
I turn my head so I’m facing him. He’s looking across the room, out towards the window.
“What’s going on inside that beautiful brain of yours?”
Kassian seems to startle. His hand freezes on my back, but only for a moment before he’s going back to rubbing me. My stomach warms and my chest aches with affection. It threatens to choke me.
“You think I’m beautiful?”
“Well, duh. You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever met. I’ve thought that since we were kids.”
A gorgeous blush rises up on Kassian’s cheeks. He nibbles on his bottom lip, looking unsure.
“Nix,” he breathes out, my name suddenly sounding so different from him. Usually, it feels safe, it feels affirming, it feels like me. This time, it feels reverent. It feels worshipped.
“Kassian?”
“You mean so much to me. I wish I were brave like you. Maybe then things would have changed a long time ago.”
My heart picks up speed. “You’re brave.”
“Not like you,” Kassian says softly. “You forge your own way. You’re never afraid to be yourself or say what you mean. It’s really, really beautiful, Nix.”
“That’s not true,” I say, my voice suddenly sad. “Not always. Sometimes I keep things in my chest so tight that I’m afraid it’ll never come out.”
“I know.” Kassian leans down, resting his forehead against my shoulder. My heart is racing so violently I swear I can hear it in my own ears. What is happening right now? “I know, and that’s okay because I’m willing to be the brave one right now.”
“Kassian?”
“Nix, I have to tell you something. I should have told you years ago. I should have told you a month ago. I had so many opportunities but I was so scared because I couldn’t see the whole picture but I get it now.”
I carefully push Kassian away so that I can get off my stomach. I sit cross-legged on the bed across from Kassian. He rests his hands on my knees, staring at me softly. My head is spinning in circles.
Could it finally be happening? I can’t help but hope so fucking desperately that Kassian is about to tell me that he has feelings for me. Why is it happening now? I have no idea but I don’t care. I want it. I want him. I want everything he’s willing to give me.
Inside my head there’s a mantra of please, please, please.
“Tell me,” I whisper.
Kassian opens his mouth to speak, to possibly say the words I’ve been so desperate to hear for years. Just before anything comes out, there’s a knock at the door.
Chapter Ten
Dean
Sitting up in bed, I stare at the wall, trying to process everything I just saw. I saw myself enjoying a cup of coffee on my porch outside. I saw myself talking to Hazel though I’m not sure what we were talking about. I saw a retirement party at work. I saw myself buying a plane ticket.
