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“You walked into the locker room, heard us, and the most logical thing for you to do instead of turning your ass around was to hide and creep on us?”
“I already told you I came in here to change!”
“You came in here to spy.”
“I wasn’t spying!”
“You were lurking. When Norman Bates does it, it’s iconic. Could he have done better than that ugly-ass dress he’d pulled out of his mother’s closet? Sure. But it was a step in the right direction. A man before the times. When you do it, Dee, it’s just creepy.”
Alvin turned away, grabbing his towel from the bench. I watched him wrap it around his shoulders.
His voice was quieter when he spoke again. “I’m not waiting for some perfect person to suddenly appear, Darius. That shit doesn’t just happen. I’m not a complete idiot.”
I almost smiled. “Debatable.”
He glanced at me. “I’m waiting until I want it for the right reason.”
“And Omar wasn’t the right reason?”
“He was a good reason. Just not the right one.”
I knew before he turned back what he was going to say. I still wasn’t prepared to hear it.
“You are,” Alvin admitted.
I shook my head. “Alvin, I can’t… I don’t…”
He lifted a hand to cut me off. “I need to say this, Dee. And more importantly, I need you to hear it…” He took a deep breath. “I want you to be my first.”
I stared at him, unable to find a single usable word, my brain conjuring up every reason to refuse him. The camp. The rumors. My family. My ma. My scholarship. My swim career. How wanting him had already turned me into someone I barely recognized in the mirror. How I liked that person better than the one I was supposed to be most days…
“You don’t know what you’re asking,” I managed to get out.
“Yes, I do.”
“You’re upset.”
“I am.”
“About your date,” I clarified, and Alvin shook his head. “You’re confused,” I tried again.
“I’m a gay man in love with his supposedly-straight best friend, Dee. That’s probably the least confusing thing about me.” Alvin stepped closer. “But you’re right. I am upset at you. And myself. And I’m terrified you’re gonna agree to something tonight, then look at me tomorrow and pretend none of it ever happened.”
“I won’t.”
“You always do.”
“I know.”
His eyes searched my face. “Then don’t this time. It really is that easy,” he told me.
I couldn’t move. He reached for my hand. I didn’t pull away.
“Please,” Alvin whispered, and I found myself nodding.
CHAPTER 23
Darius dropped to his knees. And…
