Page 56 of Yearning Difficulties

‘She was talking such crap, Zee.’

Ma grunted in agreement and I gaped at them in shock. ‘What?’

‘She’s an idiot,’ Ma said. ‘She obviously knows nothing about you. You’re our whiz-kid. You’re a genius. You don’t need an intervention – you’ll tell us if you get overwhelmed. God, I can’t believe her. It’s the twenty-first century and schools are still sneering at teenagers for dating.’

I wanted to cry. ‘You’re not mad at me?’

‘No!’ they both exclaimed.

‘I’m mad at her,’ Ma added. ‘For wasting our time and making me cancel a full head of highlights. But mostly I’m mad at her for ever making you think you can’t do all of the things you want to do. This is your last year of childhood! You’re entitled to do everything and anything you want before taking the plunge. Okay?’

I stared into their open faces. Both of them looked affronted on my behalf. But also completely assured that I was okay. That I wasn’t floundering. And that if I started to fall, I’d tell them.

‘Thank you,’ I said quietly.

‘Right,’ Dad said, after giving me a quick embrace. ‘Gotta get back to the office. I’ve left Regine with Arthur and Jasper, and she’s probably got them dressing up for her by now.’

I realized I was lucky. My parents weren’t like the others in Lake Pristine. They were special. And they knew what it meant to fight against other people’s low expectations.

I was very lucky.

I watched them go. And then, as I turned to head for the library, I caught the tail end of a curt-sounding conversation in the hallway. I spotted two people in the doorway of one of the classrooms, having a heated discussion.

‘ . . . don’t let this horsing around antagonize him any further. His family donate a lot of money to this school. They donate to all kinds of places. Which means, they get into a lot of rooms. And you don’t want to burn any important bridges right now.’

Dr Bergery. Somehow I knew she wasn’t talking to Chris.

‘I’m not interested in crossing any Valvert bridges,’ came Killian’s sardonic voice. ‘Let them burn.’

Dr Bergery sighed bitterly. ‘You’re not you lately.’

‘I am, you’re just paying more attention.’

‘Oh, stop.’

‘I kind of miss obscurity, if I’m honest. Can you go back to worrying about who Chris is dating?’

‘I want you to know I spoke to Zella Blass.’

I couldn’t see Killian’s face from my lurking position behind one of the hall columns. But I could hear the rage in his silence before he said, ‘You what?’

‘She’s a pretty girl. Popular with the staff.’

‘Though entirely beneath your notice until recently.’

‘And she was Dave Valvert’s girlfriend. His mother cornered me at bridge. He’s not over her, Killian. He’s quite distraught, she says. She put that poor boy through the ringer. I (a) don’t want that to happen to you, and (b) don’t want you to be some pawn in a jealousy scheme.’

I closed my eyes. Her opinion of me was so far away from what I wanted. I’d messed all of this up, read everything wrong, as usual. I also dreaded to think what Dave was telling his friends and family about me. It was so unfair. I hadn’t told tales on him, though I easily could have.

‘She is nothing to do with Dave Valvert or your little bridge buddies,’ Killian finally said, something wounded entering his voice. ‘She’s my business. If you let any of this drama stop her from getting on your seminar, you’re as ignorant as all the other people in this stupid town who can’t mind their business. If you let gossip stop her from getting what she deserves . . .’

I backed out of the hall and away from the scene before either of them realized I was there.

Dr Bergery had been about to pin her list of names to the common room board. I’d seen the paper in her hands and so this was it. It was nearly over.

And it was awful. I was causing a rift in his family. The scheme, the lie, it had gone way too far. I was ruining things for him.

The list would go up and I would know either way. It could be over. The feast was in the evening and Killian would be able to end things with public finality. The gossip would spread and we would both have freedom.