Page 55 of Yearning Difficulties

Friday arrived and so did our meeting with Dr Casey. When we entered her office, she was perched on the edge of her desk, talking to another student. The three of us mimed that we would wait outside but she shook her head, so we sat. And it wasn’t until I was shrugging off my coat that I realized the other student was Cherry Petrucci.

‘We can finish this later, Cherise,’ Dr Casey said.

‘Nope,’ Cherry replied. ‘And if you think my dad will show up to one of your little parent-teacher conferences, you’re delusional. So let’s get it all out now. I don’t mind an audience.’

I stared at her profile, wondering why she sounded so sharp and jagged. This wasn’t the fun, mischievous Cherry I had started to get to know.

‘Cherise, it’s not appropriate—’

‘Cherry. And it’s fine. This is a small fucking town. Word gets around. Don’t mind people hearing from the source. You were saying? My essay made you suspect that I’m about to put my head in an oven?’

My parents stopped breathing and Dr Casey’s eyes widened in horror. ‘That is absolutely not what I was saying.’

I realized far too late that we’d walked in on something really serious.

‘Cool,’ Cherry sniffed. ‘Explain your point again. Like I’m five.’

Dr Casey sighed. ‘Your draft essay on Frankenstein for your personal study was . . . concerning.’

Cherry gave a humourless laugh. ‘I thought it was pretty academically watertight, if I’m honest. Everyone’s a critic.’

‘The English faculty have been instructing students to focus on the theological aspects of the novel. Your essay was a character study of the Creature. And . . . some of your prose was . . .’

Dr Casey threw me and my parents another apologetic glance. She was visibly uncomfortable with witnesses to this strange little meeting and a part of me wondered why my parents weren’t able to move. I glanced at Ma and realized she was watching Dr Casey with visible distrust. She didn’t want to leave Cherry alone with this woman, despite not knowing the other girl at all.

‘Let me read some,’ Dr Casey said. She cleared her throat:

‘When you deny a creature personhood, compassion and companionship, you not only make them capable of committing monstrous acts, you tell society at large that this is a monstrous thing, deserving of its isolation and cruelty. To be othered and monstered and cast out before you even understand language or the names you’ve been given means your natural instincts feel forever cursed and estranged to you. You become a stranger to yourself and to others.’

I felt a shiver pass over me. I stole a look at Cherry. Her chin was raised in haughty abandon but there was a sheen in her eyes that made me ache for her.

‘I stand by that,’ she said with a shrug. ‘It’s all there in the text.’

‘But your assignment was to focus on the theme of creation, not the point of view of the monster.’

Both Cherry and I tensed.

‘I did focus on the monster,’ Cherry acknowledged softly. Deadly soft. ‘Because the monster is the person who creates life without considering all of the potential outcomes. The person who is so fixated on whether they can, they don’t stop to imagine if they should. And then they abandon their creation because it wasn’t what they wanted. It wasn’t what they expected. What they thought they deserved. It didn’t perform in the way they wanted. I just chose to write about that monster through the lens of the Creature he created and then abandoned. And hey, if that’s wrong, you can tell my father. I’m sure he’d have lots to say on that subject. Only, he’s not here, is he?’

A steady silence followed this speech.

‘Mr Hamilton was nervous to speak with you about the essay,’ Dr Casey eventually said. ‘Which is why he asked me to approach you. Cherise. Please. You’re a clever girl – we just want you to get the grade you deserve. And this essay went off on a bit of a tangent.’

Cherry suddenly stood, grabbing her bag and quickly wiping at her eye. ‘I’m not rewriting it. So can I go?’

Dr Casey opened her mouth to deny her but Cherry was already moving. She slammed the office door behind her, making Ma jump.

‘So that’s Clyde’s girl,’ Dad said gingerly.

‘Cherry,’ I said, staring at the door. ‘Yeah.’

Dr Casey exhaled audibly and gave my parents another simpering smile. ‘I apologize for her. She’s had a troubled educational past. We’re doing our best for her.’

I felt my fists clench. ‘She’s amazing.’

Dr Casey’s eyes shot to me, something sharp in them. She quickly covered the expression and beamed at me. ‘Well. We’re here to discuss you, Zella. Thank you for coming in.’

When the meeting was over, my parents and I walked to the school reception. It had all been the same nonsense she’d spouted to me before. No one said anything and I wondered for a split second if they were going to chastise me for taking on too many things. For not making more friends. For dating boys as well as studying. But when we reached the busy, bustling entrance to the school, Dad finally spoke.