Page 43 of Yearning Difficulties

I was so taken aback, I laughed. ‘No!’

She pursed her lips, clearly unhappy at my obvious amusement. ‘It’s not an unreasonable question, Zella. The two boys are vastly different to one another.’

That was undeniable. ‘Exactly.’

‘The Valverts are an incredibly important family. That Dave is going to go far in life.’

Yes. Because of his father’s bank account. Not because he had any talent or charisma of his own. ‘Possibly.’

‘He’s very popular at this school.’

Only if one acknowledged that popularity was often a hierarchical game that rewarded neurotypical traits and punished neurodivergent ones.

The intensity of that thought surprised me.

‘Dave has lots of friends,’ I agreed. ‘That’s true.’

‘And Killian has always been a bit of an outcast. A recluse.’

I thought of the warm friendship Killian had with Anderson and his twin brother. They always seemed so relaxed and happy together. It didn’t strike me as being reclusive at all. ‘I’m not sure—’

‘He would much rather be at home with a book or his sketchbook than out making friends.’

‘I’m kind of the same,’ I said with a shrug, realizing it was true. ‘We’re similar in that way.’

She gave me a condescending smile. She didn’t believe me. ‘You’re a beautiful girl with lots of pins in your diary. You were part of the popular crowd, Zella! It just . . . doesn’t make sense that you would go from someone like Dave Valvert to a boy like my son.’

I suddenly didn’t care about my portfolio on her desk. Or what she thought of the girl who’d written all of it. ‘Then maybe you don’t know your son very well.’

There was a flicker of anger in Dr Bergery’s eyes and I immediately felt uneasy. I wondered for a moment if I had sealed my fate in the worst way.

But she quickly calmed her expression and considered me with an appraising smile. ‘Maybe.’

My outer self knew I should apologize. But my inner self didn’t want to.

‘Your mother’s a hair stylist and your father works for the town,’ she said, changing topic smoothly. ‘Is that right?’

The shift in conversation made me nervous. ‘Yes.’

‘That’s what I find so amazing,’ she said. ‘So fascinating. It’s all very humble. And yet you’ve produced all of this. Did you really do it all on your own?’

My sense of pride was now mixed with revulsion, creating a cocktail that left a bitter taste in my mouth.

Lake Pristine was like this. It looked like a town from a nineties Coca-Cola ad but half of it was rich and the other half worked to keep the town functioning. And the former group seemed to think that their offspring were brilliant, not because of their private tutors or their access to wealth, but because of some divine providence.

‘Yes,’ I said quietly. ‘I did it all on my own.’

All I wanted, deep down in my bones, was to disillusion them.

Sixteen

First ‘Date’

Today’s Track: ‘When’ by Dodie

The fake relationship drew more attention than either of us could have dreamed.

Killian walked me to and from class. I made him drink from my oversized water bottle as we meandered through the school corridors. We shared his ancient wired earphones during free periods in the library. He would come over to my desk before the start of Advanced Higher English and our fingers would brush.