Page 82 of Golden Ruin

“Then maybe try this. Lexi’s got a good heart. She’s grown up a lot since you two were a thing. Give her a little credit.”

“So, what, you think I should just go in there and lay it all on the line? I did that the other night and it got me kicked out of her room.”

“Yeah, well, holding that shit in won’t do anything but make you sick when she moves on with someone else.”

He doesn’t say Matt’s name, and I’m grateful for it. I’m not sure I can stomach hearing it right now. Not on top of everything else.

“Sounds like both options leave me fucked. Either tell her how I feel and send her running away, or keep my mouth shut and still lose her.”

“Maybe,” he says. “But the difference is, in one scenario, you own your shit like a man. Or better yet, like the man she deserves.”

That sits with me. When we broke up, the words she shouted at my back as I walked away have haunted me for years–I’m sorry I couldn’t be easier to love.

My eyes fall closed knowing she believed that then. Maybe still does. Maybe still believes that about me.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Me and Lex were toxic as hell together back in the day. We loved each other, yeah, but that relationship taught me that love isn’t always enough. Every time we tried talking about something real, it was like navigating a minefield. And in the end, I didn’t know how to stay with someone I was afraid to even have a conversation with. But it took me stepping away to see the part I played. How I fell short when it came to supporting her emotions, how I became dismissive when she’d say what she was feeling or what she needed.

But now, she’s different–I’m different–and the longer she’s here… I realize the love between us never faded.

“Did I lose you?” he asks, and I take a deep breath.

“Nah, I’m here. Just thinking.”

“Well, the good thing is you don’t have to make a move tonight. When the time’s right, you’ll know.”

I’d like to think he’s right about that, but trusting my feelings hasn’t been so simple lately.

“Thanks, man. I appreciate the insight.”

“Any time. You know I’m always rooting for you.”

We end the call, and I’m no more prepared to go inside than I was before, but Ricky’s words stick in my head, that there’s no rush. And hopefully he’s right about the other part, too.

That when the time is right… I’ll know.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Lexi

Tonight should be about celebrating Dez, about having fun and letting loose, but my head’s so fucked, I’m worried I’ll bring down the vibe.

The girls buzz around me, crowding the bathroom in one of Blue’s guest rooms. We packed in to get dressed and do our makeup half an hour ago. I’m in a daze, struggling because every time I close my eyes, I feel Sterling’s mouth against mine, his breath moving over my neck, his body underneath me.

I can’t keep doing this to myself.

“Okay, girl, that’s the second time I’ve asked you a question and haven’t gotten an answer,” Joss says, nudging me with her elbow. “You okay?”

I glance at her reflection while she puts on mascara, but I feel everyone’s eyes on me as the room goes quiet.

Shit. I didn’t want this. Didn’t want to make tonight about me, my drama.

Dez arches a brow as she fastens her necklace. “Yeah, you’ve been too quiet for me, too. What’s up with you?”

My eyes snap back to my own reflection now, to my visibly racing pulse, that uncertain look behind my eyes.

“Sterling and I… kissed.”

A collection of gasps hit the air, then…