Page 81 of Golden Ruin

“You good, man?”

I look up at Ricky, trying not to let that last part rattle me. “Yeah. I will be.”

He squeezes my shoulder, then checks the time on his phone. “I should get going. Gotta check in. Y’all know how it goes,” he laughs as he stands.

“Same. Blue asked me to pick up cheese popcorn and butter pecan ice cream on my way home.”

“Ah, the cravings kicked in,” Ricky smiles. “Don’t miss those days.”

West shrugs. “It’s not too bad. We waited so long for this day to get here, we’ve been embracing everything that comes with it.”

“Know what? You’re right,” Ricky says. “But remember you said that when she’s squeezing the hell out of your hand in that delivery room.”

I nod, laughing as I agree, because Lexi’s grip nearly ended my football career that day.

We say our goodbyes to Dusty, then one-by-one, we file out, leaving a few hundred-dollar bills on the table before we go.

I ride home in complete silence. The radio would only make my thoughts race more. But as if he sensed my head is still fucked up, Ricky’s name pops up on my truck’s screen as my phone rings.

I pick up right away. “Miss me already?”

“Shut the fuck up,” he laughs. “Make it home yet?”

“Turning into the driveway as we speak.”

A few lights are on downstairs, but that doesn’t tell me whether Lexi’s still up.

“Got a sec to talk?” he asks.

“I do. What’s up.”

“Just felt like we cut the conversation short tonight. Seemed like there was more on your mind.”

I smile. Ricky’s already our cousin, but he’s somehow become our honorary big brother, too.

“Lately, there’s always more to say, but I’m dealing with it.”

“Nah, don’t do that. Men always think we have to hold shit in, but it’s not like that with us. Say what you feel.”

I take a breath, staring out at the house.

“Have you ever wanted to talk to someone, tell them exactly what you feel, but the thought of it terrifies you?”

“I’ve been there,” he sighs, laughing a little. “Me and Dez had a few hiccups in the beginning. You don’t think Lex is open to hearing what you have to say?”

“That’s a tough question to answer.”

“Then let me ask you this,” he says. “What’s the worst that could happen if you open up to her?”

“I could scare her off, she could leave, she could put in twice the work to convince herself we’re–”

“Okay, okay, slow down,” he chuckles. “I guess you’ve already weighed the pros and cons.”

“Every second of every fucking day.”

“Damn. She’s got you messed up.”

I shake my head, because he’s right. “Completely.”