Page 121 of Golden Ruin

“Why’d you turn it down?”

And this is where I want to be careful. If it weren’t for her possibly hearing from one of my brothers or on social media, I wouldn’t bring it up. I don’t want her thinking I’m trying to make her feel guilty or obligated. In all honesty, I just want her to know. Because this time around, regardless of where we land when all is said and done, I want her to know everything.

“Shit,” she says under her breath, turning to watch Jax again, but I know what she’s doing. My lack of a response probably has her overthinking, telling herself this is wrong or that she’s holding me back, but she’s wrong.

“Don’t spiral, Lex.”

She takes a deep breath. “Sterling, I–”

“I didn’t turn it down for you. Not really,” I correct myself. “I mean, yes, I stayed for you, but not because of you.”

Shit, what am I even saying?

I pause to get the words right. Hopefully.

“I stayed because… I didn’t want to be thousands of miles away and miss seeing if this can work. Not again,” I add, trying to shut out the sadness that tries to wedge itself in before I can close the door. “I left before. I know the circumstances were different, I know we were different, but… I never want to feel like that again.”

“So, what? You’re just gonna turn down every opportunity that comes your way?” she asks, cutting a look toward me. “You worked too damn hard for that Sterling. I won’t be the reason you—”

“Would you just… let me explain?” I’m laughing because she just went from zero to sixty in ten seconds flat. “I’m not saying my career isn’t important, because it is. It’s how I help take care of our son, how I intend to take care of you. But what I am saying, is that there isn’t anyplace else in this entire fucking world I’d rather be than right here with you. Sitting on this hard-ass bench, rain soaking through my hoodie, watching our kid taste woodchips.”

Lexi frowns at him as the words leave my mouth. “Jax, no! That’s disgusting!”

Another laugh slips out, and my heart squeezes in my chest. Because this is all I want. The imperfection, the unpredictable moments… us.

“Just promise me you won’t keep doing this. Promise me that even if we… if we…”

She stops there, and I smile as her brain short-circuits on what to say.

“Just promise me you won’t miss anything else important on account of me.”

My first reaction is to reassure her, but I don’t. “I can’t say that won’t ever happen. But I promise to discuss things like this with you in the future. And together, we’ll decide what the best move is. Deal?”

She stares. Not because she’s still confused or frustrated. This look is softer.

“Deal,” she nods.

We both face forward again, but I scoot closer. Not much. Just enough that I’m not going crazy with there being so much space between us.

“Since we’re clearing the air on things, I just want to say it formally that… Matt and I are over. I still have to have the conversation with him but, yeah. It’s done.”

She leaves it at that, and I don’t push. They’re good friends, they’ve been through a lot together, so I know this wasn’t a decision she made lightly. She’d never want to hurt him, but I’m guessing that’s also why she’s choosing to cut it off sooner rather than later.

I glance at her from the corner of my eye, smiling just a little. “So, does this mean we’re…”

She lowers her head when she laughs. “I don’t know what we are or where we’re headed, but… I do know I’m open to it.”

I take a deep breath, trying to play it cool, but those words just made my entire day. Because considering where we started, Lexi being open feels like everything.

“I tell you what.” I sit a little straighter, finishing the thought before I say it out loud. “Labels will probably just create tension. So, let’s just… try. And whatever that turns into, we go with it.”

She’s thoughtful for a moment, then she nods. “I like the sound of that.”

This time, the silence between us isn’t the kind that’s filled with secrets and things we’re too scared to say. It feels peaceful.

Safe.

“Things moved pretty quickly last night, and we didn’t get to really talk about what you said. That you love me.”