Page 120 of Golden Ruin

“Sleep okay?” she asks.

I could easily give her the cleaned-up, tough-guy version, but I’m already laughing, knowing I’ll tell her the truth instead.

“I slept great, but… I freaked out a little when I saw you were gone this morning.”

She snaps a look toward me, and I stare back. I wouldn’t have told her something like that before, but being too strong was where I fucked up. This time around, if she’ll let me, I plan to tell her everything. The difficult shit, the bad shit, all of it.

“You did?”

I nod, resisting the urge to soften the confession. It is what it is. I love her and it scared the shit out of me when I thought my feelings for her made her run.

“I left a note, and–”

“I know,” I say before she can reassure me. “But before I found it in the kitchen… I felt it. The fear, the worry.”

She turns to watch Jax again with a smile ghosting on her lips. “Honestly? I probably would’ve done the same thing. Panicked,” she admits. “If I woke up and you were gone after last night, I would’ve totally convinced myself you regretted it and needed space. So… fair.”

Nice to know I didn’t overreact.

“I’m glad we cleared the air last night, but it feels like there’s still a lot to discuss.”

I push a wet curl off her cheek before resting both my arms across the back of the bench. “Now’s as good a time as any.”

She nods, seeming to agree, but she takes her time getting the words out.

“I’m still considering taking the apartment, but I don’t want you to think that’s my way of running from you. It’s more so… me being honest with myself about needing time to let my head catch up to my heart.”

Her words sit with me. Not in the sad, heavy way they might’ve even a few days ago. For some reason, I’m hearing her differently than before, and the idea of her needing her own place no longer feels like a threat to us building a future together.

“Do you understand?”

Her voice softens with the question. I nod, moving my hand to the back of her neck, squeezing softly.

“I hear you. And I think I get it.”

She lets out a sigh, a visible sign of stress leaving her body, and I’m guessing she wasn’t expecting to feel safe having this conversation, but I’m not her enemy. Would I prefer for her to stay? Of course, but if she needs time, space, that’s her choice.

“Thank you,” she says, and I nearly lean in to kiss her, wanting her to know she doesn’t have to thank me for listening, for not pushing her boundaries, but I hold back.

“You’re welcome. And I’m sorry I made it about me before.”

She’s already shaking her head. “You didn’t. You were just being honest about your feelings. I can’t be mad about that.”

I run my thumb down the side of her neck since I can’t pull her closer. Not in public. Not in front of Jax. Not yet.

“While we’re on the subject of leaving, there’s uh… something I should probably tell you before you hear it from someone else.”

Her brow gathers when she looks at me. “What is it?”

I open my mouth to speak, then close it again, wanting to choose my words carefully. Wanting to make sure she doesn’t misread my intentions.

“I was offered a spot at a training camp in Spain, but I turned it down.”

She’s staring but isn’t speaking. Beneath the brim of the cap she borrowed, her eyes are dark, nearly hidden from me, but I see enough to know she’s searching mine for an answer. Searching for what I’m not saying.

“It was a big deal,” she says, not forming that as a question. She knows.

I nod, but don’t go into detail.