Page 46 of And It’s Still You

“Not only that, but I want to be the best version of myself for him. I’ll be woman enough to admit that when I became a mother, it consumed me. I let some of my wifely duties fall to the wayside and continuously pointed the finger at Shea. Some of it, he didn’t deserve, and I want to be better for myself and him.”

The thought of Shea pouring more into other things instead of us caused my heart to ache. I’d fallen for the man hard. Once again, I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I wanted to be in his skin, to be the air that he breathed. I wanted our second chance to be it, to be the glue that held us together forever. There was no doubt in my mind that O’Shea Collier was my soulmate, but I wouldn’t be able to forgive him if he didn’t keep his word.

Elise tucked her leg under herself and set her wineglass down. “I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told you.”

“I’m listening.”

“When Terrance got out of JMG, I thought everything would be sweet. I thought our lives would change for the better and that he’d be there for my every call. It didn’t work that way. The time and attention he gave JMG went into his business. Once again, I felt as if I was competing with something he loved more than me. For about a good six months, we fought. Like you, I was on the verge of being ready to serve him with papers.

“I was tired of the lonely days. I was tired of him coming home either feeling too exhausted to spend time with me or only talk about his business. It got to the point where I didn’t want to hear shit about it. Honestly, I wanted it to fail so he could put his focus on me, on us. My mom would tell me I was selfish for feeling that way when Terrance was only trying to provide, but no one talks about how the addiction for men to provide can damage a marriage.”

“True that. It’s like . . . Yes, I’m grateful to have a man provide for me, but being a provider is more than just working.”

“Exactly. Only women who have been in the situation will understand. Men too, because it’s some women out there who will put their careers first as well. Anyway, it got to the point I didn’t care if Terrance listened to me anymore. It wasn’t like he was hearing me, so I said fuck it and found someone who would.”

My jaw cracked with how hard it flung open. “Elise!”

“I know, I know. I was wrong. It wasn’t the way I should’ve handled it, but I did. I quickly learned the grass isn’t always greener on the other side and that Terrance actually did hear me. It was me who didn’t hear him.”

“What do you mean?”

“Over and over, Terrance told me his plan. He told me what he was doing and why he was doing it. He told me what made him happy about it and what frustrated him about it. His end goal was to get everything situated to where the people he trusted could run it, and he would be home with me. It didn’t happen when I wanted it to, so I had selective hearing when he talked about it.

“As a wife, seeing my husband be so passionate about something and want better for us, I should’ve stepped in and asked how I could help. I should’ve been more involved in the process, because it meant so much to him. Instead of attacking the problem, I would attack him. Now, I’m involved in his business, and I think I might love it more than he does now. To see what he poured his all into makes me so happy. I hate that I was too blind to see it at first.

“Don’t make the same mistake again, Moya. While your feelings were valid, I truly believe you and Shea could’ve worked through it back then. Now that he has his pharmacy, give him grace when he’s late. Take the initiative to learn more about it and his processes but also make sure you hear him. Deep down, I know he heard you all those years; he was simply trying to figure out how to balance it all until he could move on and build something new for y’all.”

I wiped away the tears streaming down my face. Elise always had a way of putting things into a different perspective for me. She made me see my faults and not just Shea’s. It was exactly what I needed.

Elise took my outstretched hand and smiled.

Through sniffles, I spoke. “Thank you, girl. I needed to hear that. I love that man, Elise. I have since I was a teenager. I need us to work this time. I don’t think I can go through another heartbreak with him. Even though I never truly got over him, it was hard as hell to get to the point where I could be alone.”

“I believe in my heart that the two of you will be together forever, and you gotta change your mindset to believe the same. I know it’s easier said than done, but you must speak life over y’all.”

“I will.”

Shea and I were in bed, snuggled up together. We’d both had too much to drink, and I was dozing off when he softly called my name.

“Yes, Shea?” I replied without opening my eyes.

“We gotta handle business Saturday night.”

My eyes popped open, and my body tensed. The thumping in my chest echoed in my ears. I swallowed the knot blocking the airwaves in my throat and released a shaky exhale. Shea tightened his hold around me and kissed the top of my head.

“That’s in three days.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“How do you feel about it, Shea?”

“Ready to get it over with. I haven’t spoken to Onyx, but when Tre and Cyn ran everything down to me, I knew we had to nip this shit in the bud sooner rather than later. It’ll become a bigger problem if we don’t.”

“We, huh?”

“Don’t do that, Moya. I’m only saying we because I’m leading the pack with this. I’m only involved because they put you and Ocean in it. If it wasn’t for that, I would have let them handle it on their own.”

I closed my eyes. “I believe you.”