Page 29 of Built to Last

“I’m sure I’ll drop back in now and then,” I said as the acidity of the coffee hit my stomach. “Especially now that you have coffee like this.”

“Yeah, it’s great.” Gilbert’s tone conveyed emotions that were less than great.

Why the fuck was this so difficult? I should just swallow my pride along with the coffee and ask Gilbert out. I didn’t have to ask him to move in with me or anything. It wasn’t like going out to dinner once would mean I’d have to walk around in a glittery rainbow t-shirt for the rest of my life.

I kind of wanted that glittery rainbow t-shirt, though. At least, I wanted the proverbial one and the things that went along with it. I wanted this Gilbert, the energized, open one that I’d first met in college, and yes, fallen in love with. I wanted to go the extra mile to make amends for the way things had gone back then.

Mostly, I just wanted to be happy and to not have secrets anymore.

I took another long swig of coffee, finishing the cup, then handing it back to him. “That was great, but I just realized I’ve got something to do.”

“You do?” Gilbert asked with a touch of his old defensiveness.

“I’m not brushing you off,” I insisted. “It’s just…I need to take care of something first.”

“Right,” Gilbert said slowly, like he didn’t understand what I meant at all.

“I’ll text you later, okay?” I turned to go, waving as I went.

I left Common Grounds with more purpose in my steps than I’d had in a long time. I knew what I wanted. I couldn’t even say it came to me in a flash or with any sort of resounding revelation. It had been building in me for months now, ever since I’d stepped back into Gilbert’s orbit.

I wanted to be free, to be myself. I wanted to try again with Gilbert and to do things right this time. But before I could make that leap, I had to tell some of the people who were most important in my life the truth. The whole truth. If I wanted to find anything close to happiness with Gilbert, I couldn’t hide anymore.

CHAPTER 9

Kyle

Deciding it was time to come out and actually coming out turned out to be two different things entirely. My first instinct was to call my parents and just tell them. We didn’t have that kind of a relationship, though. It wasn’t about who I was or wasn’t dating, my parents and I had wildly different views of the world, and our relationship had been strained for years. So I decided to start by calling my sister.

The big, scary conversation was more or less comprised of me throwing, “You know how I’m gay, right?” into a conversation about what we were all going to do for Christmas this year.

Helen laughed. “Duh, Kyle,” she said, her eye-roll audible.

“Do you think I should tell Mom and Dad?” I added feeling far more vulnerable.

“Not unless you want to be uninvited from Christmas,” she said flippantly.

“I’m serious,” I said.

“Oh.” She paused. “I mean, I guess you have to if you’re going to, you know.” Before I could add anything, she gasped and asked, “Do you have a boyfriend or something?”

I took a deep breath. Here it was, the moment when I really and truly had to admit to things that could change my life. “Not at the moment, but if I can pull my head out of my ass long enough to go for what I want…it’s a distinct possibility.”

“Kyle!” Helen squealed. “This is awesome. This is so cool. I’ve been waiting for you to fall head over heels for someone ever since whatever that was you went through in college with Gilbert Meyers.”

I cleared my throat, heat creeping up my neck to my face.

“So who’s the lucky man?” Helen asked.

I froze for far too long before saying, “Gilbert Meyers.”

I braced myself, waiting for my sister to do a one-eighty and start yelling at me for putting my heart out on the line only to have it broken again.

Instead, she made the sweetest “Aaw,” sound, then said, “That’s so beautiful.”

“It’s not beautiful, it’s terrifying,” I blurted. It was probably the most honest thing I’d said in my life.

“No, honey, it’s beautiful,” she said, so serious she sounded like our mother. “Don’t forget, I remember how broken up about that whole thing you were in college.”