Page 30 of Dark Notes, Volume Two

“Listen to me. He’s alive. Yes, his heart stopped, but we know they started it again in the ambulance. So let's not go to the worst-case scenario until it’s presented to us.”

Jagger comes over to us and sits in the chair beside me. Unlike me, he doesn’t appear scared or heartbroken. Instead, he looks furious with balled-up fists on his lap.

I glance at McKinley, confused by his reaction. She shakes her head with a sad smile.

“He’s been through this. A lot. This isn’t the first time Jett has overdosed, Mia. For you, it’s new and terrifying. For Jagger, it’s a vicious cycle.”

I turn my attention to him and stare at him with shock because how can he not be worried? It doesn’t make any sense to me.

“Aren’t you afraid he might die this time?”

Jagger shakes his head as if I disappoint him.

“Mia, I don’t know how the hell this thing with you and Jett happened but I’m going to tell you, it’s a bad idea. Jett isn’t going to get clean for you. He has overdosed three times before. This is number four. The only thing he’s going to do is take you down with him. I love Jett like a brother, and I want to see him get better, I do. But at some point I had to distance myself from it. It doesn’t have the same effect on me anymore. I’m numb to it. One day, if you stick around, you will become numb too.”

His words cause a lump in my throat, making it hard to swallow. I know two painful truths. One, if Jett doesn’t get help, eventually he’s going to kill himself. And two, there’s nothing I can do to make him seek treatment. My mom was addicted to painkillers when I was a little kid. You’d think CPS taking your kid away would make you get clean, but it didn’t. I know from experience that an addict won’t get help until they want to do it for themself. Jett can’t do it for me. He can only do it for himself, and I don’t think he wants to. I know I have a decision to make, but I can’t make it until I can see with my own eyes that he’s going to get through this.

A doctor comes out and heads straight to Jagger.

“Mr. Wild, good to see you, sir. Although, not under the circumstances.”

Jagger nods at his greeting,shaking his hand.

“How's Jett?”

The doctor sighs audibly.

“He’s Jett. Once again, he miraculously got medical treatment in time. For the time being, he’ll be okay physically. He was given Narcan, so he's in a lot of pain from withdrawal and itching to get out of here so he can use again.”

I try to take in everything he’s saying, but I don’t know what he’s talking about.

He glances at me and McKinley with our matching confused expressions.

“Narcan saves lives. It’s administered to reverse the effects of overdoses. However, it removes all the drugs in the system, so it makes them very sick when there’s a physical addiction. This is the reason he’s leaving AMA.”

Jagger glances over to me and adds, “against medical advice.”

“I need to see him.”

The doctor and Jagger share a worried look.

“He’s going to be angry, Mia. It’s not a good idea. He’s not the Jett you know when he is like this.” Jagger warns.

Looking at McKinley and then back at me, he throws his hands in the air like he’s had enough.

“You know what? Seeing Jett in this condition is probably exactly what you need.”

McKinley grabs his arm, urging him to change his mind, “Jagger.”

He shakes his head.

“She doesn’t get it, baby. Mia needs an ugly dose of reality, and it’s going to be fucking ugly.”

Rising from the chair, I follow the doctor and ignore Jagger’s warning. The dark haired man turns to me as we walk down a hallway.

“He’s right. This is probably going to be difficult. Try to remember it’s not Jett talking to you, but his addiction.”

We walk into the room and the doctor says, “I’ll give you a few minutes. If you need help, there’s a call button on the wall. The big red button.”