Page 12 of You’re So Vein

Is no corner of my life safe from Augustin’s… Augustin-ness?

Gideon peers down at the posters, clearly hunting for a change of subject. “What’s all this? Komal, are you running against Augustin for mayor?”

“She is, and she’s going to win.” Beth proclaims proudly.

“I hope not.”

“What?” Arabella demands. “What did you just say? Komal is brilliant.”

“Oh, nothing.” Gideon shrugs, but I notice he moves his hands over his crotch. He fears Arabella’s retribution. As well he should. “It’s merely that certain people – like our Sanctus members – were pleased by the idea of a vampire as mayor.”

“But Augustin’s corrupt!” I retort. “And you’re the one who corrupted him!”

“That is absolutely something you shouldn’t reveal on your campaign,” Arabella reminds me. “We only know about Augustin’s deal with Gideon because I stole that hard drive and showed it to you all. If the vampires find out that humans had access to their confidential information, everything we’ve built is going to collapse and the Conclave will win, and the only way Winnie will be able to marry Alaric is if she agrees to be a vampire.”

“That’s not happening,” Winnie says. “I love Alaric, but I refuse to be forced into a life-altering decision by vampire bureaucracy. If I choose to become a vampire, it will be on my own time.”

“Augustin has his reasons for what he did, and so do I,” Gideon says with a surprising degree of seriousness. “The vampire community needs Sanctus, and Augustin offered to expedite the process in return for certain favours, which due to the present situation I’m currently unable to grant, but I’m working on fixing that. That’s all I’ll say on the matter.”

“You’d better explain these certain favours to me.” Arabella narrows her eyes. “We’re partners. And I am an expert at inflicting bodily harm on those who deny me.”

“Normally, the threat of violence from you would have me on my knees with happiness, but this time, I cannot speak a word even to you, my love. I’ve never denied that Augustin and I had an arrangement, but the details of that are his secret to reveal.” Gideon straightens. “However, I’ll give you a little of my wisdom for free. If you wish to win against Augustin, you need the vampire vote. And he’s doing a lot of good in the vampire community right now. Your win will come easily if you unmask the husker.”

“We’re working on it!” Mina yells.

“Could you possibly work a little harder? And may I propose a little soiree at Sanctus? I’ll invite our two frontrunning mayoral candidates to speak to our members over cocktails and entertainment. Perhaps my fiancée will honour us with a dance?”

“What kind of dance would I do to celebrate a mayoral race?” Arabella scoffs. “That’s as invigorating a theme as paint drying or… wait a moment, I have a most perfect and evil idea.”

“This is why I love you.” Gideon kisses her cheek.

“Because I’m evil?”

“Because you’re evil, and I’m your favourite.” He brushes a kiss over her lips, and she grabs him for a deeper snog. When she eventually pulls back, her lipstick is smeared, and her dark eyes are rimmed with gold. We all clap and whistle.

The envy stings as if someone is squeezing lemon juice into my heart.

Gideon bows and leaves.

“Arabella is in loooove.” Maisie elbows her.

“He is sufficient for my future husband.” Arabella huffs, but she’s smiling as she sinks into her favourite chair, folding her long legs beneath her. “Now, can we stop making bad cubist art of Komal’s face when there are books to read and huskers to catch?”

“I keep saying it, Alaric is the artist, not me.” Winnie slides her poster underneath the sofa. “Call me when you need help organising the mail drop.”

“I think I’ve created an excellent likeness, thank you.” Isis holds up her drawing.

“Yes, that looks just like Komal… if she were placed through a mangle and then mauled by enthusiastic badgers.”

“Mangle? Nice topical reference there, Miss Nineteenth-Century Vampire. Do you even know how to use a washing machine?”

Arabella looks affronted. “Of course not. Why would I wash my own clothes? That’s what Thralls and handsome, doting Gideons are for. If we’re really not going to read the book, shouldn’t we be focusing on the husker? Wasn’t being distracted by village nonsense what got my friend Alyra killed and me brutally attacked by my sire?”

“The burning of my pole and yoga studio was not ‘village nonsense’,” Beth says huffily. “And we saved you, and held the village variety show, and Maisie gets to stay a reporter for another six months, so I’d say we’re doing a great job—”

“Arabella’s right,” I say, my mind already racing. I need to win the vampire vote from Augustin, which isn’t going to be easy. “We should talk about our investigation. Perhaps I could make a campaign promise to finally catch this husker.”

“Murder board time!” Mina drops her poster and reaches behind the sofa to pick up the board where we keep all our clues about the killer. Incidentally, the murder board also now includes several red paw prints. Oscar has the doggy decency to bow his head in shame.